During the day its exact opposite, sad, regretful, feeling like an under achiever in both personal and professional life, no social life, no new friends, old friends faded, introverted repulsive force for all people, professionally so many better people with my experience, travel limitations, feeling stuck, feeling lost confused out of place out of time wanting to go back in time and wish this damn pandemic never happened, things never became so monotonous, unmovable, just empty, no satisfaction from what I do and doesn’t feel enough or soul enriching or something that is making difference to anyone, peers in friend circle getting married, landing babies, making huge leaps in life and one part of me is afraid either ways no matter what. And when the clock strikes midnight, when the entire world seems silent sleeping low key low energy tired, I experience this strange mood flip that makes me feel powerful, accompanied by headphones and my favourite playlist especially one where the lyrics makes so much sense, make me so not want to be doing things what my friends peers or anyone else is doing the things the exact same things that I thought were intimidating during the day which made me feel inferior to all, under achiever kinda. And some power in the magic of night and darkness that I am so comfortable with. Not sure which side of me is real. No I am in touch with reality. But this experience is real. The best or the worst part is I am completely aware of it. But its odd. No I don’t drink or so. This is just how it feels lately where lately has been a while. If I were a good writer I can imagine converting this to a rhyming lyrics and rap on it.
For people with depression it is a common trait that Dopamine increases during late hours when the circadian clock should be suppressing dopamine and increasing melatonin. Check out the Huberman lab podcast. Unfortunately your midnight mood change is a common biological symptom amongst those who are depressed.
Reverse Cinderella story 😃 but seriously just get a cabin in the woods, get off social media n chill for a week
Wow, I cannot believe someone wrote what I've been feeling for so, so long.. I don't even remember when it started.
what grade did u get in literary writing OP? Seriously u wrote all what I have been feeling
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I feel the same