Update: we are breaking up after a long discussion. She’s upset with my repeated accusation of her not contributing to our finance, rejected proposal to see therapist citing I’m too poor and she’s too tired for that. I have removed her as my dependent on my employer benefits. It’s a clean breakup. Thanks for all the comments, encouragement. I really need them Some people are mad that I’m saving stock and bonus. I simply wrote them off in my mind when I wrote this post. My employer stock has fallen 75% and I haven’t sold a single share. My TC is 211k instead of 300k if evaluated by todays stock price. If I sell now I lose another half to tax. So I don’t count them as savings. Bonus is unpredictable and my bonus is used to pay up tax owed because my tax withholding is 23%, far below the required 37%, in order to increase my month-to-month take home paycheck. I don’t count these as saving just as I don’t count stock speculation win/loss as savings (100k gain last year, 200k loss this year). If I can’t save any on base salary, I am feeling threatened. It’s just my bottom line. For precision sake, I am saving 20.5k on 401k, which is useless. I can’t use that money for house down payment or kids. Marriage could have saved us a huge tax bill of $44389. But it’s not a solution. It’s just seeping dirt under the carpet. ————————— original post———————— 4:30 am and here I am. Anxious because I’ve been unable to save money despite 300k TC (HCOL). My checking account goes up at every paycheck and then decline to where it started every month. It’s been painful. When I was single and paid substantially less (180k tc), I was able to take home $6000 after tax a month from which I can save $3000. Now with 300k tc and a dependent girlfriend I take home $8000 a month and am saving nothing. I’m getting hit with unexpected bill here and there. Eye exam and glasses $300, dental check $400, deep cleaning $2600 (gf has no eye/dental insurance). Dog had to clean tartar on teeth which costs unexpected $1100. Car registration next month due $400. It’s endless. We live nowhere near extravagant and I myself barely spend money. I am very disciplined with my money and have accumulated 300k networth in 2.5 years. I think twice before buying an ice cream. We lease the cheapest Volkswagen, but insurance cost tripled after an accident. We don’t go to theater, don’t go to travel out of state/USA, we went a regular 1b apartment whose cost went up 10% this year. Not an option for girlfriend to work because she hates tech culture where everyone chases TC. She worked at a startup as cofounder with zero tc but even that is falling apart. She now has trouble with her visa and is looking into volunteering work. She floated the idea of moving to Europe which I think is just another escapist idea. She wants to be a housewife and spent time with kid. We are not married. We are domestic partners (M27, F26). I just added here to my company benefit as a dependent so the health insurance is expected to double per month. I am suffocating under all the invisible expense that eats my tc away. I am at the end of my STEM OPT and failed h1b lottery three times and will need another degree to keep working in the US, which means more tuition cost of $1200 a month. A child is unthinkable. Buying a house is unthinkable. What is the way out? Is it reasonable to grow my tc to $500k in a few years? I’m learning like crazy about all the tech stacks, React, NodeJs, Docker&Kubernetes, NoSql, Spark, data warehouse & Hadoop. I’m trying to become tech lead / principal engineer asap. Or should I give up our relationship? I love my gf and she loves me but I don’t want to live this poor and have a child born into this financial circumstances #personalfinance #investments #relationships
As a woman who raised children while working, I think your GF could take some pressure off of your finances by getting at least a part time job. Your TC will grow and then that job can be reassessed. She will likely enjoy working because of the social aspects and a sense of accomplishment derived from a job
That’s a good point
Why are you doing this when it financially doesn’t make sense at all? Cultural? What is your and your gf ethnicity?
She takes pride in being a housewife. Also she’s terrible at interviews
I do too! But you've gotta practice to get better at them. Takes pride in being a housewife? 🤨🤨
I'm sorry to hear that you are suffocating and it indeed sounds painful:(( Take my advice with a grain of salt, but the best option really is your GF getting a job. Doesn't need to be in tech, and even if it's in tech she gotta think about it as a means to end, noone really loves their job but they do it for different reasons and paying the rent and bills is a big one.
Yeah she’s looking into volunteering because it gives meaning to her work. I don’t think she cares about getting paid
Honestly if that’s the case, she’s being selfish. She’s not considering what you’re providing her if she’s willing to volunteer “for meaning” while continuing to be supported 100%. What would she do if you were not in the picture?
Can you move to a different state? Texas has a low cost of living. Also why not ask her to work until you gain seniority at least? It doesn't have to be in tech. It's not your job to pay for her when there is no kid.
How is that looking for someone with only 2.5 yoe? Are future career opportunities severely limited?
Sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. I suggest you show your girlfriend these spreadsheets and really explain to her your concerns. Also- “Not an option for girlfriend to work because she hates tech culture where everyone chases TC.” There are several jobs outside of tech, this is not an excuse. You guys are not married and don’t have kids together, this is supposed to be the easy part.
She wants to find meaningful work and is looking for volunteering (animal care, environment awareness etc). I don’t think she will get paid
Dude she’s living a fantasy and using your hard earned $$$ Tell her get a fucking job that pays
Not an option for your 26 year old GF to work? That sounds like bullshit wrapped in bacon. Has she ever worked since she got out of school? I personally couldn’t share my life with someone so lazy and dependent. Time to let her go.
I’m seriously considering break up at this point. I’ve tried
OP, your gf sounds extremely childish "she hates tech culture where everyone chases TC", "wants to move to Europe". You have nailed it with your escapist comment. Vast majority of population do not love their jobs, we do it because we have responsibilities. Your GF does not want the responsibility, yet she doesn't mind spending your hard earned money in a "toxic" work place. I suggest you make up your mind and have a conversation with her. I seriously doubt she will mature so soon, your only option is to break up.
You have over 300k in total savings…not sure you qualify as broke
He is not broke. He is saying his savings have stopped growing.
how are we supposed to give advice without any pics
Have you tried having an honest discussion with your girlfriend? I a Kinda in the similar bucket. Without my wife's job I wont be able to save a penny. Actually I will start losing money. Fortunately my wife understands money needs because I am open to her about and and plus she loves having a job as opposed to just being a home maker. Maybe show your girlfriend your monthly expenses. Amd explain why it is necessary for you to save. Her hating tech culture and TC chasers is survivable IMO. I have seen plenty of people who just ride a simple job for years at end wile staying away from everything. Unless there is another reason for her to not work.
We had financial discussion each week though she’s completely fine with our current finance. She says she doesn’t need a lot of money, but also wants more than two kids which sound impossible to me
Have you tried creating a budget that shows what happens with two kids? Also what happens in retirement?
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Why do you need another degree? Why isn’t your employer applying for H1B or GC?
Failed h1b lottery 3 times. It’s rigged and heavily abused
Wouldn’t call it rigged, it’s a lottery … But company could have given you some options …