I arrived at Uscreen very vocal about my passions. It's the kind of thing people romanticize as a career, albeit in more adventurous settings. Multiple managers remarked at the quality of my test piece on my first day. A certain project only went ahead weeks after I joined because of my presence, despite a few others with a similar skill set being at the company. I showed promise at what I did and had specific hopes in mind. That's not a matter of self-declaration considering the events, attitudes, and comments at the time. I was told there was a future for me there in my chosen function. In fact, the promised outlook of my career in that role led me to pick Uscreen over two other good offers. And they were offering the lowest pay. But like I say, I was high on living the dream. The first few months went swimmingly. There was adversity but I handled it well. One contributor to the team who had it easy as a freelancer was fired for not keeping pace. I worked with different individuals and each had nothing but the nicest things to say. About a month in, we heard a CMO was coming. The Director of the department sounded bothered as she announced the "decision that executives had made" but I wasn't surprised as she'd been doing an amateur job. I didn't care. I thought if I would keep performing my craft pleasantly and to the best of my ability to anyone who asked, that was enough to deflect unwanted attention. I was naive. Weeks pass. The guy comes in and, in his first department meeting, says he's setting up 30-minute calls with everyone. My turn came towards the end of his meet-the-team tour. He asked about my background, what I think the team should be doing, how I learn about customers, etc. He rarely made eye contact because he was typing the whole time. I thought it was to show how busy he is until he sent his notes to me in Slack, then asked me which three activities I'd like to do from the list. I couldn't figure out why he'd taken so many notes. I'm a somewhat smart guy but not very. Later, my manager, acting a bit awkward and sheepish, asked me what I said during the call. I told him in detail and apologized if I'd made a fool of myself. I still found this to be a very odd indication that I was being discussed. But, as always, my fate was decided in secrecy. Days after, my manager asks to get in a huddle. A lady in the marketing team had been let go. From asking about her workload yesterday, she was now offline permanently. She got the remote version of being thrown out of a high-rise window. I was surprised they'd rush her out so unceremoniously for someone who'd done nothing wrong. But I didn't think much of it since, I'm ashamed to say, her title made little sense to me. On what I believe was a Monday, my manager asks if we can meet. That wasn't typical since our work and regular interactions didn't require impromptu meetings. My manager tells me a colleague who was senior to me and had been at the company 9 months is being let go. That's not a good tenure to be on the market with. I was stunned momentarily. Two days later, my manager asks to get in an on-the-spot call again. I go in with my heart pounding. It feels like psychological torture. He tells me I left a "really, really big impression" on the new CMO. The mind games begin. There was a new division opening up in the company. The mention of that fills me with dread because I can't imagine doing anything other than my current role. I'd had to suffer for over a year just to break in, and the work was sentimental to me. He then says, "If you try it out and figure out you don't like it, you can always come back to my team." That softened me somewhat. He tells me he needs my answer by Friday. They knew they had me in a corner. Leaving after a few months would blot my profile. Friday comes around, but CMO guy has booked the call for Monday. I tell my manager that I'll come back with an answer after hearing what the guy has to say. In reality, I know making a decision without speaking to him will come across as a snub, and that'll be my career up in smoke. I agonized over the decision all weekend. In that call, the CMO demeaned my team's work as "writing a bunch of things." It made me sick to my stomach but I said yes. My comfort was my manager's words, "If you find out you don't like it, you can always come back." My plan was to do the role for a few months, activate the verbal clause that entitled me to a return, and get back to scheduled programming in my career. I figured I'd learn some useful things and gain a wider perspective while doing my best, so it would hopefully turn out to everyone's benefit. After some weeks, I transition into the role to no manager. The Director lady who's supposed to lead me has better things to do. She even acknowledges the complete lack of direction I was having to live with. There is literally no one to lead me and I'm an afterthought. There's one girl who's my direct peer and has been at the company for something like 2 years at that point. I can't listen to her in good conscience because we're both in the dark. I'm trying not to pick up bad habits that I'll have to unlearn. A lot of the stuff she was working on got scrapped anyway after a manager came in, which I suspected would happen except for extreme luck. Without a career I enjoyed anymore, it struck me that I was halfway across the world. I was missing celebrations, key life events, opportunities to be a shoulder -- for what? I was as good as forgotten. It was clear no one was actually serious about the return to the previous team on my terms. From aspiring to a certain level and enjoying the journey, I found myself lost and directionless. The realization that I've been violated started setting in. I'd fallen victim to pressure tactics, which seeing your colleagues get fired before an "offer" like that certainly counts as. I'd been led to believe I had more control than I did. I remember this being the first time I felt numb. I held out hope that this ordeal would end, but I didn't want to feel anything until then. I couldn't. Around this time, a girl is let go from my former team. She just isn't cutting it, it's said. Remember this girl. She's an omen of my ruin. I'm also told the team had to close an applicatin for my former position because they couldn't find anyone. If they need someone that badly, why not bring me back since I've voiced my displeasure? Gradually, I fell deeper and deeper into a zombie state. I don't think I noticed for much of it. Maybe I just thought I was tired. It's only when thinking or talking at length felt like lifting heavy weights that I realized something was wrong. Friends and neighbors, some who don't know each other, started sharing that they hadn't seen me smile or laugh in months. Remarkably, I kept doing my work. I met deadlines, interacted with customers for research, and everything else. My manager (the one who was hired after forever) never raised serious concerns about my performance. And I still believed in serving Uscreen wholeheartedly at this point, even as I was falling apart. I believed the company had at least the slightest concern for my interests. If I didn't keep believing, how could I look myself in the mirror after getting stripped so easily of something meaningful and idealistic for me? Two months passed. A new year arrived. I took some time off to enjoy it and get some wind in my sails. I was away for three days and came back on the Thursday, which was the day I had 1:1s with my manager. We settle into the meeting and then she drops it on me. The leadership team had decided I should move to a new role. But this new role had no title, clearly defined expectations, or career path. My disassociation (break from reality) was so strong at this point that I didn't feel anything. Rationally, I knew this was potentially disastrous for my career but what's one hell to another? As a victim of abuse as a child, all the pent up emotions came flooding in. I knew a boundary had been violated but didn't know if I should feel anything. My adult brain knew it was a big deal. These people were playing with my career path and future employability without so much as alerting me. Working for Uscreen isn't like working for Toyota in Japan. You can't entrust them with your working life to do as they please. It's the same as any other SaaS. People who had worked there even 5 years got cut like tumors. The manipulation is: We are going to take away your sense of stability and make you watch as we chuck people out. But we're going to treat you like you have nothing to fear and act as if we share implied trust. I was in an emotional turmoil of thinking I was crazy for feeling like my career had been uprooted. Meanwhile, second-pick candidates for roles I'd passed up were advancing up my envisioned path. Part 2 about how I ended up in a psychiatric ward and was fired is coming soon.
Lol what
I just read the last line. If you are going to post about Part 2, try asking chat-gpt to summarize and paste it here
Hope your time in the psych ward realigned your brain that you need to get a hobby. You are just a little worker bee and can be moved or terminated at any time.
Guys, be nice!! This is in the health and wellness section. let's give OP some slack.