SDM - depressed, stuck in career

TC: 400 YOE: 10 in tech, 7 outside prior to tech in several industries, including 3 years of entrepreneurship/startup M, mid-30s, married/kids Company: JezoSsss... I really need an advice and honest response from this community. Haters - please skip. Jokes are welcome, but please do provide your input. If you’ve been to a similar situation, pls mention the background (was SDM etc...). 7 years ago became an SDM in a different company, then moved to Amazon, at A for the past 5 years. Decent at people management (multiple people told me, both privately, anonymously, etc). Problem - I’ve never enjoyed it, it was always a lot of stress with zero reward. Amazon made it even worse - I even started hating tech (which I never did), let alone people management. Transitioned to SDM and forced myself to stick to it for years only because of money. Project management, performance management (pips and dev lists - freaking hate this crap), need to be in tech details of things I haven’t worked on (systems, etc), cheerleading, people drama/psychology, need to be present and speak in the never ending meetings (half of which is BS or for a broad audience, so useful for 5%, BUT I have to listen in most of it, so that people won’t tell I’m not present, etc) - all that I do NOT like in management. The only thing that somewhat is rewarding - coaching and helping SDEs grow, but over years even this one evened out. Before SDM, I was a developer for 3 years (reached intermediate level, I don’t think I ever was a truly senior). I don’t remember if I loved it, but I had a lot of moments when I was looking towards coming to work, moments of “a-ha” when yesterday I freaking hated my job/project and the next day I’ve got a brilliant idea how to solve a problem and it’s a bliss/flow. Problem - don’t want to be an SDM, don’t want to be in Amazon/FB kind of cultures. Unhappy/hate my job for the past at least 5.5 years. Anxiety/mild-moderate depression (mostly anxiety-infused) treated by SSRIs, working with counsellors for the past 2 years, hormone misbalance - also treated. #depression Options: 1. 6 months sabbatical - leave Amazon finally for the love of banana, which I’ve been wanting to do since Day 1. Chill, think, rewire, see if clarity will come on its own. Con - (1) can afford, but expensive (with no income), (2) what if clarity won’t come and I’ll be in a more stressful situation without a job and not knowing what to do next, will probably default to getting back to SDM elsewhere. 2. Find SDM/Director position in a different company - good culture might make sufficient difference that I’ll stop hating this job/role. 3. Change role. This is a big one. I’ve spent a LOT of time thinking about this one. Options (ready for a pay cut): 3.1. SDE. REALLY scared to transition back to SDE - rusty, don’t like leetcode, have little confidence that I’ll make it to the job offers (leetcode etc) and moreover that I’ll enjoy it. Pros - more fulfilling work due to creative process, more job options. 3.2. Front end/Web developer - was always fascinated by front end, especially things like Google maps design and architecture on the front end (and back end). Same concerns as 3.1. Pros - more fulfilling work due to creative process, more job options. 3.3. Join my friend as a partner in consulting - he does CRM dev for different industries and I used to know CRMs fairly well. Cons - same as 3.1-3.2 plus lack of stable income. Pros - more control, less corporate BS, potential to build a company, creative process. 3.4. Transition to UX designer. Was always liking spending a lot of time creating designs for my projects (especially during entrepreneurship), I’d lose sense of time while doing so. Cons - big turn, start from scratch, not sure if I’ll enjoy it at the actual job, day to day as a professional. Pros - creative process that I do like! 3.5. Solutions designer at AWS or elsewhere. Cons - ramp up-back/learning curve not as steep as SDE, but still a ramp up. Pros - solving real various problems, working directly with customers, creative process. 3.6. Please pitch in. Thank you!