This is mental health post... just want to vent out into the void... leaving after 11 years. No goodbyes from anyone let alone a party. I messaged my manager from 3 years ago who was a good friend I thought, he said he was busy for a chime call. Last month, we had a goodbye party for someone who joined last year where everyone met in person. Nothing remotely the same for me. A colleague reached out, I thought finally, until they asked me to drop something they'd loaned me at their desk. I helped promote half this team. I know I know, this is just me whining, but feel like I don't matter. Yes I am moving to better TC and company, but I spent 11 years at this company. Launched so many things, did so much, but did not accrue any friendships. Spent a third of my life here and no one cares. No one cares enough to even have a call, to say all the best or anything. Looking back, I feel like all my pushing back and disagreeing and committing for better of the product resulted in me looking like an asshole. Maybe that's just who I am. I feel miserable right now to think that I didn't matter to anyone. People tolerated me and not were happy to work with. Don't know what to do with all this. It hurts, it just does. Outside of our family, maybe more than our family we spend time with people we work with. And to think that my behavior made it transactional burns like hell. Edit: thanks a lot to those that gave support. You'll didn't have to, but you took the time and you did, so thanks! I am introspecting here, if I failed to make an impression on anyone in last 11 years then it's on me. Anyway, if you've read this far, let me just tell you, making friends out of strangers is a valuable thing, might seem quaint coming from someone with my TC I know, but having a friend you can just spend your day with and doing nothing is valuable too. If you have it, cherish it.
I appreciate you man. As much as people hate on Amazon we all use it. I bet you’re rich too.
It’s a just a job, sorry about your team. Hope you meet better people in the new company
I am sorry that you didn’t get a party. You did good work, take comfort in that. And you are going to a better TC, so that’s good.
No offense but probably you are L6 engineer and your interaction were limited to SDM or Director. I left Amazon after 5 years as L5 and I glad I made a lot of friends who are still connected. All of our L6 were arrogant and used to think that they are superior people and never tried to made friendly connection with L4 and L5. In the other hand, L4 and L5 community made great friends for lifetime. L6 and above used to think if they start talking friendly, they will loose the fear and bossy culture which was promoted by our director.
Exactly. Junior and mid level Engineers are more engaged and connected at personal level. Higher level people doesn't give a single fuck if you leave or stay.
Oh wow, guess this is common across Amazon? Our L6 SDE is very hard to approach and extremely opinionated on a lot of topics. Where as the L4s and L5s on my team are great.
Thoughts and prayers OP. I will be diverting all of my thoughts and prayers from the hurricane victims to you for the next 20 minutes.
I think people are very different. Some people can be friends while others choose to alienate themselves from their teammates, setting boundaries. I always want to work with people who are kind and I want to be their friends. But people think differently. It’s ok, you will meet new people, it is good that you left the team.
You okay bro? Need a 🤗?
Sounds like you leaving is a win-win, best wishes on the fresh start
That’s really rough. You really do spend a good amount of time at work and to feel like you never made any meaningful relationships can be heartbreaking.
Level and tc?
Principal and 650. Happy now?
Dude are you sick ? You want to know tc even on this post ? OP- flow like water. Staying at one place so long will make you think like this. Keep moving!!