Husband - appreciating wife

Jan 4 74 Comments

Ok been married for long time. Wife challenged me saying I don’t say positive things and appreciate her! The way things are, I couldn’t come up with a list of appreciations.

Not asking how you show appreciation! What are the things you appreciate your wife for?

*Please give your examples of what you appreciate! *



Btw, I do say thanks for the food and the occasional/rare attempts to do some nice things. Not a total asshole.

Btw, she is stay st home with full burden and stress on me. Has a nice social life. Cooking and giving healthy food to kids is huge stress and challenge. I do push myself to cook as much as possible on the weekends to ensure kids have something decent.

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TOP 74 Comments
  • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
    Asking about it with strangers on Blind always helps. Go spend time talking to your wife instead. 🙄
    Jan 4 6
    • OP
      She has hard time listening with phone and tv!
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      Turn all that shit off and spend time together doing something.
      Jan 4
    • OP
      She is the one with TV and phone!
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      Your point?
      Jan 5
    • OP
      Are you saying I should ask her to get off the phone and TV?
      Jan 5
    • Palo Alto Networks LWtE67
      If you're actually going to spend time with her and not just be a YTA, then yes!!!
      Jan 8
  • Google meXe73
    Take her out on a no-phones date. Make opportunities to get to know her better.
    Jan 4 4
    • OP
      21 years of marriage!
      Jan 4
    • Google meXe73
      Then you really ought to know some things you appreciate. Maybe make a list of the reasons you'd be sad if the two of you split up? Then reword it to be about her and more positive.
      Jan 4
    • Google meXe73
      If you still have trouble maybe your marriage is in bad shape and seeing a therapist would be a good idea
      Jan 4
    • OP
      I plan to start counseling by myself..too much mental chatter at the minimum is disturbing me.

      See other replies - she is perfect for any help. Always points at me to be fixed.
      Jan 4
  • Microsoft ИN
    I'd try to find a reason she told you that. Talk to her and find out what was the recent thing you've done that got her upset. Otherwise you'll be brute-forcing and may still end up being guilty with a lack of appreciation.
    Jan 4 9
    • OP
      A slight negative comment will trigger her. She interprets everything as her blaming her.
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      Sack up
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft ИN
      No need for a negative comment. A hug and a simple "how did I upset you?" would do.
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      My answer was better!
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft ИN
      @Atinlay, there there, have a 🍬 for that 🙂
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      😉
      Jan 4
    • OP
      Suck up or a sack up? There is no hugging after triggering with negative comment. It’s hell break lose. She ends with “ you don’t appreciate me because I’m not working and making money. I need find someone and run away” ( I pray for that)
      Jan 4
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      Sack up! You sound scared of her! Stop walking on eggshells and have honest conversations. After 21 years, you owe each other honesty!
      Jan 4
    • OP
      Eggs she'll for sure. When she triggers, she signs off for days and ignores the kida too. From the day they were toddlers and up.until middle . school. Now she threatens with canceling social events, trips etc.

      She doesn't care to talk as it always ends up I triggered, my fault, go,fix it!!
      Jan 4
  • Intel / Eng xdCS17
    Look up the concept of Love Languages and figure out what yours and your wife’s are. Maybe you aren’t giving her the right type of messages.
    Jan 4 2
  • New bulll
    A good way would be to offer her massage.
    Jan 4 0
  • Microsoft Courtana
    This generation gives too much importance to sex and women. Just divorce!
    Jan 4 4
    • Facebook
      Blahhblah

      Facebook

      BIO
      _
      Blahhblahmore
      There's something more important than sex?
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Yeah hike Mount Everest and soak in the beauty of nature 😂
      Jan 4
    • Facebook
      Blahhblah

      Facebook

      BIO
      _
      Blahhblahmore
      I've hiked the Sierras, Rockies, etc... Sex is still better.
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft Courtana
      False propaganda!
      Jan 4
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    I greatly appreciate everything my wife does for me and our kids. I work insane hours often and she does everything around the house. She always finds time for us to talk and connect. Sex and massage at least once a week. She is not a spendthrift and spends under our agreed upon budgets for the year. I know I’ve got it good, and make sure she knows I appreciate every bit of it
    Jan 5 6
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Dreaming much? 😂
      Jan 5
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      @Courtana Not everyone is as miserable as you
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Don't turn blind into a Facebook, every relationship has its ups n downs and I am a seasoned person in relationships. I can tell you what u listed any uneducated economically dependent HomeMaker will not do all 365 days in a year. Don't lie to yourself it feels like u r in the same boat as OP
      Jan 5
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      My wife is brilliant, educated (PhD in an applied science) and could easily make 6 figures if she wanted to. We are comfortable enough where we are, and she wants to stay home while our kids our young—and I’m supportive of that.
      Jan 5
    • OP
      Thank you @1700zulu.
      Jan 5
    • OP
      @Courtana you are correct. Not in same boat as 1700zulu. I think in my case missing some education, desire or motivation to learn, ambtion to do better, being rational, and possibly some,emotional/psychological issues.
      Jan 5
  • Facebook e11
    - household tasks
    - listening/caring about me taking about shit
    - planning activities that we do together
    - taking care of kids
    - buying things we need
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      Thank you. I would give a current score of 10 to 25% in each area. Maybe sown were hight when kids were in elementary to mddile.sxhool.
      Jan 4
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • OP
      How so? Where do you see lack of emotion? I’m actually emotional and emphatatic too much - that itself she complains as she is too cold, not cuddly, don’t think about others..

