Parents - Share experiences with >=1 kids
If you are a parent, can you please share what you regret/could have done differently (no second/third kid, more/less time gap between two kids, should have had kids early/later, etc). We both are working full time and have a year old. My partner wants another kid so that the kids remain almost the same age group. I'm kind of biased of having single kid at this point of time given our commitments to work and responsibilities. Do you think having more than one kid sooner is better (similar mentality/age group) or waiting for a few years. I am asking in terms of dealing with kids tantrums/teenage drama in the future. What is better? If there is age gap, will the older kid help with the younger one? What are your experiences?#parenting #workingparent
We’ve gone over this time and time again and three things ultimately made me decide on 1 kid. 1) I will not be a happier person with 2 kids. It is an incredible feat and I admire anyone that has more than one. Even one is hard as hell, but also the best thing in the world. 2) Costs, it wasn’t adding up. Especially if you’re in HCOL. Two kids at daycare up to $3200 per month daycare fees. College savings. Wedding savings. Car savings. Retirement savings. I could give the best life possible with more resources and chances for success to 1 child. Where if I had two or more, opportunities are significantly reduced. 3) I can count on one hand sets of siblings that truly love hanging out with each other. That’s not enough motivation for me. I’m not the person that will just have a kid so they can have a friend, because the chances of that lasting are minimal at best. (Opinions are my own.)
Not disagreeing completely but I have 2 siblings - we all paid for our own weddings, took loans out for college, and etc. but yeah so many other costs will add up.
But wouldn’t it have been nice to have your parents help pay for all those things in some way? I have a sibling too and I can say without hesitation my parents would have been happier and wealthier with just one of us. That’s not to say I don’t love my sibling. I also don’t want my kid paying for their own wedding, college, first car, and be in crippling debt before they even get their lives started. This economy sucks and I want my kid to get a fair shot.
In my experience having a large age gap is very tough. They do not play with each others much and we need to drive them to their extra activities separately.
I think a gap of 4-5 years is ideal. - If one kid is in highschool, other will be in final years of undergraduate. It reduces financial complications. - Second, you get a chance to not make the same mistakes you made while raising the first kid. - It depends on the way the first born was conceived (c-section, normal). 4-5 year gap is generally recommended between C-section
It's better to have 2 kids as in US social life is already screwed up .they have each other to play with..but from mom's perspective I will say she has to be mentally as well as physically ready to have another child as initial 2-3 years can be rough but it becomes better from there else you can have another kid at 4-5 years of age difference.
Me and my siblings are close but we’re all 3+ years apart (there’s 4 of us). I also know twins who hate each other lol. So you can wait another year or two imo
Very glad to only have had one. Original plan was 3, 1st one arrived and had a series of medical issues. He is doing okay now, but having a second would have pushed my partner and I are over the edge. He misses out on sibling relationships, so we encourage more friendships.
I am the mom of an almost 2 year old. I want a sibling for her but don't want to go through the whole cycle of pregnancy and initial care again! I don't know what to do either!
I’m a mom too to 1 child. I have the dilemma but per my reasons above, we’re 1 and done. And very content with it now. It was a tough pill to swallow in the beginning but once you make the call it feels better as time goes on.
I know! It's still difficult for me to accept that she will never have a sibling. My husband doesn't want a second either!
I think a ~2 year gap is ideal.
Yeah my brother is younger than me by 2 years and this is what i observed in manu families
Mid 30s, no kids yet here but when we do decide, it's going to be 2 for sure for many reasons others mentioned already. One thing I want to say about things like saving up for your kid's college, car, wedding, etc - your kids you do what you feel is right but we won't do this. We are immigrants in this country and nothing was given to us here. We had to work to get what we have and that's what made us who we are and this is how we plan on raising our kids as well. If they want to have a car, go to college, etc. the US is a very developed country with many possibilities. They will figure it out I'm sure if they want to get somewhere in life.
While true all these things are much harder now than they were for our generation, schools are not expensive and more competitive so just because you accomplished it doesn't mean they can necessarily
All I tried to say is that I won't be raising my kids for them to rely on my assistance 100% because they need to put some effort towards what they want. None of us live forever and they need to be able to navigate in this life without much assistance from their parents, otherwise they will always be comfortable and probably will not accomplish much by themselves.
I thank my stars everyday that my parents decided to have another kid and I have a sibling. Having a sibling can be a good support system for the kids. Somebody to talk to in an increasingly isolated world.
Confirmed from an only child. Even though my parents gave me enough love growing up that I didn’t feel lonely, it hits different when you hit adulthood. Friendships come and go, most of them change as people get married and have kids. Your spouse can’t be everything for you. I’m in my 30s and wish more than ever that I had a sibling.
I have been through multiple life changing situations and my brother has been a very important support in my life. Without him, I don't know what I would have done. Siblings help with isolation as a kid but play an even vital role when you are an adult and at rock bottom.