Tell me a joke

Look into the mirror.

Why Finland doesn’t have KIA? Coz they make NoKia

Search for standup.trex on Instagram. You’re welcome.

Dad Joke: Did you hear about a guy who got hit on his head with a soda can? Well, he is lucky that it was just a soft drink!

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people. At the trial the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death. Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens. There's never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free. Within a week's time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn't care that he can't drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train. His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again. The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it. His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he'd like for his last meal. "A single banana," he says. "Oh, no you don't, you son of a female dog. We're on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you're not escaping this time!" The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler. The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens. "Did you give him the banana?" demands the head guard. "No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn't give it to him, we swear!" says one of the guards. Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

I’m pickle riiiiiiick! WIBBALUBBADUBDUB

A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: “Thanks that means a great deal.”

Knock knock

GF to BF, “On our engagement day, will you give me a ring?” BF: “sure, on cell phone or home phone?”

When asked to pick a password 8 characters or less: Snow White and the seven dwarfs.