From my limited dating experience, people don't want to commit before having sex. I don't want to have sex before commitment. I have only had sex with one person. We were friends for ~6 months before we developed a mutual attraction towards each other, separated after almost a decade long beautiful relationship. Commitment was a given (never had the exclusivity talk), sex happened after a few months into the relationship where we both lost our virginity. How do I break this commitment-sex deadlock? Should I keep looking till I find the right person, or am I just being too old-school?
Think of it this way, its ok to sleep with the wrong person, than have kids with the wrong person, that should help you
I would like to take my time to know the person enough to understand if I am making the right move. Sex can wait.
Sure, Ofcourse, but your questions was to help you break this pattern?
Assuming that deadlocks are rare, a way to resolve it is to reboot the system if and when a deadlock happens. This is how Unix deals with deadlocks.
No normal (non-religious) American grown up is going to enter into a committed relationship without knowing if you are sexually compatible. Instead, filter the players trying to use you for sex by looking for people with a history of long term committed relationships instead of people who have hopped around like crazy. Then accept there will still be people you sleep with who don't work out. That is normal and OK. Or stick to religious nuts. Your call.
See OP, this is the backwards attitude you have about sex, probably coming from a very repressed upbringing. Stop living in the 12th century. Sex is a huge part of a good relationship, and good sexual compatibility is very important for a healthy long term partnership. Part of knowing your partner is knowing their sexuality, and determining if that is something you can live with for a long time.
There's no need for hyperbolic judgement. There are a lot of people in contemporary times that feel this way. It's not a backwards thing... it's just different for different people.
@Intel Wow, judgements because I am different from you on my views about relationship? I would like to know the person first and be sure that I am getting into the right thing. Sex is a part of it, it's not the relationship itself. Jeez, with that mindset, how are you ever gonna work if life throws you in different cities at some point, or the libido of your partner goes down at some point? It's not a pump and dump game.
Move to a country where pre marital sex is still frowned upon. In America, you probably don’t want to date people who are against sex before a commitment as the group will almost exclusively comprise religious nuts.
Did you like sex OP? From your post it doesn't look like you enjoy it and hence can live without it.
I enjoyed it with my ex. I haven't tried it with anyone else as yet.
It’s just sex. Why be so caught up on it. Go fuck your brains out...geez
Your being old school. No quality guy that isn’t a loser will wait months and months for sex. Just put out and see if you are compatible.
Dude just fuck and move on. Be a total play boy if you can
Stop using dating apps to find potential partners.
This. There are plenty of ways to find dates otherwise, and the apps themselves carry a casual reputation.