Anyone ever get a bad perf review for a high level peer complaining about an insufficient amount of communication? I have an anxiety disorder and this makes it difficult for me to communicate during meetings. I am an okay communicator in writing. I take meds but not enough to make me fully functional at in-person communication. This is the first time in my career that it's come up and previous performance reviews (with a different team) have been good. Anyone have tips for dealing with the situation? Unfortunately I'll likely be put on a pip, and this doesn't help with the anxiety issues.
Did a Dr diagnose you? If so they can't do that to you, you could sue for discrimination.
Yes, I am diagnosed :/ not sure what to do. I have a meeting with HR soon, where I'll likely bring this up again
Go on intermittent fmla. You’re at work but now protected from getting fired because you can pull the medical card anytime. Welcome to the protected class
I think the engineering culture here is very confrontational and can give even the most normal folks an anxiety issue. I had severe anxiety issues and worked on it in my free time by joining toastmasters, comedy, debates etc. Try doing those for long term improvement. Also, find an ally who can use for training before presentations. Make sure they don’t hold back and prep you well for all the curveballs. Lastly, figure out the ‘problem’ folks who are consistently aggressive and try to bring this up in 1:1 and get them on your side to help you. Good luck!
Parent of a kiddo with anxiety disorder + people manager here...Have you disclosed your disability to your manager (it should qualify as one under ADA) and have you received any accommodations? I wouldn’t view the disability card as a get out of jail free card with respect to participating in meetings, but it would be reasonable for your manager to identify ways for you to contribute to meetings in a way that minimizes (to the extent possible) the impact they have on your anxiety.
None of the managers business. This is a discussion with HR only. Manager can retaliate or just use unconscious bias to screw with him.
Um yeah it is. If OP has requested an accommodation, the manager HAS to know what the accommodation is in order to ensure the accommodation is providedZ
I completely understand you OP. I am in your shoes and worse (don't ask me how). Here are my suggestions: 1. Join a toastmasters club, preferably a corporate club if you can find one that suits your timings. I highly recommend it. It's life changing if you follow it properly. 2. Try to be good at other things. Make sure if your managers and peers have to list negative things about you, your anxiety or communication is the only one they can list. Make other aspects like your tech skills, friendliness, innovation, etc your strengths. 3. Make sure to bring this up before any of your managers do. This will get the ball in your court. When things are said with confidence, people usually believe them. So make sure you bring it up with confidence. 4. I conduct confidence building workshops several times in an year for people with special needs. I don't mean to say you necessarily fall into that category, but you are free to attend. Many people do just to improve and help others. 5. I am willing to do Skype calls with you once a week, or in person of we happen to be in the same city, where you can practice speaking with me regularly. I hope this helps you. 6. Make sure your communication doesn't define you. I know that your strengths are far more than your weaknesses. You only need to start believing it. Good luck!
Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions, I sincerely appreciate it. I will PM you
I got that feedback every quarter/half in the last 10 years. Now sure about my root cause, I just feel very uncomfortable around (any) people and just want it to end. I've been like this for long and learned to build my confidence, but I still don't like being around people nor talking to them, so that did not solve the problem. At some point I made peace with it. my "communication" is my glass ceiling, it turns great work into an ok performance and an ok performance to pip. I made peace by lowering my expectations and did that by changing my frame of reference. Instead of comparing myself to engineers who don't have social problems, I compare myself to people with social problems and no engineering skills. Boy do I feel sorry for them. Imagine if you had a customer facing job and measured on how you make people feel. God help.
have you spoken with your medical providers about additional treatments like cbt on top of your meds?
Doing it :) cbt has helped a lot with the most severe of the symptoms
I’m sorry to hear! Do you know if your peer reviewer was talking about your overall communication or just verbal? Here’s a couple of tips: 1) Identify people who trust you and stand behind your work to amplify your voice in meetings. You don’t have to hide behind them but having them in your corner will give you some confidence! 2) Preparation is key. If you are about to go to a meeting (1:1 or big group) write a script or at least point form notes of what you want to say. 3) Find someone you trust that you can rehearse with. 4) Overcommunicate on the mediums that you feel comfortable in! Slack, emails, docs—if you can communicate effectively in writing, leverage it! The other good thing is... it’s documented so there will be a good track record of clear effective communication. 5) I personally feel comfortable talking to my manager about my lack of verbal confidence and he has helped me come up with strategies to be better. 6) I DESPISE public speaking, but forcing myself to do it in the form of lightning talks or demos or speaking up at meetings has helped me a lot. 7) You’re not alone. Do you have anyone at work that you can open up to and feel safe discussing this with? Doesn’t have to be a manager or HR.
Anxiety wants you to be in a shell. Don't curl up like a ball when you feel anxious. Practice mindfulness. Tough but the fight is worth it. Exercise regularly. Practice small-talk in break rooms. Work your way up to talking in meetings.
I don’t have any advice for you, just want to let you know that you are not alone with this problem. And yes, hiding this is difficult. Feel like I can have the same feedback one day, it’s just matter of time for me also.
Thanks, good to hear.
I am with you @Schurdcgr and OP.