How to Get Wife to be Attracted to Me?

Microsoft / Other abcde4
May 11 124 Comments

We haven't had sex for over a year. Before you say TC, my TC is already higher than hers. I listen to everything she says. I dress well, smell good etc. Try to start getting her turned on, but she always ends up stopping me, saying that she is not in the mood.

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TOP 124 Comments
  • New bmmC14
    She has somebody. Divorce and move on.
    May 11 3
    • New / Eng / ÷
      Can Indians divorce outside of India? Just curious.
      May 11
    • New bmmC14
      I’m pretty sure you can divorce in the US.
      May 11
    • Verizon Media
      jydwl

      Verizon Media

      PRE
      Verizon Media
      jydwlmore
      You register divorce in all the places where the marriage is registered. So it will be US and India.
      May 12
  • eBay ebabe
    Maybe you’re too easy, and kissing ass is turning her off. She might like to get treated like a piece of meat.
    May 11 9
    • eBay ebabe
      Exactly. So many women want a real man in bed who tells her what to do. Even if they are an alpha female in real life, they want a man to tell them what to do and to lose control in bed.
      May 12
    • New / Consultant
      PinkJacket

      New Consultant

      PRE
      Google, Techstars, Mozilla, Barracuda, Duo Security
      BIO
      I'm me.
      PinkJacketmore
      You don't have to be an alpha man to dominate someone in bed. I'm male, genderqueer, and very femme. Yet I'm a Domme who only dates women who skew very feminist. So imo it's really about being able to make them feel dominated and not at all about being an "alpha" or a "man."
      May 12
    • New / Consultant
      PinkJacket

      New Consultant

      PRE
      Google, Techstars, Mozilla, Barracuda, Duo Security
      BIO
      I'm me.
      PinkJacketmore
      The bottom line is communication though. Don't be ashamed to get a couple's therapist if you need that help communicating. Bring it up with them.
      May 12
    • ICU Medical / Mktg
      user3.0

      ICU Medical Mktg

      BIO
      Trying my own thing but doing something for someone else. 🤷🏼‍♂️
      user3.0more
      Why'd you marry a feminist though? 😭
      May 12
    • Lyft wXfl07
      Feminist publicly has nothing to do with erotic impulses in the bedroom lots of feminists like to play the bottom in the bedroom...
      May 12
  • Snapchat / Other dudeLA
    Don't take advice from blind just talk yo her
    May 11 3
    • Accenture shortsell
      This is best advice here
      May 12
    • Workday tamama
      Yea man so many either trolls or singles giving relationship advice
      May 12
    • ICU Medical / Mktg
      user3.0

      ICU Medical Mktg

      BIO
      Trying my own thing but doing something for someone else. 🤷🏼‍♂️
      user3.0more
      So you think he should talk to her?
      May 12
  • Microsoft Trillion🧢
    I feel like the guys in here are inexperienced in marriage/women, lots of women don’t need/want sex hardly ever. Usually not revealed until after marriage. Many other married guys report the same thing
    May 12 10
  • Google nOfM55
    Have an honest talk with her, ask why she always refuses sex. Go to marriage counseling.

    If you want to improve the marriage, tell her and see if she does too. If she does, great, start counseling. If not, do consider leaving
    May 12 2
    • Amazon dssa2
      This is the correct answer
      May 12
    • Yup. You can’t live like this forever OP. Talk to her and dig deep down to the root of the problem, calmly.

      If she really isn’t attracted to you and there’s nothing you could do about it, leave. I’m sorry 🤷‍♂️. You could also see a marriage therapist.
      May 12
  • Apple warmwelcum
    She is fucking somebody else, it can’t get any clear than this. Sorry mate
    May 11 2
    • Microsoft / Other abcde4
      OP
      I'll give her as much benefit of the doubt as I can.
      May 11
    • Microsoft jdjfjfcj
      You're being naive. It doesn't get clearer than this. She is fucking someone else. Get that into your mind.
      May 11
  • Microsoft / Other abcde4
    OP
    She compares me to her friends' boyfriends or husbands, and that is also a problem I think...
    May 11 7
    • Microsoft / Other abcde4
      OP
      Unfortunately, it isn't!
      May 11
    • Snapchat / Other dudeLA
      Comparing with others is the worst thing people can do, I would recommend talking to her family or friends about it.
      May 11
    • Amazon qwertyup
      why is your spouse comparing you to other peoples husbands?
      You said that tc doesnt matter because you make more than her?
      You are not supposed to be one upping each other instead of helping each other grow.
      May 12
    • Oracle / Eng aham
      What kind of comparisons? Can you elaborate?
      May 12
    • Facebook / Eng tux12
      Compare genital size
      May 12
  • Netflix quickster
    Lots of bad advice. There's zero evidence she's cheating. Ignore those posters. Also, don't follow the advice about asking what you need to do for sex. You do need to communicate, but that is not the way to phrase it. She'll feel even less attracted to you if she just thinks she's sex meat to you. What you need to ask is what you can do to be a better husband and more attractive to her. Only later should you ask specifically about sex.
    May 12 0
  • New / Eng
    10yoe250k

