I dont feel loved by wife. What should I do?

Cavium Vp416@jki
May 15 137 Comments

I dont feel loved by wife. At times, I yearn for love and affection from my wife. With stressful work and rat race, I feel the love and affection from my partner are what would make me feel content in life. Else I feel like a money making machine.

Following are the things why i feel my wife does not love me:

- She never shows interest on things I am interested in.

- She never shows involvement in my problems and struggles. Never tries to understand what I am up to. Never shows concern over hardships even it is of household matters. She just dont care how I do. She just wants get things done.

- my wife is a home maker. She takes care of cooking part of ours. i am a foodie. In 5 years of married life, she has never cooked me my favorite dish and expressed love that she has prepared just for me. I have asked her once in a while to cook certain dishes for me. But, she never cares. Note that food is not my problem. I just want to experience her love. Food is just a medium.

- Seldom kisses me, even during sex. Sex is rare between us (once in a month or two probably). She is not much interested in sex.

I am do things in opposite way on the above points. I do help her in kitchen and house chores. Whenever she wished something, I do whatever it takes to fulfill it behind the scene and surprise her. I kiss her a lot, barely missing a day. It is always me who initiate sex.

I have talked with her all about this. She doesn't take it seriously.

Our marriage otherwise doesn't have any serious issues. Just monotony kills me.

I dont know if my feelings are even valid.

What should I do? Please put in comments. No trolls please.

TC : 220K. South Indian couple (if that matters) Fully Arranged marriage with one year old kid

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TOP 137 Comments
  • Facebook ⭕w⭕
    Are you out of shape? I see so many Indian engineers with a bulging gut these days.
    May 15 18
    • Facebook ⭕w⭕
      ^ I would say it doesn't matter, but it kind of does actually...
      May 15
    • Google brokeaftbh
      So...
      May 15
    • Apple 🥭es
      FB is right Indians eat a lot , don’t exercise (India is the diabetes capital of the world , despite so much poverty), eat late dinner.
      They have no concept of exercise, in India people laugh when you say you will take stairs.
      Some of it is also genes , we used to be mostly farmers some 70 years ago like the Hawaiians and now with the desk job our bodies are bloating.
      May 15
    • Bloomberg 21$aVaE
      Hit the gym. You are probably not as attractive as you think.
      May 15
    • Microsoft jack911
      She is probably banging on the side. Did you have some house repairs recently?
      May 15
  • Oracle 66ggff44
    OP don't listen to these sick guys giving u trash advice. I am South Indian too and gone thru similar feelings. Best way is to take her out on a vacation, do a lot of fun things with her. Hire a sitter or leave the kid with parents etc. Work on your marriage. It is not easy but it's easily solvable. All this trash talk about bf gf second piece etc. should be ignored. Break the monotony of marriage that is important. Trust me many of us have been thru this.
    May 15 4
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      Thanks for the suggestion bro
      May 15
    • Amazon McKnziBzos
      Wife doesn’t care about you, and your solution is to treat her with a vacation?
      Sure, this may further help op realize that his wife really doesn’t care.
      May 15
    • Oracle 66ggff44
      OP I am a woman. so thanks sis!
      May 15
    • PayPal himy
      ^Lol
      May 15
  • New ahdhdb
    To be fair, I don’t understand why you didn’t think of this when you went for an arranged marriage. It’s called arranged for a reason, the marriage will carry out as a business relationship where the common goal is to share a household and that’s about it. It seems your wife is playing a really good part in it by leading the household, and you should play your part by bringing the dough home. There’s no love required, otherwise it would have been a love marriage.

    I respect cultures but seriously, I don’t understand why anyone these days would go for an arranged marriage. It seems so backwards.

    I’m white an I’m in a “love” relationship fwiw.
    May 15 4
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      I also feel that way for arranged marriage. But, i dont have any other choice apart from fixing it somehow.

      Dating and finding another girl is not all option for me.
      May 15
    • New ahdhdb
      Why finding someone else not an option? I might be naive but I really buy into the “your happiness first” of the western culture. after you’re dead, nobody will remember you anyway, so you might as well be happy in the few decades you have left.
      May 15
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      It is hard option. Because

      1. We have a kid already
      2. I am already past the young age (32 now)
      3. Divorce is difficult decision. Need to digest judgment from relatives and society.
      May 15
    • Intel noad
      I don't know why you chose to get an arranged marriage but I assume a part of that is because you wanted to make your parents happy / match their preferences.

      Well...fuck your parents. If they had given any thought towards how an arranged marriage might affect your life in a negative way (to anyone with a brain, yours situation is only to be expected on average case) then maybe they wouldn't have put pressure on you to do this. Or maybe it was internal/artificial pressure to adhere to cultural norms. Fuck cultural norms.

