GF wants to break up after I accepted Google L3.

New lSTd07
May 25 75 Comments

Will start with Google in Zurich soon. Should mention that working for one of these companies was my dream. I've been with my girlfriend for the past 4 years, we basically grew up together. We lived together in NYC for one year.

She now wants to move back in our home country because all her friends are there and she can't take living abroad anymore.

Should I leave Google for her?

TC: $160k

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TOP 75 Comments
  • Amazon / Eng
    tangg

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    tanggmore
    Don't be stupid. Neither choice will make you feel good in the short term. Choose Google. Coz if you leave that, there's no stopping at that. What else is she gonna blackmail you for
    May 25 1
    • Tableau / Eng
      The Plague

      Tableau Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      The Plaguemore
      Wow, wanting to live close to your family is not blackmailing
      May 25
  • Amazon / Eng YcUP73
    Choose career over girls. The girls will follow.

    If you choose the girl, she will lose interest since you’re getting weak, and you will lose her later anyway.
    May 25 17
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      And Amazon, don’t call my wife emotional. She immigrated all alone from very poor country when she was 17, got scholarship, and made it to a VP level in a major corporation. We have an autistic son, who is thriving because she is managing his rehabilitation in addition to her job. Sometimes I suspect she doesn’t have nerves at all, and she would kick your pathetic ass in every opportunity.

      I know guys like you, always talking about submissive girls, and yet jerking off on Lara Croft.
      May 25
    • Amazon wassup!
      Wtf Amazon! "Girls are emotional and can't think rationally". Is that how you behave at work too? Coz if you do, you might be nicely quoting Lady Gaga now, but you won't get too far ahead in life
      May 25
    • Amazon / Eng YcUP73
      I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’m just pointing out the truth.

      Only in the tech bubble of the world full of SJWs, biological differences don’t exist between men and women, we’re all one sex. In the real world, our survival and mating is primarily based on those differences.

      It’s a shame you can’t have an objective discussion without people insulting you and calling you names and then turn around claiming that *you* are the “asshole”.

      The virtue signaling is sickening.
      May 25
    • Amazon / Eng YcUP73
      And also your entire understanding of being an Alpha male is incorrect.

      Alpha chimps aren’t necessarily the strongest or biggest. In fact, they usually aren’t.

      Being Alpha is being a desirable male, high social status, money, confidence, looks, everything plays a part. Most males are not Alpha, most are Betas.

      But that does not mean that Betas don’t survive past 25 years old or all that non-sense, Beta males also play a role in society, they just don’t have nearly the sexual options of an Alpha.
      May 25
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      The only person who called you asshole was yourself. Objective discussion does not contain anything like “pointing out the truth”. You either bring real facts and proof, or your saying like “only in tech bubble”. I can tell you more than half of the world is religious, they don’t believe in people being related to mammals at all. And for them your truth is a lie. The whole thing about Alpha and Beta is a theory, that doesn’t contain enough evidence to support it by the way. Also in a primal world nerds won’t be betas, they would be deltas at best.
      May 25
  • Apple
    ST8izGr8

    Apple

    PRE
    BT
    ST8izGr8more
    Dump her. Enjoy Google
    May 25 0
  • Twitch VLmy43
    Some women choose to follow men and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up one morning and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore - Lady Gaga
    May 25 0
  • Facebook
    machghost

    Facebook

    BIO
    that would be telling
    machghostmore
    Sounds like you two are pretty invested in each other — but while you shouldn’t ask her to live where she’s unhappy, she also shouldn’t ask you to give up a dream.

