Trouble making friends at work
I have trouble making connections with people at work and become friends with them. I see others at work hang out even outside of the office. I find it awkward to ask questions about people in a group setting and feel I barely know my coworkers as people. I don’t have the same problem outside of work - I easily keep friends for a long time once that connection is built. I’m used to building deep connections that last for years. Work settings just seem superficial and you tend to not keep in touch in a couple years. I find it difficult to break the “professional” wall and show my personality. Advice?
Trust me you don’t need to make friends at work. I used to think like you but now I get it: many nerds are just cliquish and only want to hang out with ones exactly like them. You just need to smile and be polite enough as to not to arouse hostility. If you can’t work in this environment just change positions. You will eventually find one that fit your personality better. But honestly there are so many factors at work that are more important than making social friends
Large groups can be intimidating. See if you can talk to people on your team 1-1 first like the people who sit next to you. Start small and ask about hobbies or interests
That’s cool but I feel the conversation tend to end there. I want to make friends that I can hang out with in 5 years who will help me out if needed, vice versa. For example, some people share their salaries with each other at work, I just don’t seem to be able to get into those circles.
Unfortunately the truth is that not everyone will be that close to each other. Maybe you could try looking for people who may share similar personality traits with you? Talking to someone else who is also quiet or doesn't quite fit in can help
Join a startup. I generally avoid making friends at work if it’s a large company. Too much liability. For example, what if you say something they take offense to?
have their back, be trustworthy, if they volunteer personal information you are more in the clear for taking steps towards developing friendship, join in on coffee breaks and occasional after work events. it’s rare to find people willing to bond with you like this and maintain the friendship for longer. i would recommend being cautious. don’t be too trustworthy of others, it’s hard to tell for a few months whether they are an asshole or not. if they are- it would be nicer if you had kept a distance the whole time and not given them space to hurt you. this sounds like a prisoners dilemma situation if both parties actually wanted to be friends in the first place with my mindset.
How long have been in your team? It also sometimes depends if everyone is in the same age bracket for you to relate to everyone. You do not need to know all of them well, however you can make buddies over coffee or lunch etc
I have the same trouble as you -- can't connect with people in larger groups. Try having 1:1 conversations. For me this usually happens during breakfast/lunch/dinner when there's only one other person from my team around. It starts with superficial stuff. Force yourself to keep doing it regardless. Eventually you will become friends. To me it happened over many months, but I do have 3-4 coworkers that I call friends now. I remember my social psychology professor used to say all strong relationships are built like peeling an onion, slow and steady, one layer at a time. I think it applies here.
Despite some comments here, some of my closest friends have indeed come from workplaces. You need friends at work so that you can be honest without being perceived as a Nay-sayer.
Work is work. Those that make friends and hang out are cool..sounds like it doesn’t come natural to you so just don’t. If it seems superficial then it is. Others don’t have that issue. Either way so be it and focus on work. A good co-working relationship is different then trying to find your next life long friend. Relax.
I used to think about this too. The best bet is to be cordial, keep your guard up, wait for others to volunteer information and go out to social events when possible. You might wind up connecting with someone you previously thought you had no connection to. But keep in mind that it’s work and these people aren’t going home thinking about you. Focus on your work first and foremost.
don't
Then how do you meet new lifelong friends? Most my friends are from school years.
don't try to make lifelong friends at work. go out and socialize.if it happens by itself it happens. don't try and make it happen. be professional and friendly but keep your guard up. don't volunteer unnecessary information.