Male colleague keeps asking me for “help” him in doing all his mundane dev work 😒

Softvision AOoB63
Nov 6, 2019 22 Comments

I joined this Client ( a big bank ) side project in May ( as a contingent worker and the only female developer in the team ) and this male colleauge ( has been on the project an year longer and is a FTE ), who has otherwise been helpful during my learning curve, keeps “requesting” me to “help” him do all the mundane work a developer needs to do to see their changes thru ( like :- fix builds, update new pipeline in config projects, deploy changes, retire older versions, check logs , follow up on email with QA and others etc etc ). Of course he does his code changes and talks to business directly but most other things not so prolific things he asks me to do for him .... I didnt even realize and kept on doing it since I joined.... only recently started seeing the pattern ... and while sometimes he may actually be busy most other times he’s not . So he’ll ask me to “help” him and then chit-chat with other teammates or head to the gym or lunch or leave for the day etc .

I have more than a decade of experience and I hate being treated like a personal secretary.... but I’m not sure how to bring it up cause he does it very covertly and politely .... also he has more power in the team than I do considering he’s been there longer and is a FTE ....

I don’t want to create ruckus over it but I don’t want to be treated like this anymore ... how should I approach this so I can make it clear I can’t be treated like this and also not make things worse because I complained about something “seemingly” harmless.

PS - Not sure if this adds to the case but the only time in all these months that he asked me to grab lunch was when all the men he usually goes out on lunch with bailed on him.


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TOP 22 Comments
  • Microsoft / Eng RoLF71
    I think you're trying to force this situation to be a gender thing.
    Nov 6, 2019 4
    • Microsoft / Eng RoLF71
      That's an analysis, but maybe he asks you because you keep doing it.

      You're bringing gender into the equation repetitively.
      Nov 7, 2019
    • BlackRock fuckFANG
      @microsoft - and you are repeatedly denying gender bias in the situation… So much so as if you know OP’s colleague or are that colleague yourself… You can only say that the situation may not be gender specific and that the colleague maybe doing this to everybody but no where did you mention that .... you have repeatedly denied the presence of sexism without knowing anything beyond what the OP said
      Nov 7, 2019
  • New DYbp46
    Draw a line dude. People, heck kids, take advantage of you, with as much they can get away with. Male or female, you got to watch out.

    A colleague of mine was like that... I had to recommend his termination a few years down the road because he was an equal opportunity offender to any one & everyone he could take advantage of.
    Nov 6, 2019 1
    • Softvision AOoB63
      I agree that not all bad people are men and that not all victims are women… But in my situation it is that way and this man does not ask any other man to do the stuff that he asks me to do
      Nov 6, 2019
  • Yelp DvFm80
    Start with by sharing this with your manager. Also, you should create on-call/on-point rotation in your team where everyone gets turn doing this nonsense boring work. You shouldn’t be doing it alone. Best thing would you be you recommending to your Manager about thi.
    Nov 6, 2019 3
    • Yelp DvFm80
      It’s all about how you present it with the data — you’ll have to take risk if you want to fight and win
      Nov 7, 2019
    • Facebook mJKe77
      The next time he sends you an email asking you to do things for him, respond telling him that you can not because you have to do x, y, z (list all the things you need to get done) mention that you are already behind since you helped him with (a, b, c) the day before. And wait and see what his response is. If he is a dick about it, I would forward his reply to your manager, explaining to him that this is not the first time he has asked you to do stuff for him and despite you being civil and polite about having enough on your plate, this is how he responds.
      The email is your proof of what he is doing and you don't need to play the "he said - she said" game. Also, you would have shown your manager that you tried to handle it on your own with your first email message...I am sure your manager would step up and say/do something about it.
      Nov 26, 2019
  • Amazon Stylus
    All business relationships are supposed to exchange favours. You need to start asking him to do things in return. Or find a way to say no, or suggest one of the other males on the team.
    Nov 12, 2019 1
    • Microsoft Qelj63
      All the other replies aside. This is the best advice.
      Nov 13, 2019
  • Amazon y33tcode
    What secretaries fix builds and log dive? You are trying really hard to push the secretary narrative. Maybe push back on the shit work, unless you are twiddling your thumbs waiting for tasks?
    Nov 22, 2019 5
    • Amazon y33tcode
      Whatever you have to do to cope and keep telling yourself it's the world that's against you, so you can ignore experiences that would force others to be introspective.
      Nov 24, 2019
    • Softvision AOoB63
      And whatever you have to do ( and are doing ) to keep your fake ego inflated
      Nov 24, 2019
  • Amazon / Eng

    Amazon Eng

    He's making use of your contingent status. Try working up towards FTE. Things will change.
    Nov 7, 2019 1
    • Softvision AOoB63
      There are male contingent workers in the team as well but he never asks any of them to do all the stupid work… He even tags me in emails and asked me to do stuff in front of everybody… Like “please help me bounce the server”… “Please help me in deploying the changes I did “
      Nov 7, 2019
  • Amazon mopfloor
    Don’t help him.
    Nov 18, 2019 0


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