Overworked and burnt out
software eng 2 ~3 YOE I haven’t posted before so apologies if this is a brain dump. I’m currently on track for a Senior SWE promotion and leading and developing a cross country effort for my team. Oddly, I’m the only developer due to really bad resourcing issues but thankfully have amazing senior engineers who step in for code reviews or architectural decisions. I spend most of the regular workdays stuck in meetings or debugging sessions, hearing feedback, giving updates to several parties, and weekends are only for coding. After working nearly 14+ hours a day for 6-7 days a week and only 5 days out due to me having a sudden health issue, I hit a breaking point last night/this morning. It’s been like this since March, and I feel like I’m drowning. It’s gone to the point where I broke down into tears, had panic attacks after hearing someone call my work “useless”, and fainted after not being able to sleep due to stress. Though this weekend is supposed to be a long weekend, and against my coworkers pleading me not to, I have to work over the long weekend, cancelled my preplanned time with family all for this project because the deadline is so strict that some have expressed to me that my work is necessary or the investment in the work that many have contributed to will go “into the trash can.” My team has no manager, so we’re reporting to another person in management at the time. I desperately need to tell someone that I’m mentally and physically in the worst shape of my life. I take full ownership for allowing the project to bleed into the personal realm. Since this situation is uncomfortable and, honestly, horrifying to me, I feel that my only option is to seek therapy and tell my temp manager that I am about to collapse under pressure. On the other hand, I want to be a team player and do my work well so that everyone’s efforts don’t go to waste. I have a lot of conflict about going on mental health leave, especially because I don’t want to be a burden, but I can’t continue to neglect my health any longer. I’m unsure if this comes across as a tired SWE, but I really am seeking some advice as to how I can bring this topic up. Mental health isn’t a topic frequently talked about at work, as far as I’m aware, so any advice or insight is so appreciated. #wellness #health #burnout
Don’t worry about the deadline they come and go. Take few days off. Dont login to your office machine. Everything will be fine. Speaking from experience
Super solid advice. Thank you!
Can relate
Wishing you the best and sending you positive vibes
Take sick leave tell them you are unwell and see how deadlines will shift
Worst case a truck load of bugs, but good idea - worth it to sleep at a normal hour
My mantra is until someone is absolutely dying, dont work over the weekend. Simple checkins are fine but no work. You have to keep the weekends for yourself otherwise there is no point of working so hard. And pls never feel guilty of working less than your peers, you are giving your 100% and that should be it. Keep sane, keep healthy.
Love the mantra btw, will likely adopt this mindset. Thank you for the advice and encouragement!
+1 Thankfully in our line of work, no one really dies if shit waits till Monday to be taken care. But very often, we pretend and then react like indeed someone will die if we don't get that PR in by sat 1am. It's either vanity, stupidity or both - imbibed by the slave Lords of software and capitalism. No wonder we are walking carbon sticks charred to the core from burnout after years of time in this industry, if we don't make some conscious choices.
Can relate but my case was working for a very early startup.. where I was a sole developer and expectations were unrealistic.. I challenged myself to achieve those expectations but just found it later that it's just costing me mental health and left the company.. now thinking about it with my improved mental health I can say it was one of the best decision of my life.. no project/team/company is worth of that level of mental stress..
Thank you for sharing your experience, and jeez that sounds rough. So happy to hear you’re in a better mental space and hope that only keeps improving
Typically, 14-15 hours of work daily for the past few weeks really shouldn’t be causing this much of a reaction. Are you ok mental health wise? How were you before you started working those hours? Given you’re in tech, so you have some latitude, I would have an honest conversation with the person you report to, and explain that deadlines may need to be adjusted given the amount of work on your plate. I would explain this is causing health issues (mental + physical), and he/she should readjust. If not, play the sick leave card to force their hand!
Initially, I didn’t see anything wrong with the hours either. I have things going on personally, like every other person. In this post, I didn’t detail everything that goes on, but I figure somewhere in the past 4 months, the stress became overwhelming. Just a pure shot in the dark. Very interesting questions and I think that’ll maybe help me find a root cause to avoid burnout in the future. Thanks for the insight and follow up questions! Appreciate the perspective you’re coming from
My philosophy is - work so that you have a comfortable life. If you’re unable to do the latter, there’s no pointing in slogging so hard. Remember one thing if - work messes up, there’s always someone else to pick up the slack. But if your life/health messes up you will be the only one dealing with the consequences not your company.
Somebody else messed up here. They agreed to a very unreasonable deadline on an underresourced project. Unless you yourself scoped this project and said "oh yeah, I can deliver this end to end by then, no problem" it isnt your fault. Should you work hard to do your honest best to deliver, within reason? Yes, but this is not within reason. Nobody can sustain 14 hour days 6 days a week for more than 1-2 weeks. And after that, they need a long break. I have been writing software professionally and managing teams for twenty years now, so I know when it is OK to go to "crunch" mode and when the deadlines need to moveb or features get cut. From your description, this is one of the latter. Or they need to find more resources. Those are the options. You need to take care of yourself, get some time off to clear your hard, carve out more midweek time for family time, exercise, meditation and therapy, and then get back to work at a more sustainable pace.
Thank you for this insight you gained through your experiences, and also the options I can bring to upper management. I appreciate the advice!
Always ask "Whats in it for ME?". ALWAYS. Don't believe any other bullshit that anyone else tells you in this capitalistic culture. Looks like all that's there for you is heartache and bodyache. Don't sacrifice the long term for the short term.
14+ hours a day for 6 days a week will drive anyone insane. Please don't put yourself through this.
Thank you. It means a lot to have the burnout get validated
Sometimes you need someone to just verbalize it for you. Please speak to a few close friends and talk about what you're going through. It'll help think. Take care brother.