I need honest feedback/help please...
***To preface, in no way do I want to come off as complaining or incompetent — I am merely asking for shared experiences and outcomes For context, I interned for the role I am in prior to joining full time. However two weeks before starting full time, my team re-orged and I had a new manager. Long story short, the new manager was far from my old manager in a bad way. He consistently lacked leadership, missed meetings and was unresponsive. I already had the gut feeling 3 months in from starting that this may not be the right fit for me anymore. For the most part I began to feel numb to my job as I was not receiving the support I needed as a new grad + started to hate my role. But the caveat here was that I was bounded to this job for personal reasons up until this Sept - I could not apply elsewhere for legal reasons. Fast-forward to Nov, my team has yet again re-orged and I had gotten a new manager. This manager is worse than the first as she micromanages my every action on a week to week basis and wants me to cc’ her on all my emails, no matter how small the task may be. Mind you that we are also in different career fields, she is engineering (think statistics, developer, data scientist) and I am in a operations capacity (think strategy, finance, ops). So clearly from the start, we butt heads all the time, she questions my process that I’ve been doing for 1+ year and is emotional explosive and defensive in our conversations about things about my process. Also, keep in mind, I voiced to her that I am open to feedback and change but the things that she points out are completely out of line. After speaking to coworkers, she doesn’t have the best rapport and most say “things are only done her way or no way at all” Now, I know most blinders will tell me to “just quit and find a new job” and I have been looking since my eligible date in Sept. I’ve had interview loops from Uber, Snap, Meta, LinkedIn, but I have found that the experiences with these two bad managers have severely damaged my mental state and confidence altogether to perform at anything and I’m not sure if I can keep on going with this. After today’s blowup, I’ve questioned whether quitting without a plan set up is best for my mental state and confidence to be able to think freely — cause everyday now seems more and more anxiety induced. Again, please keep your comments to yourself if you are going to leave something insensitive — I want to hear from others who’ve been in the situation and what was the actions you took to get yourself out. TC:110 YOE:2
I had managers like that. The first one asked me to cc in every email and explain my thought process in everything I did. And another used to give work at 3 PM and used to expect by next day 8 AM as soon as I enter office. I often used to take a sick day or vacation middle of the week. I kept calm and started job search. Left with a 3 week notice that I still regret. Two bosses before them were the best I could ask for. From good bosses you enjoy your work and learn how to mentor. From bad bosses, you learn how you shouldn’t mentor other. Overall experience and skills you learn matters the most. Good luck with job search.
Why did that happen in the first place? (w/ the micromanaging) What do you mean by regretting with a 3 week notice?. Thanks.
I don’t think any particular reason for micromanagers. Manager was abusive after I gave resignation. I didn’t get credit for my work. However, I was happy with my high impact work and things I learned. It made me realized what kind of work I like.
Really sorry you are going though this. Sick leave + vacation + loa. Transfer internally. I would be too worried about immigration to quit with no plan. Are you on OPT still? Can you find part time or volunteer work just to make sure you are ok immigration wise?
Definitely have been thinking that I need an extended time-off. However Q1 is my most busy time of the year and I struggle to find the solution of how I will take PTO + get my work done + have time to interview elsewhere. Transferring internally has to go through my manager, so that does not seem like a viable solution — I can guarantee that she will not vouch for me. Lastly, my “legal issues” have nothing to do with immigration. I am a US citizen. Apologies for being vague but, just understand for that reason I was bounded to my job.
Then, if money allows, I see nothing wrong with just resigning.
Sorry to hear you ended up in a situation like that. I’ve had (still having) a similar case. I think given you did have good relationships with your previous managers and there was nothing wrong with either your processes or your approaches I would assume it is really your new manager who definitely lacks trust. The most important thing to realize for you is that -it’s not your fault-. Toxic management has this really bad effect on people that they start questioning their abilities, become uncertain and indecisive. This obviously does not help anyone trying to leave or interview elsewhere I think there are (at least) three options: - you provide professional fact based feedback to your manager. I would really recommend this as I’ve seen some really positive effects of this. Be prepared and have specific examples. Follow some model (SBI) or some other to provide some rails. Have a plan B though if things go sideways :) - you accept the situation, accept that it’s not you causing it and try to survive until the next reorganization. Start learning, do side gigs, pet projects, whatever keeps you technically challenged and motivated. This can be tricky or long, so maybe start interviewing as well? - you leave this situation immediately. Whether absence or permanent does not matter but staying in an abusive relationship (doesn’t matter where) will not help and it will not go away miraculously It obviously depends on personal factors (visa, financial background, risk aversion, attachment to company). Good luck
Thanks for your kind words — you’re absolutely right on the trust aspect. I’ve actually taken some of steps you mentioned to build up trust and provide fact based feedback — but again this is where the clash of mindsets and careers paths usually occurs and we get nowhere. Think of my manager as a 60ish year old bitter, divorced grandma that has stayed the same title for 5+ years. Not much room for changing her perception at this point.
Sorry you’re having this experience- it sounds word for word like what I’m going through now. Other ppl here have commented on LOE/Vacation already, so I wanted to add my 2 cents on leaving first without a plan. My last company was super toxic and gaslighted me all the time. I’ve been doing my job for 5 years and I know I’m good but after just 6 months at this horrible place my confidence was worn down to zero. Worst thing was when I brought up ethical concerns up to leadership, they put me on pip immediately. When I passed pip with flying colors they fired me anyways. I wanted to interview right away and get into a prestigious company to prove I was way better than that crap startup. but I was bitter and not in a good mental space. After some unsuccessful interviews I decided to just stop and give myself time to recover. I joined a gym and went every day, I meditated, gardened, and read so many books. After 3 months of just doing what I wanted to do and reflecting on my past experiences J noticed my confidence slowly coming back. I could look on this time with apathy and could form a good story around it. That’s when I felt comfortable interviewing again. Now I am working at a great company with great WLB and TC. It sucks sometimes, but even on my worst days it doesn’t come close to that toxic startup. It took me 1 whole year to build up my confidence again but now I’m good. Long story short, if you have the financial means, take the time you need. Mental health is important and the longer you neglect it the longer you need to recover.
It sounds like you feel a sense of responsibility to your work. The pro side of that is that you likely do things well, the con is that no job or company will reward you for this - they’re getting lots out of you as a norm, so why change? No time that’s good for time off will ever happen. The thing to do - and it’s hard when you feel a commitment and sense of responsibility to your work - is to start to separate from it. Put some of these questions to yourself (or get a friend/trusted advisor/mentor/coach to do it): what’s the most important thing in your life? What makes you feel good(about/in yourself)? What do you want to achieve in your life? All of this is about discovering who you are and what’s important to you, as distinct from your career. Once you have this understanding it’s much easier to get distance between your job and your life. You’ll still “show up” and do a good job, but you’re less likely to get caught up in the drama and cycles of a workplace or job.
Dude, just take a LOA. It’s usually covered by the company in some shape or form without risk of losing your job. You can just create some sort of white lie so as not to impact your managerial relationships. Take a couple weeks to collect yourself and start applying/ asking for referrals etc. you’ll find another job in no time with your exp. Most of all don’t tolerate anything that impacts your confidence in any way! Good luck I know you’ll figure it out!
Thanks for this — that’s the plan to some degree that I’ve thought of. Holiday season does help a bit with time off. Just a bit hard when this new manager is shoving task after task down my throat — so no time ever feels right to take time off.