    Try long distance for a year. It won’t be easy, but its not the hardest thing in the world either. (Especially if your home country is in Europe or within a few hours of Switzerland)

    Conversely, if you do pass up a life opportunity that you deeply want, for her, it’s likely to be a source of resentment that will strain the relationship as well.
    May 25 4
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      Or he might find that this opportunity wasn’t worth it...
      I’ve been married for 10 years plus 3 years of dating and living together, and it’s my second marriage. Now I am convinced that right relationships are based on sacrifices from both partners, but decisions on those sacrifices should be made together based on facts, data and logic to minimize negative impact on suffering party.
      May 25
    • Facebook
      machghost

      Facebook

      BIO
      that would be telling
      machghostmore
      Sounds totally rational, as does navigating a relationship according to “facts, data, and logic”. I have yet to experience a romantic relationship that worked like that.
      May 25
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      Look, your relationship should be romantic. But when you make mutual life decision based on romantic feelings one of you will always take advantage of another one’s love without even wanting to do that. And another party will feel like there should be reciprocity somewhere, and then it all goes into subconscious and irrational part of your dialogue when nobody feels fairly treated.
      I’m married for a second time now :)
      May 25
    • Marin Software xOCX31
      This guy has been around. Listen to him
      May 25
  • Google USApotato
    What's your home country?
    May 25 4
    • New lSTd07
      OP
      It's a medium high income economy according to CIA factbook. In any case nothing compared with Switzerland or US in terms of potential income.
      May 25
    • RetailMeNot / Eng mirandaim
      Wouldn't want to get doxxed by naming a country lol
      May 25
    • Amazon undertaker
      You could have used just one word for the answer. But you chose a whole sentence which didn't answer the question itself
      May 25
    • This can be considered over engineering...😎
      Jun 5
  • Facebook gbburch
    I rejected two FANG offers in my early career due to boyfriends at the time. I broke up with both and am still bitter about wasting my time instead of taking jobs I was excited about. Don’t do this to yourself.
    May 25 1
    • Google / Eng b$gz6
      This
      May 25
  • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
    Does she have a work in Zurich?
    I think you should be compassionate here, as she must feel really lonely to want to get back.
    She probably understand that Zurich is a much better choice for life, but she feels depressed because she can’t fit in, and you have all this amazing life ahead of you.
    You just need to help her to get her own life in Zurich and she will stay.
    May 25 2
    • New lSTd07
      OP
      No. She doesn't. She might move in with me for one or two years, but she really wants to live the rest of her life in our home country close to her family and friends. I can promise to her that we move back in two years, but I don't want that. It would make me miserable probably.
      May 25
    • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
      It’s very normal. The thing is when she moves back she regrets it because she is different already. Why don’t you ask her to give a try and find a job, and if she stills want to go back in 3-6 months so be it for her.
      But I don’t think you should sacrifice your career for someone who is not your wife
      May 25
  • ServiceNow fGrq30
    Never settle
    May 25 0
  • Bloomberg ySfK74
    Take the offer and dump her.
    May 25 0
  • Cisco C-IT
    Why is it people’s dream to chase entry level at G with many years exp? The promo process is an absolute grind - unless you just plan on retiring and coasting at L4
    May 25 1
    • Glassdoor bvz
      Because even smart people can be stupid
      May 25
  • New adjkfie
    This is no question, congrats on your offer. Dump her
    May 25 0
  • Amazon echo $?
    Zurich is fucking expensive to live in. A good woman can make you happy. So can a good job. What matters is where your priorities are. My wife has been my biggest supporter and I would never have been as successful if I didn’t have her wisdom, kindness, and support—but that’s just me.

    Honestly if I had a girlfriend who knew me for so long I would stick with her and find a different job. You’re presumably finding her attractive enough to be in it for the long haul. You grew up together so presumably you’re compatible with one another and each others’ families. That’s worth a lot.

