How to get out of a relationship?

Neurocrine gomv61
Jun 5 54 Comments

I am in a relationship with a married man and emotionally invested with him. We talk everyday when he is driving to work, chat when he is putting his kids to sleep, and meet once a quarter. He is super responsive to my pings during the day but it slows down in the evening when he is home. We know almost everything about each other including interests, work, kids, health, desires, emotions, life, happiness, sadness, regrets, everyday things. He tells me he really likes me but can't divorce because of kids and social obligations. He remembers every touch of mine and I do too. It's killing. I keep thinking about it and it's giving me a headache. I really want to end this but I also really like him.

What are some of the things I can do - do I cut him off suddenly one day or do I slowly get out of it? What else can I do?

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TOP 54 Comments
  • Oracle Atletico
    It’s not a relationship. He is using you as his side chick. You have zero probability of being with him. If push comes to shove, he will dump you in a nanosecond
    Jun 5 8
    • VMware mine
      I don't understand this, why you are invested in something/someone which you know maybe not so invested in you. Either you are very kind or stupid. Sorry for harsh words.
      Jun 5
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      Probably both 😭
      Jun 5
    • Microsoft vznX62
      I know how it feels. But you got to move on dear. Stuff happens. What would you do if he relocates? One approach is for you to relocate.
      Jun 5
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      We are in different cities already. That's why the major connect is chats and calls.
      Jun 5
    • New RoHK
      when did we start using nanoseconds?
      Jun 7
  • Microsoft
    Pikachoo

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Microsoft
    Pikachoomore
    Tell his wife, she deserves to know the truth. Then let her decide what to do.
    Jun 5 3
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      He wouldn't tell his wife, we already discussed that. But he is open to introducing me as a friend.
      Jun 5
    • Clover Health sses
      There are three people involved. You are letting him control hold all the cards. Do you see how terrible that is?
      Jun 5
    • SAP tjjW71
      OP, and what good would introducing you as a friend do? Allow you the legitimacy of his wife's approval so you both can openly communicate/ be seen with each other?

      OP, think of the wife, and think of you - evaluate this relationship as an external, observing third person. What do you see, and what do you feel? Be strong!! Much love!
      Jun 5
  • Amazon / Eng prestige🧐
    TC?
    Jun 5 0
  • Cisco cbd
    He will leave you the moment his wife finds out. And she will find out. I have seen it many times. He is lying to you both.
    Jun 5 4
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      He said he is open to introducing me as a friend. Should I reduce the relationship to friendship?
      Jun 5
    • Amazon / Mgmt Db8db4
      No. Despite popular opinion, spouses are not stupid/oblivious.
      Jun 5
    • Cisco cbd
      All it takes is for her to see one text message. The truth always comes out it’s just a matter of when
      Jun 5
    • Amazon / Eng ewjX55
      Lol Amazon. Its true though. The wife will probably pick up on it from just a passing look or vibe. Odds are hes done this before, or she has a hunch anyways and shell looking
      Jun 5
  • Accenture rjfowjy
    you guys are just fuck buddies. that's the reality
    Jun 5 0
  • Let him know ho you feel then break it off after a week or two later. Ya it sucks but dont cheat ypurself out of a fulltime partner.
    Jun 5 2
    • Clover Health sses
      Pun intended?
      Jun 5
    • Microsoft itfrfhh
      Pun intended?
      Jun 5
  • NetApp l0rD
    Now I know why rest of us don't have girlfriends 😁😁, women like OP are after married man
    Jun 5 3
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      How are you so sure single men want to date me when they can pick up a hot Russian at the bar?
      Jun 5
    • NetApp l0rD
      Why not?
      Jun 5
    • New / Consultant
      LHBR

      New Consultant

      BIO
      Always looking how to do Business better.
      LHBRmore
      Dating is a horrible experience. A married man who is committed to one side chick feels like what a boyfriend should be when in reality, it is not.

