Finding a SWE girlfriend?

New / Other Anahajajaj
Jul 5, 2018 70 Comments

I recently broke up with my girlfriend because I feel that I want to spend my time with someone that has a lot of passion for code - like me.

My ex was a makeup artist (majority of my ex:es have been in fashion). They are great but we don’t have that much to talk about. Often I find myself eager to talk about code when I’m having a nice dinner out, or to watch coding tutorials instead of fucking Netflix.

There are 95% guys where I work and when I go to meet ups there are again 95% guys.

Where should I hangout?

TC 160k

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TOP 70 Comments
  • Microsoft UMbR31
    With your TC, you should hangout at leetcode.com
    Jul 5, 2018 2
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      Yeah, I recently started working on my TC focus. Prior to that I was just focusing on having fun at work and up until now I have loved it :)
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      * I still do, just a bit more focus on TC :D If I ever land a date with a SWE I better shut up about my TC...

      She might say GTFO :(
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Cisco Hi🤓
    Might need to start dating guys
    Jul 5, 2018 5
    • Groupon 123.47
      This guy knows
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      Hahaha ;) How are you man? Free?
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Cisco Hi🤓
      I’m not gay, just giving the guy some statistical insights
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      🙃
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Groupon 123.47
      This guy knows (x2)
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Google / Eng
      DoogieMD

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Samsung America
      DoogieMDmore
      I think graphic designers are the best
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Google / Eng
      DoogieMD

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Samsung America
      DoogieMDmore
      User experience researchers are the bestest
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Amazon Maurodon
      Strongly disagree
      Jul 6, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      @PyLadies what do you mean “how do you define femininity?”.

      It is already quite well defined in the English language. Look up the definition in a few different dictionaries and compare and I’m sure you will get an idea.
      Jul 6, 2018
    • PyLadies YxPB67
      According to wikipedia "traits associated with femininity vary depending on location and context, and are influenced by a variety of social and cultural factors." I was trying to understand the assertion made by DoogieMD that "Coding makes women lose their femininity".
      Jul 6, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng RandMcNall
    You don't want a girl who codes. You want one who does good code. Because if she writes terrible code it would be worse than not coding at all.
    Now, that intersection would fall into the probability section generally referred to as unicorns
    Jul 5, 2018 1
  • Expedia Ckanzlc
    Your comment about passion in digital experiences is illuminating. Don't aim for a SWE so much as a lady with a graphics designing/artistic/UX background. The blend of design + implementation skills could be great
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      That’s true! I guess I just want to have someone that understands what I do and can share my joy of building things.

      I’ll take this advice! Thanks!
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Airbnb jim.hodlen
    you’re looking for a rare breed. I’ve dated swe girls in the past and to my ex gf coding was just a job
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • Airbnb jim.hodlen
      I *think* so, certainly feels like a greater proportion than places I worked at
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Cloudera / Eng rawkitty
    So dumb OP.
    Jul 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft HaroldShum
    I think OP is saying he wants an intelligent/high-earning SO. You said your ex was a makeup artists which implies she didn’t have a college degree. They don’t have to be an SWE, they just need to be intelligent enough to appreciate your humor and interests. If your SO doesn’t get your jokes, read the news, or have a career that can advance, she might not be for you.
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • Microsoft / Eng Tier 1
      This. Find a girl in the medical or legal fields.
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Intel / Eng AntHuh
    I feel sorry for your kids
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      Yeah :(. They will never see the light of this world. I’ll keep looking though!
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng
    MP3

    Microsoft Eng

    BIO
    Troll living under the I-5 overpass
    MP3more
    I don’t think you’ve ever met a genuinely feminine girl who enjoys being herself otherwise you wouldn’t prioritize ability to code.

    Ideally, you’d want to balance your logic, thinking, planning, with femininity, being more connected with life, nature, life, etc. There is no point to write about it, it is something to experience. It is a beautiful thing.

    Keep in mind I’m not saying you should hang out with chicks who have no life and dedicate their free time to alcohol and Netflix - that’s plain degradation.

    All the best.
    Jul 5, 2018 0
  • Cisco Kittenzz
    Meet ups and dating apps (that’s how us introverts meet nowadays lol)
    Jul 5, 2018 5
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      I’m a super extrovert, unfortunately I have a hard time finding SWE girls in the circle of groups I have. They are all in fashion or doctors.
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Microsoft HaroldShum
      What’s wrong with dating a doctor?
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      Nothing really. I’m just hoping to try a relationship with someone that I can discuss and work on projects with.

      I work on a lot of private projects outside of work.
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Eng
      FGAN

      New Eng

      PRE
      Google, Facebook
      FGANmore
      Where are you finding all of these fashion and doctor girls
      Jul 5, 2018
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      My close friends are all doctors, so through them I meet doctors.

      Fashion/Makeup artists etc I mostly meet at Outputs roof or Brooklyn Mirage.

      I just talk with a lot of random people when I’m out and the easiest approach is to find a fashionable detail and go for it...
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Datadog New Relic
    Are you me? Writing it in gym after partying yesterday
    Jul 5, 2018 2
    • PyLadies YxPB67
      Why is your user name "New Relic" if you work at Datadog?
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Datadog New Relic
      To confuse peeps
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Autodesk Autobot
    You need to pump that TC up
    Jul 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft RM&3+3--$+
    Never date anyone with the exact same interests and passions as you. Find someone who is into different things
    Jul 5, 2018 0
  • Bloomberg
    Wonder9

    Bloomberg

    PRE
    Amazon
    Wonder9more
    NYC has plenty of female swe, good luck op
    Jul 5, 2018 0
  • Qualcomm analyze
    Find a project manager or tester girl who can drive you
    Jul 5, 2018 2
    • Intuit poirot
      That’s so offensive! Tester girl! Whatever that means
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Qualcomm analyze
      Sorry I mean girl who is in to testing or QA
      Jul 6, 2018
  • Yahoo Thakur.
    I sometimes want to hangout with non techie crowd. I am techie so is my wife and all my friends. Common, you don’t want to talk to your partner about objects and classes.
    Jul 5, 2018 2
    • Cisco fandango
      But you can talk about inheritance and friends
      Jul 5, 2018
    • Yahoo Thakur.
      I said I don’t but sure I can..
      Jul 5, 2018
  • New / Eng
    tel5678

    New Eng

    BIO
    Studied mechanical engineering and art in college. Graduated in 2015. Been working at a product design consultancy since then.
    tel5678more
    I would look for someone who has a similar mindset as you but doesn’t have the exact same passions. I just think the initial attraction of being around someone with the exact same passions will fade and turn into a dick measuring contest. At least that’s the case if you have a competitive personality (based on your comments I get the impression that you are a competitive person). But I get that you want something more substantial to be able to talk about with a woman. I think you can find that if they have the same level of passion for what they do in life as you have for what you do, and you both have an appreciation and understanding of each other’s passions. That might mean a passionate UI designer, graphic designer, or even architect/furniture designer. At least that’s who I would look for if I were you
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      Seems very right what you say. I actually used to date a girl that was very competitive in Taekwondo many years back and we were both very serious athletes (top 3 in our country).

      It ended up being more, as you say, dick measuring than anything else :D
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Indeed / Eng JulyIs
    Get another hobby
    Jul 5, 2018 1
    • New / Other Anahajajaj
      OP
      I go to drawing classes over week. I go to the gym. I’m at good parties every weekend.

      I just really think it would be cozy to sit in the couch and talk code and cuddle. 😢
      Jul 5, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng Tier 1
    Bad move op.
    Jul 5, 2018 0

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