Toxic Indian uncle back home keeps asking me about my salary
I have an uncle back in India who's pretty toxic (not one off, but multiple incidents in the last decade, so, I'm not jumping the gun). I've done nothing bad to him. I'm 20 years younger. I've always been nice to him and his family and helped them out whenever they asked. I don't get it though. He was nice to me when I was a kid. Anyways, he's in tech too and he's a project manager in a service based company (TCS, Infosys etc) and I overtook his pay by the time I had 3 YOE in India by getting into good companies. And he attributed most of that to my luck. And when I got into Apple in US right after my masters, he did the same thing. He's like, I'm not discounting your effort, but luck is a huge factor. The thing is, I know I'm lazy and that I'm lucky and I consider myself to be above average smart. But when people with such ill will attribute it to mostly luck without knowing the full picture, it annoys me. I guess he's trying to make himself feel better by convincing himself that things would've been different and much better for himself, if only he was just as "lucky" too. But I don't get why he has to be jealous about it. I mean, his own nephew started from a terrible place and doing well now. If you can't help, that's fine, but please don't try to pull down people at least. To put things into perspective, my monthly salary in India > 2 times of my dad's annual income before I left for US, and now I earn more in USD/yr and than he does in INR/yr. (I'm not trying to humble brag or gain sympathy. It's just for giving a better picture) Or is it that I'm getting salty because he's calling my bluff? Should I tell him how much I earn here? (Sometimes I feel like telling him just to let him know that I'm still light years ahead, but then I feel petty for having felt the need to stoop to his level. Also, I know I shouldn't be comparing myself with such people to begin with. So I don't really know. He keeps bringing it up whenever I call him once/twice a month.) Please share your thoughts (only the useful ones please. Trolls stay away, unless you have something to say that's actually funny) TC 260k #mentalhealth #Indians #family
Tell his daughter about your TC
His cousin?
Not necessarily. Since in India, any random middle-aged man will be addressed as our uncle.
No, you shouldn’t. No good comes of getting into a sick swinging contest with family. Spend the minimum amount of time you need to around toxic people, never be outright rude to them, but don’t hesitate to lay out boundaries, and beyond that, move ahead with your own life.
If you don't want to talk to him, don't talk to him. He's not going to fly to America to bug you. "He's family" only goes so far. You don't have to interact with anyone you don't want to interact with. His emotional problems are not your problems.
‘Stop talking to him’ could be one of the option !
I wish this was an option. But his family and mine are close (he's one of my parent's sibling), so I have to talk to him once/twice a month usually though I don't want to
Is this a group Zoom call or something?
Tell, I aint sharing it.
Can you tell him to go shove his dong somewhere?
I feel like it won't get any better even if you tell him. Is it possible to just talk about different things and divert the topic when it's about TC? Who cares if he is insecure about it. It doesn't sound like that will change so you might as well avoid the topic completely.
Yeah. That's exactly what I've been doing so far, but he's relentless
@OP tell Uncle you have money tree in the backyard
Sharing TC is something I’d only do with friends or colleagues in the same industry who can use the information to negotiate.
Just refer him in apple and he'll know how hard it is to succeed at the interview :)
Yeah tell him that you always considered him as a role model and that he is super Smart. Also mention that the interview process is super easy and anyone can get in. Watch while he burns his ego 😈
This. If they get rejected once, they won't ever dare to talk about career, salary, etc. If they do, just ask what happened with the interview.