***Disclaimer. This post is meant with full respect. I've debated this topic with friends and am curious to hear from the Blind community.*** This post is ideally for my Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, etc. brothers and sisters. Do you support arranged marriages? I'm an American guy and to me, it seems like an absolute horror. I can't imagine the suffering that you'd go through having to live and have sex with someone who was picked for you. Sure i've heard of a couple of success stories, but one of my best friends in high school is Punjabi and his biological parents were in an arranged marriage and his dad was severely abusive to his mom. His mom suffered for decades because divorce was culturally frowned upon and she was stuck with this guy that was picked for her without her consent. Lastly - please don't respond with "it's a cultural difference". I'm aware of that. What i'm curious about is if you support arranged marriages within your hearts, regardless of the cultural norms. Maybe there are positive aspects of arranged marriages that I'm completely missing...
Wow. I can’t imagine how that poor woman’s life must have been. These days divorces are super common amongst urban Indians at least. In fact I think more of my friends are divorced than married.
It is transactional in nature where bride’s parents look for dollars 💵 and prospective groom looks for samosas 😎
Freedom to choose is a concept that works out for some and not others. It’s like Capitalism vs Communism - in Capitalism, you can be a millionaire or end up a homeless person, in communism, everyone is relatively equal, but your choices are made for you. Are you good at making choices for yourself? Then Capitalism / freedom to marry who you want is better for you. If you suck at dating, then arranged marriage is probably better for you .
One of my friends said his mommy and daddy had made all the right choices for him (IIT, MSEE, MBA etc) and so he trusted them to find his wife also.
@Dr. Jones - i never thought about it that way, thanks for responding. I guess my initial curiosity was more around teenagers/young people who are capable of making good decisions for themselves, however their controlling parents forced a partner on them without their consent. So basically a capitalist kid being forced into a communist marriage decision.
It is not arranged marriage anymore, the parents just introduce the kids to each other and hope they click. When I went that route, I met over 60 girls in a 2 year period. Married only 1.
Precisely It’s like speed dating these days
interesting, thanks for sharing. however your example seems like it's just the boy that has options. For example, you met over 60 girls, but do the girls have equal say in the match? Do they have to also consent to the marriage? Or is it whichever girl the boy picks he gets to marry, regardless of her consent?
I think the topic needs to be understood as a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Here is how I see it. 25-30yrs ago arranged marriages were when parents decided the match, the boy & girl were at times not even consulted and maybe met once while the match was fixed with little decision power 15-20yrs ago, parents started to give the boy and girl chance to meet and consulted them before making the match, still the decision was largely made by parents but the boy and girl were given a chance Recently, parents arrange/help with finding a match and arrange a date (just like any match making service), boy and girl go on multiple dates after which they tell the decision to parents, who verify and help execute. Things have changed for good. Arranged marriages can be good when one is finding difficult to get matches
@Apple - thanks for sharing this. I wasn't aware that things have transformed into more of a match making service. I thought it was still like things were 25-30 years ago where parents forced a partner on their child. I appreciate the clarification.
Parents 20 years ago - please marry someone in our caste. 10 years ago - please marry someone in our religion. Today - please marry someone of the opposite gender.
LOL
Tomorrow - please don’t marry. Be happy!
There are roughly 150 million females in US and you saying you have to go back to your home country to bring a wife ?
In India marriage happens between the families and not just the individuals.
As if females here don’t have family ?
Question is out of the 150 million females does anyone want to marry a darker skinned male? Most of the times it’s a no. Indians don’t stand a chance in the dating scene in the US and there are disproportionate number of single Indian male to female ratio
What a bunch of baloney. Get out of Bay Area, indian men have no problem dating and marrying non-Indians.
Why is that so?
I do not support arranged marriages. It is impossible to know whether the person is financially responsible, puts his family(of wife and kids) as #1, has and acts towards career goals, and is open to resolving conflicts in a rational manner. There are many couples who are very happy with their arranged marriages. There will be more in future. It does not matter. I do not support it.
That’s true in “normal” marriages also. How do you know she’s going to be financially responsible? Unless you run a credit report and background check on your potential spouse.
Odds of knowing whether these traits exist are high if both are in relationship with each other for a while and probably live together.
Dumb poll, everybody here makes enough money to support themselves and doesn’t need to suck on the teet on there parents. So anybody deciding to do it is doing so because they want to or are a push over.