offer comparison: gf vs better career move
Offer #1: Anduril - 285k + 30k signing bonus - free food (breakfast/lunch/dinner) - would be great for my career - like the mission - heard the WLB is bad - I would need to move to LA to work in the office 5 days a week - would possibly be the end of my relationship if I move across the country to LA. That would be so awful, because my gf is amazing and I could really see spending the rest of my life with her. She’s really special to me, she was literally a freaking virgin when I met her. I’m 25 now and I’m not sure if I’ll meet someone like her again, and it seems the odds only get lower as I get older. She’s okay with doing long distance, but it’s so hard to see myself doing that for over a year Offer #2: Brivo - $120k TC… All in cash, no stock, no bonus, no signing - great WLB - the project I would be working on actually seems really cool. I would be on a brand new team so there’s nothing to ramp up on, no tech debt, and my first couple months would basically be helping decide on the system design / architecture of this new project - FULLY REMOTE, could stay in my LCOL area and stay with my girlfriend which would be great [UPDATE — RECEIVED ANOTHER OFFER. WILL PROBABLY DO A FOLLOW UP POST] YOE: 3 TC: 0 (laid off almost 6 months ago, lol) #anduril #brivo #offers #polls
Not sure how her being a virgin is noteworthy in this post but anyways... Stick with her. Sounds like it's working out well. There's always new jobs and more money in the future.
Don’t sacrifice all the good things in life just for career. Take Brivo but keep looking for better career options that don’t require that much sacrifice, or move with gf later on, etc…
Ask her, her opinion - mention how you feel about her and how you see a possibility the move to LA could come between you. Also mention that you are still undecided. Alternate option: negotiate for a bit better compensation with remote offer.
I did ask her and she said it’s my decision, and I should do what will best protect my future. And that whichever I pick, she will try her best to make our relationship work. However, I just don’t have any confidence in long distance relationships. That never works
Brivo initially offered 110k but I got them to bump it up to 120k. I’m afraid if I give them Anduril’s actual offer, they’ll be scared and renege my offer. Before the recruiter gave me the offer she asked if I had any competing offers and she was like “I just want to make sure it’s not something wayyyy out of our range like $160k” (lol)
Leaving something as important as love for money, would never be a wise choice. And you already mentioned about bad WLB, when you would come back home after that stressful job of yours you'd regret leaving the love of your life.
If the virgin thing matters to you, whatever... Getting a solid gf is much harder than getting into Google/FAANG companies these days. Both of you can move to LA/other cities for your career later. There's always another big tech job but a solid relationship is hard to come by
Working at andruil is morally questionable. I would take doing nothing over working there.
I don’t think it’s bad morally, even though I definitely disagree with some of the US’ military and foreign policy decisions. Would you rather China or Russia have the most powerful weapons? That would be a nightmare. Powerful weapons can also deter war from breaking out in the first place, saving many lives.
I'd rather stay out of all of these and take no parts. Remember herd mentality only benefits those in power.
Interestingly, 120K in lcol may not be very different from 285 K in hcol in terms of lifestyle. With 285K, you’ll end up in a high tax bracket, say 40% extra work hours and broken relationship. Plus a higher cost of living. I’d go with 120K option if it keeps my relationship intact with good wlb and low cost of living.
Yeah wlb will give OP the flexibility to spend great time with his gf. That'll pay off way more than moving.
First, lol @ the title. More importantly, this is a decision you and your gf need to make together. Is she on the same page about spending the rest of your lives together? If you stay, what does that life look like? Is that a life that will make both of you happy? I wouldn’t be deciding on the job. I’d be deciding whether to propose. Don’t pay the price of commitment until you both commit. FWIW, if you bluntly lay this all out on the table for the Brivo recruiter, I suspect they’ll extend the time period to decide a bit lol
I do think it’s a little bit early to propose since she’s only been my gf for 5 months. Realistically, I could actually see myself proposing within the next year though. I just wish I had more time to decide on this job 🤦♂️
@OP since it’s just 5 months, take the job … If you were in a few years already, I’d say stick with the gf
As someone currently seeking to leave a high-stress Azure team, it’s difficult to properly communicate how important maintaining your mental health is vs. additional TC. Is that $285k worth working weekends? Ok, maybe yes. But how about it being worth gaining 10 pounds, because you suddenly don’t feel at liberty to exercise? How about a big hit to your sex life, because suddenly, it’s just that much harder to find time for quality time with your GF, and even though you still care for each other, you no longer are taking time for all of those subtle little things that keep you two romantically charged, moments you might even be taking for granted now? Is it worth the mental pain of feeling under scrutiny , your manager hinting at PIP, just to get you to work harder? The hit to your self confidence when a stressed out manager decides if they just lay more pressure on your performance, maybe they’ll still hit their OKRs? I really would not recommend heading to a high stress environment personally, especially if you’re pulling 6 figures in LCOL. Hiring will pick up next year, and then you’ll have more opportunities to interview with big name companies with better WLB. Source: Stressed out Azureite who has managed to maintain performance at work, but with pretty high emotional and personal cost. After some long conversations with my partner, have decided that no job is worth sacrificing certain things. My partner is an amazing person and our communication is great, but never underestimate the personal toll of your work.
Yeah I think I'd walk away as I'm considering moving to Microsoft as a Data Arch (currently Java Dev at a Bank) due to the extra pressure added to meet targets at the cost of personal wellbeing. Cause the way you put it, this ain't worth it...
get her to move to la
She still has 1 year left of school. She’s in a really demanding orthodontal program that requires 6 days a week of classes/patients, so it would tough for her to visit on weekends too 🙃
Do long distance then. U guys arent unique by any means. Plenty do long distance