I'm just venting. Shitty situation. My wife has been depressed for a long while (4 years or so) she refused medication for a long time and recently finally started on some. (A big part of dealing with depression was admitting she was depressed) Anyways she has been emerging from her she'll which is great. What isn't great is now on the other side of depression she feels a huge need for 'physical connection' as in more sex than I can provide and basically decided she needs to be poly. Tried it, it isn't for me and now we are getting divorced. Sucks to help someone through something for so long and just hope it will break and you get to see fully the person you fell in love with emerge, have it finally happen and then have it ripped away. I'm not bitter, I hope she is happy but it sucks still.
Sorry bro. Hang in there. Hug!
Rough situation to be in, but you are truly a good person for helping her get out of it. Make sure when it’s over it’s fully over and do not take her back if this turns out to be a “phase”. At the end of the day, your life is your life and you deserve happiness too.
If she needs that much 'physical connection'.. That only means her depression is way from over. Probably getting even worse under the disguise of medicals which is temporary. That 'physical connection' is now becoming one way for her to escape reality, which means depression is still there. Now it is the time for both of you to figure a better way out.
I've expressed this concern, but all her general depression seems to be truly doing better. It's a process she is working through for sure. The physical connection thing isn't out if the blue either it was something that always felt a little lopsided it's just magnified more now.
So many things everyone has to learn. If someone won't seek treatment, it's not your job to help them. Cut them loose. You could have saved yourself three years of grief. If they are demanding other partners and that's not your thing, cut them loose, etc.
It wasn't my job. I love and care for her and helped her get better because I wanted to. It wasn't without good moments. I was open to trying things, it turned out it's not for me and she can't go back so we are going are going our own ways.
Hmm kind of sounds like bipolar disorder.
It really does. Sounds like she’s going through mania now.
I would agree here.. I think you guys could try couples counseling and get an outside perspective. People with one mental disorder are more likely to have another one. Called comorbidity. Try to get her evaluated by someone very good, and also do couples counseling if she’s open. Otherwise you have to let her go. I had to do that. It wasn’t easy but people make their own decisions :(
It sounds a bit like sunken cost fallacy here. You want a ROI. It’s not going to happen unfortunately. I fell into that trap once and stayed in a relationship longer than necessary.
Man. That would have hurt! Get out of that marriage now and start prioritising your life.
Don’t waste your time. Get out ASAP. I made this mistake when I was younger. During mania the sex was incredible and risky. Truly great. But it same with so much baggage. I also tried to do the “fixer upper”. Huge mistake. Fortunately I met someone substantially better.
I moved out and got myself my own place last month, we are working on finalizing details of the divorce. It still sucks though.
If you can, remain cordial. Financially she has you by the balls and it's important for you to understand that. It will be tempting to lash out, but try to think long term. If you can talk her into forgoing alimony that'd be a huge win.
Kids?
Nope neither of us wanted kids, so at least that is not an issue.