what does actual ambition even look like?

everything seems so abstract and hollow. vcs drone on about "building," but there's no cultural depth to any of this, nothing that i could even briefly trick myself into taking pride in. people see this and they either optimize for an exit (via tc, short sale, ipo even) or they shrug and decide that they probably just need some more hobbies, some more drugs, some more friends, some more therapy, some more acHievIng mY GoAls — but neither of these two levers actually addresses the original problem, namely this deep intuition that the *work* is fundamentally empty. people want to work — to suffer, even — to the glory of — what? i cannot offer an answer to that question that lasts longer than a couple of minutes. it has been years since i've been able to do that. there is a kind of grand maturity in truly giving up on those of one's ambitions which extend beyond the bounds of one's own family. and maybe i'll just keep wandering, spiritually, until i do that, but right now that feels so disgustingly selfish — to expend literally all of my resources on providing mere creature comforts to one or two or three people, other than myself. i love my girlfriend. i want to have kids with her someday, but i have trouble even picturing doing that before i've Done something about which i can be truly proud.