Improved sex life or a step down?

Amazon / Eng boggled
Jun 2, 2018 57 Comments

For our entire (17 year) relationship, my wife doesn’t like to have sex often - maybe 2-3 times a month tops - and she can go years without it with no difficulty (we had a dry spell that lasted over 5 years). So often she had been saying she is “too tired,” so out of exasperation one day, I suggested “What if I do all the work?” and all of a sudden... She’s now been willing to have sex up to 4 times a week and is game for whatever “as long as she doesn’t have to move” (she clearly enjoys it in spite of being tired). Is this normal? An upgrade? What do you think of the situation?

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TOP 57 Comments
  • Amazon / Eng Jeffmire
    She needs some black dick homie get me in there
    Jun 2, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Eng Jail Bait
      You want a black dick? You got it in there.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Facebook Iter
    Congrats to you 🎊🎉🎈
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • The simple answer is your wife is a “lazy fuck”.
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • Google Peach🍑
    Help her with kids more often so she is less tired? Or hire a babysitter a couple days a week to give her a break?
    Jun 2, 2018 3
    • Chevron Corporation / Eng Fsgm51
      I’d put some effort on this front
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      That’s a good idea. I travel a lot for work and work long hours so helping directly with the kids more isn’t always possible - but it’s a good suggestion. Thank you.

      Her mother also lives with us so we get a fair amount of help there.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • New / Other ↔️
      Umm I know I wouldn't feel that sexual if I see my mom all day and know that she is closeby all the time 😶
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Adobe acrobat
    Is she overweight? Does she have a thyroid issue? She needs to find out why she’s too tired often - start with asking her ob gyn to run some tests including for thyroid function.
    Jun 2, 2018 4
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      She’s pretty thin and had her thyroid checked previously (it came back normal). She isn’t just tired for no reason; at the end of the day watching two kids, taking them to activities, etc, I can understand it.

      Thanks for the suggestion though.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon Gamt
      I prefer morning sex but bad breath ruins the game
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Expedia / Eng (-_/\_-)
      Lol..morning ones are longer if you have noticed.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Microsoft MEXm75
      Omg try thera breath. It’s a mouthwash. I used to have the worst morning breath ever and Thera breath eliminates it completely! They have it at most stores including amazon
      Jun 8, 2018
  • Axtria kzHh222
    If my bf was on blind, he would probably relate to you and ask the same question 😂
    Jun 2, 2018 5
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Why the sad face?

      I am not complaining, but this is the way my wife is. Actually what’s weird is she’ll lie there in a suggestive way, and it can be kind of hot sometimes. What’s also weird is that the only time she’s ever been able to orgasm is when she’s this tired and I do all the work. Who knows why...
      Jun 2, 2018
    • New / Other Hgyikjkk
      What do you mean “who knows why?”.

      You have been together for all this time so you should know everything about her sexual preferences.

      Don’t people talk about these things? Experiment, ask, try pushing things, go and buy a bunch of toys.

      Have you tried strangling her? Tie her up? Maybe she likes you to do the work because she enjoys feeling powerless for a moment.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      I think some of it was in how she was raised. At the beginning of our relationship she believed sex was for the pleasure of men and she didn’t really think about it for her own pleasure. It’s taken a long time to get over that and to elicit any of her preferences in this area.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Axtria kzHh222
      It can either be just the way she likes it, but I guess this behavior has not always been the case for your wife.

      Or this can happen because she doesn't 'want it', but she is only 'willing to have it because you want it'. If someone wants to have sex, they will be actively involved. If someone is willing to have it, there's a probability they will be passive during the act.

      You have to take her from the willing mode to wanting more gradually. Remember, someone's sexual involvement isn't just a function of their sex drive but also happiness quotient in general. Try making her happy by taking off some of the load, taking her on vacation, getting her spa, and spending some time with her minus the kids and mom?

      Did you try doing more foreplay than jumping into intercourse, if that's what she used to like more? Great foreplay can really turn on some people
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      This has been an issue for most of our relationship, not just marriage. we’ve known each other since our late teens, so at least part of this has to be how she is/was raised rather than something in our relationship.

      We have weekly date night just the two of us (for 2-2.5 hours) so we get enough alone time. We take vacations periodically. She doesn’t like spas, but likes little outings (which we do). We do a lot of the “date your spouse stuff”.