    One other piece of advice: when I got a job and asked my wife (then girlfriend) to follow me she said she wouldn’t do it for a boyfriend but would for a husband. I proposed two months later because I wanted the girl and the job. If she’s really the one for you, consider getting engaged and talk about a trial in Zurich. She may like it. And if she doesn’t, give her the option that you’re willing to move back to your home country. Relationships are all about compromise and navigating these kinds of choices. PM me if you want to talk some offline. I’ve been in a similar boat.
    May 26 4
    • Google / Eng lolwаt
      Zurich is cheaper than Bay Area and NYC! Expensive compared to rest of Europe.
      May 26
    • New lSTd07
      OP
      Thank you. Good advice!
      May 27
    • Facebook
      Reja

      Facebook

      BIO
      that would be telling
      Rejamore
      I don’t know about Zurich specifically but Switzerland is expensive AF. I’ve been in the Geneva area a lot recently and was amazed at how expensive it is compared to Bay Area and NYC (and certainly compared to neighboring European countries. Rent might be somewhat lower but everything else (food, transportation, etc is way higher.
      Jun 4
    • Google / Eng hоcuspocus
      Transport cost is just tourist trap, monthly abos are way cheaper than single tickets. Food is comparable in price to SF/NYC
      Jun 4
  • New / Eng
    🔥HODL🔥

    New Eng

    PRE
    Sogeti
    BIO
    I'm a generalist soft eng who loves to work on hard tasks and open-source. I have experience in many domains (low-level, web, data science, security, etc.).
    🔥HODL🔥more
    If you end up choosing Google, could your refer me?
    May 25 3
    • Snapchat eeXB43
      🙄
      May 25
    • Google
      EIon Musk

      Google

      PRE
      Amazon
      BIO
      TesIa CEO
      EIon Muskmore
      Haha, too soon. The man’s in pain
      May 25
    • New / Eng
      🔥HODL🔥

      New Eng

      PRE
      Sogeti
      BIO
      I'm a generalist soft eng who loves to work on hard tasks and open-source. I have experience in many domains (low-level, web, data science, security, etc.).
      🔥HODL🔥more
      Is it too soon for you? ;)
      May 25
  • Intel TyQi
    What I’m hearing is that she wants to go back to her home country, and you don’t want to. It sounds like you don’t ever want to. Is that right?

    If it is, you have a problem, and the problem isn’t do you take the google job or not. The problem is you have different life plans. This is probably where your journey ends with her. You’re no longer on the same path.
    May 25 0
  • Comcast / Product
    venomous

    Comcast Product

    PRE
    Bloomberg LP
    venomousmore
    Choose Google and hit the gym
    May 25 0
  • Google / Eng uint64
    Seriously, how old is she? Sounds like she prefers to stay with friends than with you? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
    Also, because it is hard for spouses to find jobs in Zurich, there is an awesome "Spooglers" community there.
    May 25 1
    • Comcast / Product
      venomous

      Comcast Product

      PRE
      Bloomberg LP
      venomousmore
      🤦‍♂️
      May 25
  • IBM / Eng
    xmr!

    IBM Eng

    BIO
    Install Gentoo
    xmr!more
    I guarantee you shell stick around with you. Just keep open doors for her.
    May 25 0
  • New drd00m
    Is a hard to answer but choose Google. Long answer short because you said it "is your dream"; what she wants is not compatible with what you want: even if you choose to dump Google Zurich, there will be other companies you would have to drop because she wants to go be at her home country and you are looking for different goal
    May 25 0
  • Google / Eng
    plaster

    Google Eng

    PRE
    Amazon
    plastermore
    Both of you have different long term plans. You will regret either decision. I would go with Google, and if she moves with you then make it very clear you don't wish to ever move back.

    I had the same happen, but she didn't want to live back there the rest of her life. She did get depressed and homesick for about a year, but she has managed to get through it.

    Edit: what helped was getting her a job which she couldn't get for a year waiting for a work visa, else she would have gone back. Is she all day at home?

    TC 235
    May 30 1
    • New lSTd07
      OP
      Not right now, but if she joins me in Zurich, she will be.
      I'm happy it worked out in your case. Are you based in Zurich?

      I agree that finding a job is key. We agreed to work it out, however the details are not clear for me.
      May 31