We haven't had sex for over a year. Before you say TC, my TC is already higher than hers. I listen to everything she says. I dress well, smell good etc. Try to start getting her turned on, but she always ends up stopping me, saying that she is not in the mood.
- Maybe you’re too easy, and kissing ass is turning her off. She might like to get treated like a piece of meat.
- OP I've never met a feminist that didn't want to get ravaged in bed. It's like they want equal treatment in the real world but fantasize about being put down in private. People tend go get off on deviating from their norms, like powerful execs going to dominatrixes to experience being powerless. Think about it.
- You don't have to be an alpha man to dominate someone in bed. I'm male, genderqueer, and very femme. Yet I'm a Domme who only dates women who skew very feminist. So imo it's really about being able to make them feel dominated and not at all about being an "alpha" or a "man."
- I feel like the guys in here are inexperienced in marriage/women, lots of women don’t need/want sex hardly ever. Usually not revealed until after marriage. Many other married guys report the same thing
- Have an honest talk with her, ask why she always refuses sex. Go to marriage counseling.
If you want to improve the marriage, tell her and see if she does too. If she does, great, start counseling. If not, do consider leaving
- She compares me to her friends' boyfriends or husbands, and that is also a problem I think...
- Lots of bad advice. There's zero evidence she's cheating. Ignore those posters. Also, don't follow the advice about asking what you need to do for sex. You do need to communicate, but that is not the way to phrase it. She'll feel even less attracted to you if she just thinks she's sex meat to you. What you need to ask is what you can do to be a better husband and more attractive to her. Only later should you ask specifically about sex.
- She either has somebody or lesbian. OP, how is your looks? Was it arranged marriage?
- Ask her to see a therapist. Be honest, tell her how you feel (honestly) "we haven't had sex in a long time and it frustrates me... What do I need to do, I am not a mind reader". P.S. imop women speak a much more subtle language of intention and desires than men. And I'm guilty of this too ... Very easy to be oblivious of their signals and how they percieve things their partners do.
If you have children this is all the more important that you resolve your differences, and be willing to work on your problems regardless of if you stay together. If she declines (to go to therapy) go by yourself, if the relationship isn't worth working on for BOTH of you together, than you have your answer, but for children absolutely no reason to lay blame, and appropriate behavior is to show you can work together as their parents, and no lay blame.
To clarify when I say ask "what I need to do?", Does not mean "what do I need to do for sex" ... Means: "what do I need to do to make sure you know I care about you"
- Root cause: you are not treating her well, dude. You are mentioning TC here, wtf! 🤣🤣🤣..She wants emotional support and you are just exciting her with $$$! Take her out, give her a feeling of importance, love and care. As someone said, lack of experience is reflecting here..
- Salesforce pLIp42Over a year? WTF is wrong with you? Life is short. Ask for a divorce and move on.
- Roku 🎃💀👻👽☠️moreStop giving her any attention. Wait until she seeks attention, if she doesn’t, time to move on or get help.
- Maybe 30% of women are frigid by 40 it's why the competition for young women is so damned high ....
- Juniper Pliny JrI suggest Marriage Counseling if she can't tell you directly and honestly and MATURELY about this sensitive subject.
Put yourself in the IF/THEN mind frame for likely scenarios. Just an FYI, sex after marriage dies off HUGELY after marriage for the woman (especially after kids) so your concern may be much ado about nothing than the "marriage normality".
- I’m going to offer the perspective of someone whose actually been in your shoes. My wife has a low sex drive and that was ok for her for a while. Then mine kicked up quite a bit and I found myself frustrated. Eventually I decided to do something about it so I had an open and honest conversation with her about it. It took about 6 years to work it out but we finally did: have sex when both of you are willing and not necessarily in the mood. That’s the chief takeaway. Having sex results in more sex; having less does the same. It’s part of the marriage flywheel. Give that a try.
- In the mood means that I kind of want to. Willing means I don’t want it but I am consenting to it, and may change my mind about wanting it once we get started.
I originally drew the line at “in the mood” and our sex life went nowhere for years because she wasn’t in the mood (she’s 2x a month or less; most often less). I was always waiting for when she was in the mood and it only led to frustration.May 140
- One suggestion: take her out on a vacation for a week or two. Regenerate the best moments you had with her, hear her out, make her drunk, make her laugh..I am sure, you both will get back to track. Girls need to be treated well buddy. They are very emotional. Sometimes we overlook their emotional feelings because we are tend to look at the practical side. So, do what you want but make her realize that you are doing something as per her wish just to make her happy.
- Don't waste your time talking.
Go to the gym, be attractive. Once you are good looking the problem will fix itself.
If it doesn't then divorce and you'll have no problem because now you look good.
Ignore all the talk to her bullshit. Take care of yourself. You cannot change her only yourself.
- It's hard. I'm in a relationship for the past 6 years and we haven't had sex in the last 3. I'm not attracted to him but it breaks my heart to tell him that. He knows it and doesn't bring it up. We're still together, not married yet though. I told him he's free to move on but he claims that I bring value to his life which others haven't brought so far. And it goes on.
Can you live without sex? She can't control a lack of attraction.
- she probably has somebody. better hire a private investigator or just talk to her. i'm dating this girl that is cheating on her husband. they haven't had sex for 2 years. her reason is she's not attracted to him anymore
- Apple abilitiesOP: what if say you hug her , touch her ? Will she shun you away ? If not may be one thing will lead to another and may spark some 💥 🎇🧨
- Read the book Cum As You Are - is a discussion of how sexuality differs between people, how to talk about it and how, for many women, you just existing is not enough to turn them on - they need context.
Like other commentators have said, sounds like this is a reaction to other stuff not working well between the two of you.
- Look at this study lol, married couples don’t have sex research shows, front page of Reddit now https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/bnnyb8/unmarried_couples_living_apart_have_the_highest/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app
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