Is this split of responsibilities fair ?
We are a married couple with 2 kids. Showing up equally on the home front has been a point of contention for us but the discussions go nowhere and just made the environment at home unpleasant. I’ve now stopped fighting for equitable share of responsibility but have a lot of resentment towards my husband. He says I’m being unreasonable. But here’s how it goes Wife - all things kid-related ( homework, any school-related activities, play dates/birthday parties, summer camp planning, additional classes, school outfits) , laundry and folding clothes for everyone, home cleaning, manage 2 rental properties ( managing tenants, repairs and maintenance, accounting and taxes), kid drop-offs Husband - responsible for meals( we have a cook prep dinners in bulk), groceries, kids pick ups, any repairs around primary home, any car-related issues, takes out trash, will drive kids to classes if I ask him to Separate from just the split of responsibilities is the fact that he doesn’t show any accountability for the family’s future. And Ive had to retrain myself to think like a married single mom so that I don’t rely on him for anything. I barely have any free time left, whereas he has enough time to watch TV and play video games. Both of us work in tech. We earn about the same. Sharing this, since I know there’ll be a crowd that’ll bring in salary into this situation. HH TC: 550K
No
Husband needs to do more
Pay the blind tax first.
TC and HH TC or GTFO. Get a Roomba for cleaning. Teach kids to clean after themselves. Stop folding laundry. Get a firm to take care of rental and share the cost with husband. Get your husband off any 'Online' games. Offline games only Life is too short to spend doing mundane tasks. Spend a bit of money and save time. I am sure you guys are making enough.
We have a Roomba and cleaners come once a week. With little kids, the home still needs someone to tidy up common areas, kids bedroom etc.
You two are the reason I don't envy anyone. You both waste the time you have instead of hiring an au pair with an early childhood education background to care for the kids while you free up your time. At that TC it's absurd.
All husbands are the same. Don't expect any kind words from men here. They do a bit and feel they are carrying the whole world on their shoulders. My advice to unmarried women is don't have kids if you are not prepared to do mostly 100% of their work. Husband may promise stuff in the beginning but will just do few things on the surface. On top of that they will start arguing if you want to hire help.
Yep. Agreed. It’s not just the split of responsibilities only but rather the accountability is completely missing. If I don’t pay attention to the kids education, he would be totally unbothered if they are falling behind on their milestones.
It's fair to split responsibilities. You can try logging your house/kids work hours for a week, then comparing the totals. If he does less work, try to offload stuff to him, or hire help: - he or a property mgr can deal with properties. Look into home warranties - ours paid for itself for the next 3 years, after one use. - hire someone to clean the house, and do laundry. Also, what is car related stuff? Changing tires once every 5 years, and oil once every half year?😂 That's pretty easy to do...
Yep, I included the car maintenance items since he uses them to justify that he’s doing his share. I’ve heard ppl have bad experiences with property mgrs, they tend to neglect unless you’re keeping an eye on them. And, guess who’ll have to do that here.
You should hire property managers- they won’t do it as good as you but not bad either
You are both making 400k TC, but: - can't pay for laundry service? - can't pay property manager? - can't pay a maid? - or a house manager who does most of these tasks? "I have to think like a single mom..." OP you are together pulling in 800k before taxes. You can get PAID ASSISTANTS. A single mom does all this work because she's POOR and doesn't have a husband who can also pay assistants. The fact that you are doing jobs that basically would cost you nothing to hire someone is a common blind problem. If your time is worth $150/hr you don't clean the toilet or fold shirts! Wake up
Where can I hire a house manager ? Also, any folks have had good experiences with house managers. That’s exactly the role I need.
Hire a mother's helper at that HH TC.
You are the wife and are there to serve.
What a terrible person you are!!
Just facts, youll be happier that way.
What's your HH income?