How i had a mental breakdown and left my SO and job in 1 day
I want to share my story so you all can avoid this. This is how I crackd.
I also want to repeat that this was entirely my own fault -- I was a part of an awesome team and my GF is a good person. The combined stress of not having good mental health and too much pressure personally + professionally broke me.
Lets start from about 2 years ago.
Seattle is a lonely city. Its cold, beautiful with nature. I moved here for the first time as a new grad from a warm state on the East Coast. I had no support system and couldn't hold myself. I fell in with a group of friends who sucked at supporting and whom i didnt get along with. But i decided to stick it out because you have the friends you have right?
Nah. Strike 1: choose people who will support you and you can feel worthy from. If your friends are doing shit like having minor "omg Asian" backhanded comments in the name of being "real," cut the bullshit out. US is ducked in this manner, nobody has any chill on any side, escape it. I didnt believe i would fit in so i gimped myself. "i dont fit in here and never will" is toxic self talk. If you wont let people do that to you, why do it to yourself?
Next. I tried VERY HARD to be a high performer at work and push for improvements to prove myself as a new grad. I waa chasing not the promo, but FIXING EVERYTHING. Now my team had a large ops load and loads of legacy. Everyone would complain about it and it seemed insurmountable. So i wanted to push for a lot of change, and people supported me. I wanted to push everything forward.
Strike 2. Front-loading work for endless workload that is high pressure doesnt work. Let things naturally happen. Move through your affairs like aikido -- use other people's inertia and redirect. If you push all day and night, you're gonna burn out. Don't get frustrated or care too much. Check out, create boundaries, dont try to prove yourself too hard. Work-life balance is about life health. Why end up lonely at 35 with no friends or interests besides work and burnt out? Please chill and stop over committing, new grads, unless everything already flows like water.
Now due to the loneliness, i became deaparate. Young dating culture sucks, incel culture sucks, self hate sucks. I ended up becoming curious and then fell in love with my coworker. I went ahead and pursued it despite warnings because WE were okay with it.
Strike 3. Don't get your honey where you get your money. When your relationship gets rocky, you're going to have to come into work and everytime you work with them, you'll have to wonder "do they still like me? Are they angry at me? Why are they being such an ahole right now? Wtf?" when in reality your mind is on chemicals and your not thinking straight and now you're ducked . This supercharges workplace tension and now EVERYTHING IS PERSONAL. Leave the job or put a pause until you leave. After all, if you like them and they back, waiting a few months until you can transfer is okay.
I ended up cracking under pressure and had a mental breakdown in front of my team and i resigned that day. GF didn't contact until later, communication was already poor, we broke up. Its been a good 3 months now after working on myself. I'm still not great, but I'm improving.
How you recover:
- Mindfulness is key. You end up falling into traps on autopilot unless you think. You control your emotions if you believe you can and you have a strong commitment and motivation to. Your weakness hurts others and doesn't justify your hurting others despite you hurting inside.
- Dont over invest into anything. Putting your life quality on perfection from people or your job doesnt work. Be willing to accept imperfection and be grateful for what you have. You have gifts, and you dont need to think about what is lacking at work or people.
- Fix your insecurities, get rid of self talk. See a therapist early before it's the only choice. Get anti-anxiety meds.
- Remember to slow down. My main problem is that i turned to additions like smoking and YouTube instead of realizing i had problems. Slow down, gently discover your own problems and feelings, and be compassionate. Because your mom wont be there always (and they're gonna be dead, so learn to love yourself when it doenst come externally)
There. Good luck people