How to deal with a berating wife?
My wife gets angry on small things and keeps on scolding me. She doesn't get calmed down. This instigates me (as I have an ego too and can't take the scolding). I getting angry, start cussing (swear words) and then we have an ugly fight. She doesn't give me space when I request going to a separate room to cool down. Married for 4 years now. Appreciate your help. TC - $340k (at $45)
Lawyer up. Hit the gym. Divorce.
Marriage counseling.
I have proposed it many times, but she resists it saying she doesn't need it and knows everything that is wrong with us - which is my upbringing
Well, that is really fucked up. Wives tearing down husbands is normal, but refusing counseling and requests for help, is some bad shit. Maybe start going to counseling by yourself.
First, seek some marriage counseling and make sure she is bought in on the fact that this behavior is hurting your marriage. In the interim, make sure the makeup sex is at the top level.
I also just need space when I get frustrated. Ten minutes alone and I’m back to normal, I’ll apologize (if it was my bad) and move on. When people keep on getting in my face when I ask for some time to cool off - that’s usually how all my nasty fights have started. If it’s not a language thing and you really are abusing your wife, I really don’t think there is a coming back from that. If that’s the case, you should prob leave her and let her move on.
whats a language thing?
In US culture, no one forced you to get married. Now I know that's not everyone's culture. With that said, do some self assessment... Do you care about this person? How do you care for this person? Do you care about the outcome of your relationship or are you only looking for how to change your experience in the relationship? If you care for this person and you care about your marriage, you need to establish open and clear communication of your expectations and experience with your spouse; understand what they are experiencing/facing that is driving them to behave this way. Then work with them to work with you on changing and a path to make this communication better or at least more effective. As a husband you may need to support your wife in many ways, including emotionally and mentally thru challenging times. If in your self assessment you determine that you don't care about your partner, then ask yourself why did you get married in the first place? If you still don't feel any value in this relationship, and you can't answer why you married in the first place (forced marriage, green card status, into $, or for legit reasons), then you can consider other options...mediation, marriage counseling, divorce, separation, etc
very insightful. Thanks for sharing.
Are you abusing alcohol etc, or are you abusing your wife? If the latter is true, that path can never end in something good for your marriage. You both take some antidepressants, and start talking calmly
swearing/cuss words
Divorce ASAP. Such people never change. Why to waste your life with such a bad person
Yes, his wife deserves someone better than a partner who cusses her for getting angry instead of trying to understand the reason behind it and finding a solution together.
Desi bro - are you married or single?
There’s plenty of helpful material out there, and I suggest that you start using those. We often do not learn how to be successful in relationships, and there is a lot to learn. Recently started listening to the audiobook of “the 5 love languages” together with my fiancé. We have had some bad fights, but listening to the book together has helped. There’s also a podcast episode that I found useful https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relationship-advice/id840534227?i=1000390053702
My wife has a big problem with my upbringing. She doesn't think i was raised right, whereas she was. She expects me to behave in a way that she would behave. She can't take statement with even a slightest negative undertone. Everything that I speak should be positive and not rude ever or we will have a fight. Are other couples 100% polite (as in the formal setting) with each other?
^ Ummm. Isn’t everyone’s wife like that? All you wives out here — do you ever take shit from your husbands without (sooner or later) giving lip back?
If no prenup, get a gym membership, Brazzers account, and a comfy couch.
"start abusing" well, to start, maybe you should...I dunno, stop abusing your wife?
By abuse he probably means talk in a mean way or use unsavoury words. Not what you're thinking.
Moreover the Facebook guy forgot that wife started the abuse in the first place. Men have self respect too. If a wife keeps abusing him it’s just natural for him to react. Your statement is a classic example of female privilege.