      Seriously, you come to conclusion so fast with little information. So please tell em how you come to such fast conclusion? I'm willing to make corrections.
      Jan 4
  • Amazon deafears
    Get a babysitter, go away for a weekend and ask a lot of questions about her experiences and opinions. Then you'll have a deeper understanding of her desires and motivations. You'll know if she gave any of them up in order to make a life with you, which you'll appreciate.
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      I know I didn’t take away anything from her. No ambitions, no learning desires, just wants the easy life. No concept of feedback or retrospectives. As I said if I open my mouth about a negative thing it will be hell brakes loose or childish reactions.

      We have done the weekends. But not serious talks comes up. I feel like it’s all fake or just sex (when she wants it).

      I think i see (mostly) narcissist hypocrite.

      Yes, got kids and been a believer of “until death do us apart”. So I tell, I married someone who is bit sick and deal with it myself.

      Back to my question: examples of appreciations?
      Jan 4
  • Google zboB57
    Divorce dude. Life is too short for dealing with these stupid things.
    Jan 4 0
  • I was a stay home partner before I started working. I felt so less motivated to do household work when I was simply sitting at home all day. But after I started working, it has increased my motivation a lot and now I enjoy cooking all my family’s meals everyday. So maybe encouraging her to join some class maybe like yoga can boost her motivation levels.
    Jan 4 3
    • OP
      All thst is past. No interest in work or volunteering ( frustrates me and kids she doesnt do anthrjfb). But tries to be fit.
      Jan 4
    • Ok then you could appreciate on her taking efforts to be fit.
      Jan 4
    • OP
      Thats for herself and be ready and fit to look good to get attention.
      Jan 4
  • Microsoft cout<<
    The way you talk about her in your post/comments sounds like you don’t appreciate her.

    She’s takes care of the kids yet you claim the burden and stress is on you? Really?

    She had no ambitions. Are you sure? Not even ambitions for a better guy?
    Jan 4 6
    • OP
      I cook for kids more than she does. She doesnt work or has no interest in anything other than grandiose.

      I'm sure she wishes I was a top level executive ( to show off) or made a couple.of startup exists for money and pride.
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Are u Indian or is ur wife Indian?
      Jan 4
    • OP
      Yes both are. No, not arranged marriage.
      Jan 4
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Then u r fked! Hard to divorce due to archiac laws n staying together a headache
      Jan 4
    • OP
      either of us are not Indian citizens.
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft Courtana
      Then what's stopping u from getting divorced? It's hard but it's better for ur health n wellbeing
      Jan 6
  • OP
    Not asking how you show appreciation! What are the things you appreciate your wife for?
    Jan 4 2
    • New MsWorld
      As a woman, I would love if my partner appreciates me for the little things I do for him - like if she reminded you of an important work document you may have otherwise missed at home, or the time she motivated you to go to the gym, or when she took care of your parents, or when she woke you up so you don't miss that work call, or the time she bought you a new shirt, or when she kept your fav food ready before you returned from work.
      Jan 4
    • OP
      Thank you!
      Jan 4
  • Cadence Why’s
    Appreciate that you come home to home cooked meals, Clean house, and laundry done. And household necessities are always replenished so it never occurs to you that toilet paper could ever run out. She manages the household schedules so you never need to worry about kids doctors appts, bday parties, and having to take the kids to their extracurricular activities.
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      I do my own laundry. Food cooked may 2 or 3 times,a week. I make sure all bathrooms have toilet paper. I supply.water bottles to her bed side. I mKe the bed.

      One kid in college and other in Highschool. So not much activities or has stopped after the first kid.

      I check sons school work and tutor. She yells at him when his scores are.down..

      So?
      Jan 4
  • Amazon Baano
    It is mostly mid life crisis. It happens. Donot think divorce or anything; bad for family ultimately and u 2.

    Yes, talking does not help here. Spending time with family does. There is always a sense of insecurity and Facebook usually aggravates thus feeling.

    Obviously, spending money is not a solution but small gifts do help. I let me wife have 300-400 dollars all to herself when she was not working. Though small amount but it made her feel valued.

    Sometimes, having a lunch during office hours and asking her to meet team also helps. It makes her feel that you consider her not something that u just need at home.
    Jan 4 1
  • Apple UPRa63
    TC?
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      425k. 20 years in the valley on single income.
      Jan 4
  • Square gHAD84
    Divorce
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      Afer 2x years, thought has seriously come up in my head. Going to start counseling by myself as she wont come ( too perfect, no faults in her, nerver says sorry). I will have to tell work related stress and need help
      Jan 4
  • Zendesk / Eng ninja0072
    She's cheating on you
    Jan 4 2
    • OP
      Maybe! She did flirt on phone and come said sorry and blamed me within.10 seconds.
      Jan 4
    • Zendesk / Eng ninja0072
      Flirted with whom? On text?
      Jan 4
  • It sounds like you are very frustrated and not able to think clearly. Could you maybe take a break and spend some time alone or with your friends? Do you have a trusted friend/ sibling who knows both of you well and can look at the situation objectively? You need some one real to talk to.
    Jan 4 1
    • OP
      Can't due to family dynamics ( based on her). No fiends close by as she puts everyone down unless she sees class I them :(
      Jan 4
  • OP
    I go on by saying thank God it's not worse! So I guess I should appreciate she is not worse!!
    Jan 5 0
  • VMware bluntest
    Thanks for being born.
    Jan 5 0
  • OP
    My original question was genuine. I wanted to know from others to see what I might be overlooking to appreciate!!
    Jan 5 0

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