Dating scientist

Feb 5, 2018 21 Comments

Dude here is an Introvert and not-a-party animal.

I do attend meet ups and have been asked by women to offer advice, referrals. Is it ok to ask them out? Has anyone been in a similar position before? Can’t judge if they really enjoy my company, but even though I am not really date-material, they like to chat with me about non-professional stuff. Is this a signal I should pick up?

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TOP 21 Comments
  • LinkedIn IMxa25
    "they like to chat with me about non professional stuff" does not by any means equate to "ask me out". however it is possible that they want to be friends? maybe even OUTSIDE of work, but tread carefully here and don't be creepy
    Feb 5, 2018 1
  • IBM siv
    Tell them you think they are pretty and see how they respond.
    Feb 5, 2018 3
    • IBM ChWh23
      No. That is creepy.
      Feb 5, 2018
    • OP
      Ok, how should I express my feelings then? I’d rather move on than harboring all this baggage
      Feb 5, 2018
    • IBM ChWh23
      If you’re meeting people at professional events, keep it professional. If you’re dating or in a social setting then it’s ok to open the flirting up a bit more.
      Feb 5, 2018
  • Amazon Laresi
    No, not ok to ask out people that ask you for professional advice or referrals. Weird and creepy.
    Feb 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Product @zzzzz
    Best way is for both to get drunk and see where it leads. Many a relation has started that way.
    Feb 5, 2018 2
    • MuleSoft nomofomojo
      My god you're asking for rape charges in today's climate
      Feb 5, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng tmca
      @MeToo lol
      Feb 5, 2018
  • MuleSoft nomofomojo
    Most people responding are taking the world as black and white. Ridiculously over simplified.

    What you should be doing is working to build meaningful relationships with people.

    The information you've given is not enough to base any good advice on...

    Get to know people better. If you absolutely have no desire to invest in a relationship with a person, then you have no reason to date them. On the other hand, just because you've taken interest in a person doesn't mean they should feel any pressure to think or act the same way.

    In the end, you need to know people and their desires before you can initiate any form of commitment. It's a balance that can only be learned by socializing and empathizing with people.

    Next time you ask such an oversimplified question, remember how oversimplified / ignorant these answers have been. I guarantee you'll find them analogous.
    Feb 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft Lolollolo
    woman talks to you and seems friendly != she want to date you.

    many men don’t get this. It is unfortunately an evolutionary trait. It goes against their animal instinct so has to be learned. Most men learned this when young. Not being creepy is now natural to them. Unfortunately some men haven’t learned this.
    Feb 5, 2018 0
  • Facebook Aqweduct
    Remember, all of this is creepy only if you’re ugly. If you look like brad pitt, you can’t be creepy, go for it
    Feb 6, 2018 0
  • Apple Apari
    Are they asking for advice on work referrals for a job? If so, don’t ask them out. If they’re laughing, wanting to hang around more, etc., ask them to coffee or what they do on weekends. Ask them about their roommates or how they ended up in the Bay, etc. if you’re meeting them at meet ups for fun, they probably are there to meet new people for friends...
    Feb 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft gEFg84
    If you’re not sure, start with something small and work your way up. Coffee can be less intimidating than a full on date, especially if you’re first getting to know someone. If that goes well and you’re picking up vibes of interest then see if they feel the same.
    Feb 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft HqoA11
    Don’t jump into asking them on a date. I have seen many instances that women try to be very nice to you and even laugh and feel close, but they are only doing this to ask you a favor. They could have zero interest in you. If you are genuinely a nice person and won’t mind helping them out even if they are not attracted to you, then just help them out. Otherwise, try to bring up non professional topics like hey any plans for weekend? Or there is this event Friday night, etc and see how they react, and move on if they are not interested. I have learned this the hard way.
    Feb 6, 2018 2
    • Qualtrics Ooooop
      This. Treat them like a guy for while. Ask them out. If they say no, ask yourself if you would remain friends with this person were she a guy.
      Make friends and dates
      Feb 6, 2018
    • MuleSoft nomofomojo
      +1 here
      You have to gauge a person's intent before initiating any form of relationship.

      If you've followed this advice and a woman still turns you down then you at least had reason to believe they may be interested in more than a professional relationship. If you've broken out of professional context before asking for a date then you can feel confident that you were not taking advantage of your position to persuade a social interaction.

      This is still sensitive as the people you are meeting don't have every social interaction perfected either. At this stage though, you can be more confident that they will be comfortable with rejecting you.

      Make it professionally inconsequential to get to know you. Give your acquaintances a choice. You need to permit honesty without career pressure. There will be exceptions but if you've become acquainted as people, there's a high likelihood they will treat you as a person and not a title
      Feb 6, 2018
  • Apple / Eng
    aureum

    Apple Eng

    BIO
    kill me. just take the knife and plunge it in. thanks
    aureummore
    embrace your inner peacock; expand your feathers and scream “please date me” until someone bites
    Feb 6, 2018 2
    • OP
      Balls to you
      Feb 6, 2018
    • Apple / Eng
      aureum

      Apple Eng

      BIO
      kill me. just take the knife and plunge it in. thanks
      aureummore
      i don’t have any but thank you for your consideration
      Feb 6, 2018