Dear Admissions Officer, I am delighted to hear that your college will not require standardized test scores for admission this fall. I have long felt that a simple number (or GPA, for that matter) reduces a person to a robot expected to learn formulae, read and analyze long and boring books, correctly solve problems, and write boring essays. I am so much more than numbers, letter grades, test scores, and curricula can possibly capture, and I salute your admissions department for having the vision to look past this. I have been excited to hear that your university is looking for people who are ready to lead change. I have been watching on TV the protests occurring on your campus and I wish to tell you, I am ready to lead change. I do not even know which side I will be joining (maybe both? Idk, I didn’t take any history or current events classes), but I am ready to lead change. You should feel good about yourselves for the wise, humanitarian gesture you are committing by admitting me over more qualified, more serious students who want to “learn” before changing the world, and when sending me my acceptance letter, please send me a tent, as I do not own one and I plan to save money on room and board by living on the main quad (even though my parents are wealthy).
WTF did I just read..