For our entire (17 year) relationship, my wife doesn’t like to have sex often - maybe 2-3 times a month tops - and she can go years without it with no difficulty (we had a dry spell that lasted over 5 years). So often she had been saying she is “too tired,” so out of exasperation one day, I suggested “What if I do all the work?” and all of a sudden... She’s now been willing to have sex up to 4 times a week and is game for whatever “as long as she doesn’t have to move” (she clearly enjoys it in spite of being tired). Is this normal? An upgrade? What do you think of the situation?
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Her mother also lives with us so we get a fair amount of help there.
Thanks for the suggestion though.
I am not complaining, but this is the way my wife is. Actually what’s weird is she’ll lie there in a suggestive way, and it can be kind of hot sometimes. What’s also weird is that the only time she’s ever been able to orgasm is when she’s this tired and I do all the work. Who knows why...
You have been together for all this time so you should know everything about her sexual preferences.
Don’t people talk about these things? Experiment, ask, try pushing things, go and buy a bunch of toys.
Have you tried strangling her? Tie her up? Maybe she likes you to do the work because she enjoys feeling powerless for a moment.
Or this can happen because she doesn't 'want it', but she is only 'willing to have it because you want it'. If someone wants to have sex, they will be actively involved. If someone is willing to have it, there's a probability they will be passive during the act.
You have to take her from the willing mode to wanting more gradually. Remember, someone's sexual involvement isn't just a function of their sex drive but also happiness quotient in general. Try making her happy by taking off some of the load, taking her on vacation, getting her spa, and spending some time with her minus the kids and mom?
Did you try doing more foreplay than jumping into intercourse, if that's what she used to like more? Great foreplay can really turn on some people
We have weekly date night just the two of us (for 2-2.5 hours) so we get enough alone time. We take vacations periodically. She doesn’t like spas, but likes little outings (which we do). We do a lot of the “date your spouse stuff”.
Usually we wait until the kids are asleep (younger one is in preschool and still not sleeping through the night) so sometimes we jump ahead to avoid being interrupted by the audio monitor. I’ll give extra foreplay a try and make her wait for it.
Worst advice ever looool
Also, she could add a vibrator during sex and that would likely bump the orgasm rate up. If that happens you may find her a more enthusiastic partner
It wasn’t about a selfishness to have sex. I love my wife and she’s my best friend, but for years we were sexually incompatible and it was a sticking point (mostly, never in the mood at the same time). We’ve finally discovered something that works for us (there are times she wants to and I’m the one who is willing; and as I mentioned in the post, the reverse is more often the case), but it seemed weird and unconventional.
What did you mean by “graze out”? I never heard that expression before.