    New Eng

    PRE
    Google
    10yoe250kmore
    She either has somebody or lesbian. OP, how is your looks? Was it arranged marriage?
    May 11 13
    • Microsoft / Other abcde4
      OP
      Interesting about asexuality...
      May 11
    • Microsoft / Other abcde4
      OP
      Is frigid that bad, and can't frigid be temporary?
      May 11
    • Uber / Eng zvnt81
      She has someone else
      May 11
    • Booking.com S8n
      can you afford to divorce?
      if no, ignore her and spoil her a bit more
      if yes, tell her how her behavior makes you feel: if there's a solution she'll share.
      May 12
    • Microsoft Trillion🧢
      I don’t think she has someone else some women don’t need it/ want it as much as men
      May 12
  • Amazon vdQy55
    Work out, and get 6 packs
    May 11 4
    • Microsoft / Other abcde4
      OP
      I'll try that next.
      May 11
    • Amazon / Eng
      FwNL50

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Hewlett Packard Enterprise
      FwNL50more
      Girls dont want this guys..Inexperienced are advising here..
      May 12
    • F5 Networks buzz-word
      She is having some fun on the side. Or she is depressed
      May 12
    • eBay ebabe
      Confidence + belly > six pack
      May 12
  • Accenture shortsell
    Ask her to see a therapist. Be honest, tell her how you feel (honestly) "we haven't had sex in a long time and it frustrates me... What do I need to do, I am not a mind reader". P.S. imop women speak a much more subtle language of intention and desires than men. And I'm guilty of this too ... Very easy to be oblivious of their signals and how they percieve things their partners do.

    If you have children this is all the more important that you resolve your differences, and be willing to work on your problems regardless of if you stay together. If she declines (to go to therapy) go by yourself, if the relationship isn't worth working on for BOTH of you together, than you have your answer, but for children absolutely no reason to lay blame, and appropriate behavior is to show you can work together as their parents, and no lay blame.

    To clarify when I say ask "what I need to do?", Does not mean "what do I need to do for sex" ... Means: "what do I need to do to make sure you know I care about you"
    May 12 0
  • Amazon / Eng
    FwNL50

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Hewlett Packard Enterprise
    FwNL50more
    Root cause: you are not treating her well, dude. You are mentioning TC here, wtf! 🤣🤣🤣..She wants emotional support and you are just exciting her with $$$! Take her out, give her a feeling of importance, love and care. As someone said, lack of experience is reflecting here..
    May 12 3
    • New / Eng starl0rd
      I see you are new to Blind.
      May 12
    • Amazon / Eng
      HellAhead

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Hewlett Packard Enterprise
      HellAheadmore
      New to blind now new to this world!
      May 12
    • Amazon / Eng
      HellAhead

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Hewlett Packard Enterprise
      HellAheadmore
      @starl0rd: Actually I changed my username..May be thats why..
      May 12
  • LeanTaaS ♥️ data
    Gym
    May 12 0
  • Salesforce pLIp42
    Over a year? WTF is wrong with you? Life is short. Ask for a divorce and move on.
    May 12 1
    • VMware / Eng
      tyxS31

      VMware Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Hulu
      tyxS31more
      Divorce is no joke either, let the dude give his marriage a chance before using the nuke option
      May 12
  • Leanplum ballsacks
    Was the sex good beforehand? How many partners did she have before you?
    May 12 4
    • Amazon / Eng
      FwNL50

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Hewlett Packard Enterprise
      FwNL50more
      Doesnt matter..If she is not treated well, she gets back to her old good days.#Experience
      May 12
    • Accenture shortsell
      Irrelevant... I had higher expectations of your contributions here "Ballsacks"
      May 12
    • Leanplum ballsacks
      Sorry, I guess the sack is not saggy enough
      May 12
    • Accenture shortsell
      Tuck back your sack, put some rouge on you, I think we have a solution for OP
      May 12
  • Roku
    🎃💀👻👽☠️

    Roku

    PRE
    Yahoo
    🎃💀👻👽☠️more
    Stop giving her any attention. Wait until she seeks attention, if she doesn’t, time to move on or get help.
    May 12 1
    • Cisco cbd
      This
      May 12
  • Lyft wXfl07
    Maybe 30% of women are frigid by 40 it's why the competition for young women is so damned high ....
    May 12 2
    • Cisco cbd
      Frigid? Half of men are bald and overweight by 40
      May 12
    • Facebook / Eng lkj630
      Frigid is not a technical term. I'd like to see the study behind your claims.
      May 13
  • New lSTd07
    Install Tinder and hope you match with her.
    May 12 1
    • New 0hcow1
      This is a hillarious comment
      May 14
  • Juniper Pliny Jr
    I suggest Marriage Counseling if she can't tell you directly and honestly and MATURELY about this sensitive subject.

    Put yourself in the IF/THEN mind frame for likely scenarios. Just an FYI, sex after marriage dies off HUGELY after marriage for the woman (especially after kids) so your concern may be much ado about nothing than the "marriage normality".
    May 12 0
  • Expedia / Eng anony🐭
    1 year? Damn...
    May 12 0