I dont feel loved by wife. What should I do?
I dont feel loved by wife. At times, I yearn for love and affection from my wife. With stressful work and rat race, I feel the love and affection from my partner are what would make me feel content in life. Else I feel like a money making machine. Following are the things why i feel my wife does not love me: - She never shows interest on things I am interested in. - She never shows involvement in my problems and struggles. Never tries to understand what I am up to. Never shows concern over hardships even it is of household matters. She just dont care how I do. She just wants get things done. - my wife is a home maker. She takes care of cooking part of ours. i am a foodie. In 5 years of married life, she has never cooked me my favorite dish and expressed love that she has prepared just for me. I have asked her once in a while to cook certain dishes for me. But, she never cares. Note that food is not my problem. I just want to experience her love. Food is just a medium. - Seldom kisses me, even during sex. Sex is rare between us (once in a month or two probably). She is not much interested in sex. I am do things in opposite way on the above points. I do help her in kitchen and house chores. Whenever she wished something, I do whatever it takes to fulfill it behind the scene and surprise her. I kiss her a lot, barely missing a day. It is always me who initiate sex. I have talked with her all about this. She doesn't take it seriously. Our marriage otherwise doesn't have any serious issues. Just monotony kills me. I dont know if my feelings are even valid. What should I do? Please put in comments. No trolls please. TC : 220K. South Indian couple (if that matters) Fully Arranged marriage with one year old kid
Are you out of shape? I see so many Indian engineers with a bulging gut these days.
That's tough man! What did she say when you talked about this? Was yours arranged marriage?
Yes. Arranged marriage. When I talked, she doesn't show seriousness. Says lame jokes or quick excuses and gets away
Try counseling. From what you said, it seems like she doesn't have any interest! Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship. Just GTFO if there are no changes even after counseling!
Maybe she wants to work too. Staying at home must be so boring for her also.
No she doesn't want to. I am pretty sure.
Not everyone expresses love the same way. Also, I would say you may have better luck by learning more about her likes and dislikes.
Get a girlfriend then get her a boyfriend
Which part of "No trolls please" didn't you get?
I'm serious! You both will find out what you like and that'll help determine if you should stay together.
Apart from the lecture that arranged marriages often end up this way, I’d say you need to spend time talking to your wife instead of blind. Your wife doesn’t sound happy either. What are you doing for her happiness? What extra effort do you make to make her feel special. The obvious secret to marriage is it’s not a business contract. You have to work at it. Constantly. Otherwise it ends up on a decaying autopilot of obligation.
To be fair, I don’t understand why you didn’t think of this when you went for an arranged marriage. It’s called arranged for a reason, the marriage will carry out as a business relationship where the common goal is to share a household and that’s about it. It seems your wife is playing a really good part in it by leading the household, and you should play your part by bringing the dough home. There’s no love required, otherwise it would have been a love marriage. I respect cultures but seriously, I don’t understand why anyone these days would go for an arranged marriage. It seems so backwards. I’m white an I’m in a “love” relationship fwiw.
I also feel that way for arranged marriage. But, i dont have any other choice apart from fixing it somehow. Dating and finding another girl is not all option for me.
Why finding someone else not an option? I might be naive but I really buy into the “your happiness first” of the western culture. after you’re dead, nobody will remember you anyway, so you might as well be happy in the few decades you have left.
How old is the kid? Was your relationship like this even before having a kid? Lots of women feel distant from their spouses after having a baby and it remains like that for a few years. But shouldn't last too long. Maybe you need to be more her "type". Be yourself but widen your interests to include hers. Go for a nice vacation, give her a break from chores, hire a sitter once a month and spend time - just the two of you. Monotony has to be consciously broken, it doesn't break on it's own. Maybe join a gym, both of you with a child care facility. After working out for a few months, you both feel fitter, probably a good time to get her some lingerie. In general, you both need to do shared activities with common goals. Still possible with 1 kid, hard to do with 2. You haven't tried everything, so you haven't tried enough.
Thanks for suggestions. Our kid is 1 year old
Yeah 1 year is too less. She has gone thru giving birth to another human - not an easy feat! And is full of motherly love. Given how her delivery was, all the sleepless nights with the baby, her mind and body are probably not ready for sex. Give it sometime. Tell her how beautiful her body is despite of going thru so much. Be patient and empathetic. Good luck!
Arranged marriage?
Yes
Do arranged marriages mostly all result in a love marriage? Honest question, I'm not familiar with this experience. I would think to the things that brought you together to reignite the relationship. In your case if it is was family, are the family gatherings better? If she never made your favorite dish, I would ask, what is it that your wife desires? You mentioned your needs alot and didn't mention what she enjoys. Perhaps traveling, or teaching or doing something. If you want to be happy with your wife, you must find what makes her happy.