      I'm saying all of this because of point #3. Divorce is difficult yes but don't let your relatives and society and culture get in the way of your happiness. You still have a whole lot of life ahead of you even at this age. You could be with someone who will actually show interest/affection towards you. Imagine how much better your life would be.

      My first choice would be #1 marriage counseling and if that doesn't work then #2 divorce. If I were you and didn't have a kid, then this would be an easy decision.

      Unfortunately...kids make things complicated. :/ But I would still go through the same route.
      May 15
  • Apple cestlevie
    How old is the kid? Was your relationship like this even before having a kid? Lots of women feel distant from their spouses after having a baby and it remains like that for a few years. But shouldn't last too long.

    Maybe you need to be more her "type". Be yourself but widen your interests to include hers. Go for a nice vacation, give her a break from chores, hire a sitter once a month and spend time - just the two of you. Monotony has to be consciously broken, it doesn't break on it's own. Maybe join a gym, both of you with a child care facility. After working out for a few months, you both feel fitter, probably a good time to get her some lingerie. In general, you both need to do shared activities with common goals. Still possible with 1 kid, hard to do with 2. You haven't tried everything, so you haven't tried enough.
    May 15 7
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      Thanks for the perspective
      May 15
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Agree with Apple. Taking care of the child and household may be taking a toll on her, unless you are assisting her. Also, see what interests her and try to follow that.
      May 15
    • Amazon Coatl
      I don't know anything about arranged marriages, but I have 3 kids. And on every single of them my wife's affection towards me declined significantly during the first 3 years of my kids ages. It's only during year 3 that things start to get back to normal both on sex life and displays of affection.
      May 15
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      How long have you guys been married?
      May 15
    • Amazon Coatl
      We have been married for about 17 years now.
      May 15
  • Amazon dajiba
    Is blind turning into indian reddit? why all these indian culture thing? it's 2019 and people are still talking about arranged marriage?
    May 15 2
    • Bank of America GULT1Bvi
      Worse I think it'll be like Quora
      May 15
    • New utahn
      THE CURRENT YEAR!!!
      May 16
  • New / Manufacturing
    drrckcnnr

    New Manufacturing

    BIO
    an Manufacturing Ops guy that's specializes in hardware (electronics) with emphasis on start ups/green Field sites.
    drrckcnnrmore
    Get a girlfriend then get her a boyfriend
    May 15 6
    • New / Manufacturing
      drrckcnnr

      New Manufacturing

      BIO
      an Manufacturing Ops guy that's specializes in hardware (electronics) with emphasis on start ups/green Field sites.
      drrckcnnrmore
      I'm serious! You both will find out what you like and that'll help determine if you should stay together.
      May 15
    • Oracle desigirl
      Troll
      May 15
    • New / Manufacturing
      drrckcnnr

      New Manufacturing

      BIO
      an Manufacturing Ops guy that's specializes in hardware (electronics) with emphasis on start ups/green Field sites.
      drrckcnnrmore
      Not trolling, it's counterintuitive! You guys are just close minded as shit.
      May 15
    • Oracle desigirl
      Shit advice from people like u is what ruins marriages. GTFO
      May 15
    • Amazon / Project
      Yori

      Amazon Project

      PRE
      Apple
      Yorimore
      I’m pretty sure shit marriages is what ruins marriages.
      May 15
  • Google brokeaftbh
    Arranged marriage?
    May 15 2
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      Yes
      May 15
    • Amazon qwertyup
      Do arranged marriages mostly all result in a love marriage? Honest question, I'm not familiar with this experience.
      I would think to the things that brought you together to reignite the relationship. In your case if it is was family, are the family gatherings better?
      If she never made your favorite dish, I would ask, what is it that your wife desires? You mentioned your needs alot and didn't mention what she enjoys. Perhaps traveling, or teaching or doing something.

      If you want to be happy with your wife, you must find what makes her happy.
      May 15
  • Tenable panda10
    Imo this doesn’t really have to do with arranged marriage or marriage for that matter. All relationships can devolve into this state. Girls want the best guy so I’d agree with previous comments about improving yourself, getting in shape, etc. But once you’ve fallen out of ‘desirable’ status I think it’s hard to overturn. Kids and financial matters make it difficult for sure, but I’d consider separation and seeing other girls. 32 IS young actually.
    May 15 12
    • Tenable panda10
      I’m not disagreeing, just saying sometimes we have to step outside of our situation and look at it unemotionally. Nothing wrong with drawing upon existing models / examples. Also, we spend a great number of hours at work, it’s a part of our life.
      May 15
    • Apple cestlevie
      Agreed Oracle. I'm in shock reading all these comments here.
      I think all Blind is good for is to get scoop on very deep matters of life such as FANG interview process, TC, what levels, and similar info.
      May 16
    • Oracle 66ggff44
      Apple part of the issue is majority of the kids using Blind are very young. No life experience. Very immature. Money is not everything. Life is not work.
      May 16
    • Apple cestlevie
      Not just that. It shows how immature young Indian men are.

