Married a while. My spouse just generally sucks at frugality, long term financial planning, and budgeting. I’ve tried everything but she somehow manages to overspend each month. As my TC goes up, so does her idea of “stuff we need”. How do you all deal with this?
- Facebook ProbeSit down and discuss the financials with her like a responsible adult instead of complaining about it on Blind.
- Does she earn a living? If so, agree that one of you gets to spend the money on day to day things and the other does the saving. Then she will have to use her income to pay for household stuff and anything else, you use yours for saving and maybe mortgage if she can’t cover it alone.
- New EfCB87Yeah, posting on Blind is a horrible option. Should post on Facebook and tag her family and friends : p I agree with Probe though. Have a talk with her and set a monthly budget. Start off with we need to save X amount a month so from now on when we reach Y the items/things that we’ve been living without our whole lives will have to wait until next month or till we save. And make sure that she knows that your not doing it to be cheap/mean, but for you guys to have a better future. economy crashes, kids, retirement etc
- Tell her only a part of TC that went up. Eg: if your comp increases by 20k, tell her 5k. Invest the rest somewhere else.
- Simple. Let her do all finances and planning (unless you are afraid she will bleed you dry and then dump you for somebody richer).
- I know this is a bit grim and I don’t want to be a downer, but: you may want to think now about how to protect your finances in the event of a divorce. If she’s bleeding you dry right now, she’s absolutely going to grab everything she can if you two split.
I want to emphasize that I’m not saying you should divorce her over this. It’s just something to think about. There’s a realistic chance that you’re going to lose a ton of money on her whether you stay or leave.
Hope it works out for you guys.
- Amazon / EngzsLQ30moreThis is serious stuff, so face it like it’s important.
Set a time and tell her you would like to discuss it. She may freak out but give her time to digest it. But the goal is to sit down and talk about it.
Edit: many people ignore pivotal occasions where things need to discuss and feelings to express. Then one day they wake up and ask where did it go wrong. All important things are hard to articulate and potentially contentious. So you need a strategy and we understand it. If you already talk “too much” then choose just one thing as an action and act on it, then see what happens.
- “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”
- Maybe it’s partially the messenger. Have you brought in an outside financial planner to help paint grim pictures? A mini financial intervention.
- Facebook QIXQ16Short term, separate bank accounts and/or credit cards with explicit limits. Maybe use one of those gift cards that you load up money into. Also, separate Amazon accounts, etc. She gets her own accounts for all these things and get none of the passwords not solely connected to her money account(s).
Long term you two need to get on the same page about money and long term goals or this may not work out well.
- Hazelcut NfTn03My wife is similar. People here who think having a conversation will simply solve this are clueless. I'm pretty sure my wife gets a dopamine rush with every purchase. it's an addiction. But we have shared accounts and I use Mint to track everything. Only thing you can really do is monitor the spending and repeatedly remind her how she's going over budget.
- I had a similar experience. And to be fair, as your TC goes up so should the amount of money you spend. You SHOULD be leading a better and more comfortable life.
But yes you also should be saving.
I solved it by doing three things:
1. Pay every bill on the 1st, so I know what we have left for the month.
2. Agree to an amount we want to Dave every month, whatever that is.
3. Transfer all of the remaining money to a second joint account which we can use for whatever the fuck we want. I spend a lot less so I let her know ahead of time off I need a chunk of that.
Now I control the critical spending, and she takes care of making sure our lives are comfortable. We both know our responsibilities and expectations and we're both much, much happier.
- Maybe you guys could have a detailed conversation about what you want your retirement to be like. Where do you want to live? How big of a house do you want to have? How often do you want to travel?
Then you could set a budget for what that type of retirement will cost, and see if she can see the value in preparing for that. You could also model out a retirement where you don’t have enough money. A small house in an undesirable location, rarely eating out, rarely having new clothes, etc. Then she can see how serious it will be if she doesn’t start saving now.
- Is she overspending on the normal stuff, like groceries? Buying large-ticket items on a frequent basis? Literal shopaholic? What kind of overspending are we talking about?
- Spotify ajdusLots of Americans think everything for the kids is a need vs want, maybe that’s where you differ the most? Otherwise have her use a debit card and don’t allow overdrafts (you need to agree on an amount first). You could even deposit money weekly. Immediately invest the agreed upon savings amount.Apr 161
- Amazon / EngRCMMTAny warning signs to look out for? I make 3x my GF income and I want to save/invest as much as I can.
- AnchorFree IsraelHad a difficult talk with my wife just few days ago (she's a travel addict and doesn't work, managed to keep us on 0 balance in the last 4 years, spending all income down to 0 every month or every few months if something accumulated in the bank), she got really mad and was saying nasty things like "this is not how a man behaves! don't talk to me about money, if you love me you would not start this talk at all, blah blah blah" but after the "fight" she agreed to start saving a % of monthly income aside, on a separate joint account, that will be used to buy a house (get a mortgage) in a few years. We'll see how this works out :D I'm waiting to see.
One idea I can share is either put all your personal "allowance" into crypto/stocks/separate accounts. Or if she does not allow (will argue with you and be mad) then try to persuade her for a big common goal like buying a house (or an investment house, rental property, if you already have one), this might help.
Another idea is to spend the most you can yourself, but instead of buying useless stuff or doing other wasteful purchases, buy valuable things like gold, diamonds, hardware, real estate, whatever you can save value in (get a loan for real estate or another big investment, and tell her you must pay the loan every month, she can't say no. And by paying the loan you invest basically into "something" that will have value. Still better than letting her waste it all)
- GitHub 2legit2gitBased on how you’re talking about her, it sounds like you’ve lost your respect for her. There’s a good chance she’s picking up on that and just doing shit to annoy you now. If you’re at the point of feeling like you need to complain about her to random strangers, you should probably just do everyone a favor and end the relationship.
- Note down all expenses at one place. Sum it up after 15 days and show it to her. She will understand after seeing the data. Trust in data.
- Facebook macomoreSome people have a really hard time just saving money. It's easier for them when they're saving for something in particular. See if you can get her on board with e.g. aggressively buying or paying off a house.
- New gJyp57I'm not married, but I guess you'll just have to accept it. That's a habit that probably isn't going to change. I've seen it in my friends, some of them got a job, earned good money, moved to a nice apartment, and kept spending as if there was no tomorrow. After 3 or 4 years they have almost zero money saved. Spenders will keep being spenders!
- Google mubjIt's really not clear if you have unrealistic expectations or there is a shopping addiction. Have you guys tried couple's counselling?
Does she use the stuff she buys? If not, a friend of mine returns all the stuff his wife buys and doesn't use. He does this every few months.
If she uses the stuff, then maybe your expectations need to be adjusted.
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