      Usually we wait until the kids are asleep (younger one is in preschool and still not sleeping through the night) so sometimes we jump ahead to avoid being interrupted by the audio monitor. I’ll give extra foreplay a try and make her wait for it.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Visa shaolin
    Dude, hire a maid.
    Jun 2, 2018 3
    • Adobe acrobat
      For sex or cleaning?
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Visa shaolin
      As a chess piece in 9 dimensional mind game with the wifey.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Adobe acrobat
      😳
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng mrAmaze
    Omg 5 year dry spell? I would have had a serious talk with her after a month or two and if nothing changed, would have left her within the first year.
    Jun 2, 2018 2
    • Expedia / Eng (-_/\_-)
      Lol that's what normal persons do..op seems to have realized after such a long time ;-) and that means 'something' about him
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      What do you mean it means “something” about me? I love her and she’s also my best friend. That 5 year period sucked and we were both on antidepressants during part of it. Honestly, if our marriage could survive that, it could survive most things.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Microsoft RQwG33
    She’s cheating on you. Dump her tiny ass and fuck girls in 20s

    Worst advice ever looool
    Jun 2, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Eng Jail Bait
      You 20 years old?
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Chase fnWL34
    One thing no one else has mentioned but if she is on an anti-depressant, it kills your sex drive.
    Jun 2, 2018 3
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Yes she is on one. That’s a very good point, and she has since we were together. I hadn’t considered that.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Uber Drive
      So you are the cause of her depression? No wonder she doesn’t like having sex with you
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Syntax error. Good grief what a difference one word makes: she was on antidepressants since before we were together.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Intuit JFCz80
    Can you elaborate more about being tired ? Does she work for FB? What is the TC
    Jun 2, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Stay at home mom working part time (5-10 hours) as a teacher. We have two kids, which I know is a lot of work.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Amazon Jexx
    Establish this frequency as the new normal. Then over time maybe you can introduce other minor changes that could add up over time.

    Also, she could add a vibrator during sex and that would likely bump the orgasm rate up. If that happens you may find her a more enthusiastic partner
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng
    Hooliganss

    Amazon Eng

    BIO
    AWS
    Hooliganssmore
    I don’t think it’s normal, but I’ve been in that position. I was able to teach my partner to at least put some effort into it. It is really odd though.
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • Expedia / Eng (-_/\_-)
    Based on your age it's a big upgrade but for people like me we share all work and everything is normal in everything. No complaints. I feel your selfishness to have sex has made you open up your thinking and now found the solution :-) good that you didn't graze out.
    Jun 2, 2018 1
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      I’m in my late 30s. How old did you think I was?

      It wasn’t about a selfishness to have sex. I love my wife and she’s my best friend, but for years we were sexually incompatible and it was a sticking point (mostly, never in the mood at the same time). We’ve finally discovered something that works for us (there are times she wants to and I’m the one who is willing; and as I mentioned in the post, the reverse is more often the case), but it seemed weird and unconventional.

      What did you mean by “graze out”? I never heard that expression before.
      Jun 2, 2018
  • Intuit same-thing
    Very common. Could be due to hormones or stress related. At least once a month you need to have sex.
    Jun 3, 2018 0
  • Google Zm7bHj
    So if she isn’t really moving anyways, you all should really get some restraints to spice things up
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • Compass / Eng
    FUPayMe

    Compass Eng

    PRE
    Google
    FUPayMemore
    Count your blessings.
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • New yNlA45
    She has a flexidoll fetish
    Jun 2, 2018 0
  • Visa shaolin
    Once again Amazon guy, hire a maid. Pamper your wife. Get mucho kinky bad ass spine tingling sex. Give me your word homie.
    Jun 8, 2018 3
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Didn’t hire a maid but did talk about this stuff with her last week. Talking is a big turn on for her.... Our count is at 4 over the past 7 days. And yeah, it was spine tingling sex.
      Jun 8, 2018
    • Visa shaolin
      My man. You dirty man. Also, ask her if any of her dress needs dry cleaning. And, without telling her take all her shoes out and start cleaning them. I promise you will win a blowjob. Also, tell her lets skype her parents this weekend.
      Jun 8, 2018
    • Amazon Jexx
      Congrats, boggled! Let’s hope for a future of more open communication.
      Jun 8, 2018
  • Amazon wpa2
    What’s the reason her sex drive went up? My wife isn’t interested at all and I wish hers had gone up.
    Jun 2, 2018 3
    • Amazon Jexx
      It sounds like it didn’t, just that OP found a way to work with his wife accommodating, rather that being a more active participant.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng boggled
      OP
      Her drive didn’t go up, but she was willing to accommodate more. About 30-40% of the time she would get into it too and then be more active. Maybe it’s an inertia thing: not enough drive to start but enough interest to continue.
      Jun 2, 2018
    • Amazon Jexx
      That is an absolutely common thing (and more common with women) that has been researched. Getting revved up can require more - and starting with some attention can then lead to more interest.
      Jun 2, 2018

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