      And how heavily male skewed is this site (but that's not surprising, given that majority of users here are tech bros).
      May 16
    • Oracle 66ggff44
      true that.. I am a tech mom and I can see that.
      May 16
  • Ascension Health / Eng
    10xUrTC

    Ascension Health Eng

    PRE
    Facebook
    10xUrTCmore
    Where do you live?
    May 15 9
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      @whatever health, sure you are uneducated of history. Europeans never showered daily pre-modern era whereas showering has been daily duty for indians since ancient times. Use Google and your brain

      Your ancestors came here, spread diseases, killed and displaced native Americans.

      Just GTFO.
      May 15
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      Racists like you are blots in humankind. Be a human than being white, black, blue whatever
      May 15
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Intel babubhatt
      Ascension wtf? who hurt you? that is some racist bs
      May 15
    • eBay / Eng Payment2.0
      @cavium tell china that.
      May 15
  • Bloomberg / Eng TREQSlayer
    The Red Pill, not the reddit version. There are some speakers from the 21 convention that have great talks about what you are going through
    May 15 2
    • Bloomberg / Eng TREQSlayer
      Seriously google the names "Texas dom", "Hunter drew" they said the exact things you did. You are the leader of the household and when you fail to lead your wife has resentment for you. Don't listen to the incels who are Blue Pill
      May 15
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Yikes. This head of household thing is such a turn off. I've broken up with every single guy who had this mentality. I've worked hard and can be head of my own house. He better view me as a Co founder, not himself as a "head".
      May 15
  • Oracle 66ggff44
    seriously ascension health u need to be flagged for hate speech and bullying
    May 15 2
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Bloomberg 21$aVaE
    Hit the gym and start looking elsewhere. Life is too short...
    May 15 0
  • That's tough man! What did she say when you talked about this? Was yours arranged marriage?
    May 15 3
    • Cavium Vp416@jki
      OP
      Yes. Arranged marriage. When I talked, she doesn't show seriousness. Says lame jokes or quick excuses and gets away
      May 15
    • Try counseling. From what you said, it seems like she doesn't have any interest! Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship. Just GTFO if there are no changes even after counseling!
      May 15
    • Qualcomm dynasty001
      What kinda lame.jokes ?
      May 15
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    It's possible she isn't attracted to you but loves you as a human being and appreciates you as a husband.. so she won't divorce or cheat but she can't fake attraction. In an arranged marriage there's no way to test this. Do you think this might be a possiblity?
    May 15 1
  • Microsoft whadaheck
    You have one year old child - that explains everything. You don’t mention anything about childcare so I assume she does most of the work. That is like the old fashioned way where the couple stops having a romantic life after kids. Modern family can be passionate about each other and that doesn’t come free. You gotta be a partner in raising a kid. I change diapers, make my kids go to bed, feed them, play with them after work and take them to parks on weekends. I leave my stay home mom wife at home to give her 3-8 hours of free time on each day of weekend. Basically I put much more time than my wife on weekends. My wife still feels tired but when she is not, we have more fun.

    Your wife is totally exhausted. Working mom has hard time but stay-home mom should fight for boredom and lack of motivation unless she is really into raising (which could turn her into tiger mom).

    But it could be her. You put so much time into raising your kid but she doesn’t appreciate it and demands more and more. She could be a lazy person who doesn’t have good motivation to do anything with passion. Then, perhaps not much you can do about it. It is very hard to change someone.
    May 15 0
  • Ciena / Eng g7jptp
    Take a Vacation , spend couple of days somewhere romantic. Don't worry too much. Everything will be ok after sometime..
    May 15 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Oracle OCfJ82
    Not everyone expresses love the same way. Also, I would say you may have better luck by learning more about her likes and dislikes.
    May 15 0
  • New tQIi02
    God, how are arranged marriages still a thing? I come from Eastern European shithole, and even to me arranged marriages seem medieval.
    May 15 7
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Huh no way. Those years are long gone. You are talking about the 1980s. Now people meet, take their time to understand, and see if they like each other, but the 'intent' is to get married if they both like each other.
      May 15
    • New ahdhdb
      Shit that sounds so awful. I would never want my parents even remotely involved into my dating life lol.
      May 15
    • New tQIi02
      Doesn't sound as bad, but still terrible. That's basically a recipe for bad marriage.
      May 15
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Why's that a receipe for bad marriage?
      May 15
    • New / Eng
      10yoe250k

      New Eng

      PRE
      Google
      10yoe250kmore
      Are you one of those eastern europeans that are only good at programming and beating other people? No wonder you are talking like this.
      May 15