      I’m glad you are getting out. You will need to replace your time with some new conversations. You should go to some counseling also to help heal yourself. It’s hard at first. But you will give yourself a chance at real love in the future.
      Jun 6
  • Amazon / Finance
    IPT5TH

    Amazon Finance

    PRE
    General Motors, Owens Corning, Scottrade
    IPT5THmore
    Eliminate the possibility of sex while he's married and watch how quickly your relationship with him dies.
    Jun 5 2
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      We never had sex. We had some intimacy. I told him I don't want to get intimate anymore and he seemed ok. He told me to stay in touch with him as we currently are.

      I don't know if that's a mind game or if he really means it
      Jun 5
    • VMware mine
      Your feeling for him is nothing but gush of dopamine and oxytocin in your brain. It will normalize after few days eventually.
      Jun 5
  • PayPal x ploy ted
    Suggest a threesome.
    Jun 5 0
  • Amazon / Finance
    IPT5TH

    Amazon Finance

    PRE
    General Motors, Owens Corning, Scottrade
    IPT5THmore
    Stop it immediately. You'll get over the emotions and there are other available guys. What you're doing is wrong. Don't be so desperate that you'll take being a side chick to a married man. There is no future in this and you're wasting your better years with this nonsense.
    Jun 5 0
  • Expedia dxTT40
    Please don’t let him hurt you, move out of this relationship soon.
    Jun 5 2
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      How? I feel stuck.
      Jun 6
    • Expedia dxTT40
      Matter of time.... just try to distance urself from him... hang out with other friends.... keep urself busy.... it will be hard but is doable.
      Jun 6
  • Navy Federal Credit Union / Eng masti
    Sounds like both of you are co-dependent neurotic narcissists. Leave him and go to therapy, suggest the same for him.
    Jun 5 0
  • Oracle / Eng jomol
    If you don't realize he is using you for sex and/or emotional support no one can help you.

    OP, only you can help yourself. You clearly know he will not leave his family. Why are investing in this relationship? Distance yourself. Earlier you do this better for you!
    Jun 5 0
  • New / Mgmt
    FourHrWkWk

    New Mgmt

    PRE
    EY, IBM, Financial Times, Google
    BIO
    Founder with Interests in investing, energy, crypto, cannabis, tech. Multiple startups, I enjoy mentoring entrepreneurs.
    FourHrWkWkmore
    Date other men. This probably won’t end until you meet someone else who will make you look back and say damn, that was stupid. And even then you’ll probably still think about him and even hook up once in a while because it’s intriguing. Most importantly come to accept that if he is saying now he can’t leave his family, he won’t. If he had a troubled marriage, he’d be gone
    Jun 6 0
  • Uber PostIpo
    He’s using you for sex, be little sensible and let him fuck off
    Jun 5 0
  • LinkedIn boringdude
    Ok if you’re really in for the emotional connection be friends! Semi platonic at most.

    If you’re in it for sex, be a side chic and be prepared to be treated as one.

    It ain’t that complicated!
    Jun 5 2
    • Neurocrine gomv61
      OP
      The former. We haven't had sex. We had some intimacy but he is ok letting it go.
      Jun 5
    • LinkedIn boringdude
      Friends with some intimacy sounds perfect
      Jun 6
  • Microsoft kcif
    I’ve never met anyone who regretted escaping from potential abusive partner (including me).
    Jun 10 0
  • eBay burjok
    Don’t do this .. ruining your life .. leave him for the sake of kids
    Jun 6 0
  • Zulily EnGw35
    Are you Indian?
    Jun 6 2
    • Uber PostIpo
      Are you moron?
      Jun 7
    • LinkedIn boringdude
      @Uber you probably are both moron and Indian.
      Indian culture is shallow and often people are stuck in such broken marriages. The above question is more than justified 
      Jun 8
  • Uber / Eng
    xdfubr

    Uber Eng

    PRE
    Yahoo
    xdfubrmore
    The only things I’ve seen so far is actions are far greater than words. If you go and have talks and discussion around your heart break u still might end up with this guy due to emotional investment. Set up a deadline and have if this or that action for him. If he can’t do that .. that means the relationship is never going to be there and it’s better if u cut it off plus u will have mental satisfaction that u tried ur best.
    Good luck
    Jun 13 0