Reflecting my mental health issues at Amazon

I was a bright and confident person. Total 6 yoe, and 1 year at amazon. The insanity I’ve experienced in this year turned me into a misanthropic person with clinical depression and physical illness. I’m on antidepressants med the first time in my life. Noting this down so I don’t forget how toxic a company culture can be. I’m working on leaving, but I haven’t been able to. - many colleagues worked til 2am. Most people work on weekends. SDM asked whole team to work on thanksgiving for arbitrary deadline. - fake urgency on everything. Everything is needed asap. And when it’s finished, leadership forgets about it. - Forced to use doc writing as a way to manipulate, spin lies, to get rid of manager’s opponent. E.g., I wrote doc with the intention to throw people under the bus. - manger control your life. I’ve always gotten promotion very fast in any place I work. But at here, manager can find thousands of reasons why I’m not good enough. - getting great feedback from Eng team in forte. Manager said good feedback means I didn’t exploit Eng enough. - Being forced to disrespect engineers work/life boundary, in the name of LP. I harassed Eng at late night for petty issue (e.g., getting numbers to make leadership looks good) even when they are on sick leave, or in family event at 9pm. - nitpicking. Every sentence structure, verb, adjective you use will be scrutinized and asked for revised for 100 times. Manager is obsessed about this and will personally revise it til 1am. And in leadership review, people barely discuss it . - constant criticism on everything I do. Every morning i know I’ll login to slack to see more criticism. At the same time, manager lied that he’s promoting me. - colleagues are very competitive in sucking up L8. - leadership explicitly ask us to squeeze the most out from Eng. Sometimes I pushed back and quoting the team is already stretch (work every weekend). I was criticized as weak. - people are very mean debating each other in meetings. - we treat dev as numbers on spreadsheet. We shuffle them, randomize what they’re working on every few months. - backstabbing. I was asked by a SDM to work on project A. And once I started to work on it, he send negative feedback to my manager that I was distracted by project A. - I was asked to page the team at 11pm, to modify a few sentences in quip that’s based on lie. —— Good things: good products, talented colleagues, effective execution Need to sleep. Will polish and add more tmr. TC: 🥜