Recently after a lot of exchange of long texts since March, my bf dumped me. I wanted to get rid of difficult thoughts and would go early to office to work without sleep. I gained so many extra hours. Also, I had been saving extra hours so that I can plan my work and use the time off to spend with him. Now they’re all lost. The relationship is over. Another weekend when no one’s ready to be my friend and spend time with me. Tomorrow’s my parents wedding anniversary. My parents weren’t the best couple but they pushed their marriage only so that I could have someone in my life. They have nothing to talk and stay in separate rooms. I sometimes force them for a movie and to talk over a cup of coffee. At 31, I’ve failed. I’m not rich I’m not happy and I don’t know what to do because I’m not feeling up to doing anything. It’s Friday evening and I came back early from work. I’m sitting here not able to watch a single ott show, movie or series without crying (including comedy) because there’s romantic content. My colleagues are all stuck to their partners on the phone. Some are getting married some are expecting children and I’m sulking because they didn’t ask me to join their gatherings. I was depressed and called my guy on Wednesday and did not go to office. Another day where I felt defeated and cried in bed for the entire time. There’s a new management and the 2 bosses are Brits. They pass nasty comments. I can’t bear the pressure. Going on a walk sucks because everyone around me are holding hands and kissing each other and I am breaking down. Dating apps too are not helping me. I did yoga and the hiking groups I was browsing are full. Gosh travel is so freaking expensive. I joined a few hobby groups in the city too but people aren’t really keen to blend. Another appointment with the therapist tomorrow will cost me a bomb with now use. I hate my life. Someone lost their child today and I was devastated by the news. Couldn’t help but think about me being dead instead of that child. Specially when the parents have lost their baby it is so hard for them to live. That child would have so many dreams and she could have been loved and lived better. My life anyway is a waste. I felt so helpless not being able to do anything. Sorry about my rants. I’m really fed up and could do with some motivation here and find someone to talk to. There’s no interaction in my life with anyone whatsoever. I want to get out of India. I don’t want to live with there people here anymore because I feel like an outcast. I’m so lonely and don’t have good friends too. It’s suffocating.
This is so freaking sad to hear. People are social animal and having a social circle is indeed very helpful. Death isn't the solution. Please don't think about such extreme steps. I wouldn't wish this even for my worst enemy. You can DM me to talk about anything :)
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