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Work: -Micromanaged by my boss to death, will restructure sentences that are trivially different -Overloaded with items, when I told my boss he just shrugged, I said it can’t all be done and he didn’t seem to care -No career advancement, little incentive to work hard as you just get more work -Colleagues are cut throat and only thinking about how you can help their agenda -Leadership is clueless and making terrible business decisions (guess doesn’t matter as long as I get a paycheck) Personal Life: -Wife has her own business which is largely unprofitable and been that way for the last 5 years. I probably put $5-10K a year to keep it running, which isn’t that much, but still -Wife has never ending requests, like wanting house cleaners, now wants to buy real estate in other states and be a real estate investor -Eats out at Starbucks every day -Constantly complains, complains how Trump is in the news, complains how people talk to her in the store, complains that our seats don’t recline in a 1.5 hour flight - some things we can’t control, but you can control your outlook. -I find my relationship with her draining, she ducks my energy out and I feel I’m the only one paddling in the boat -I’m realizing that we’re actually very different -Were in therapy but not seeing real progress Both things in unhappy about.
How old are you op? You have kids? Not too late to duck out of the marriages
no kids, later 30s
I feel you. You’re not alone. I really don’t have much to suggest because I’m struggling with similar issues, but you should know that this happens to other people.
yeah I don’t know if I’m right or wrong on things
I am not against divorce but if you are thinking you find someone better or live alone, they are also difficult choices... So try giving a chance of current situation and good that you are in therapy but also convey your feelings... usually i want to do that with gentle but firm voice right when i feel my wife should not behave this way and also try to see situation from both end... Last thing when your professional life is not good, it directly effects your personal! We are not TV that switch channel from professional to personal and vice versa without consequences... I would suggest that you improve your professional life, it will directly improve your personal!
Divide the things here that are real worries from the things that are just irritating. e.g. your work life kind of sucks, but you know what it takes to change that and can make a goal, might take a few months even a year, but being in motion toward where you want to go will make a difference. All jobs have crappy phases, so you might find that the grass isn't greener elsewhere, or maybe it is! On your personal life, some of these things, real problems, you are working on them in therapy. Some of them... they are problems because they irritate you, but probably don't matter. Going to starbucks every day, spending some money to keep a business running if you can afford it. They are irritants. Some of them you should just let go. House cleaners for example, if you can afford it, just do it, don't fight about it, don't stress about it, the energy there just isn't worth it. Feeling like your relationship drains you, feeling alone, feeling like you can't talk to them... that stuff matters. Almost everything is fixable, but you both have to want to fix it. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but let go of the little stuff that doesn't matter, if you fix the big things, the things that really matter, you won't even notice that little stuff.
Well said dude. 100% like it.
OP i think you need some self therapy. Also need a few people you trust to run some ideas so you are not suffering alone.
Op tc Teammates tc Spouse tc Therapist tc
We are hearing one sided story. Not sure how otherside feels or contribute.
Follow your guy/ heart. If I were you though, I’d GTFO before I accidentally have kids and be stuck longer and be even more miserable . But before you do, jot down a list of pros and cons. And then imagine life without her. Text it out by staying with friends/family for a week. There’s also separation while living in the same home to test out the situation before pulling the plug ..google that approach
No spouse is perfect. Maybe throw some work at her to keep her busy... Or maybe have kids...
Terrible advice.
Omg.. kids with a bad spouse .. worst advice ever
Divorce and hit the gym and LC
Never seen a solution to so many problems in a shorter sentence.
To add to this, watch “The Dinner Party” episode of The Office. It’s Season 4, Episode 13. It sounds a lot like your partner OP.