Met this dude on a dating website 6 months back. He pursued me and we met almost daily for 6 months. Both of us work at Amazon, him in AWS, live in downtown Seattle. So are pretty close to each other. We discussed everything from family, ambitions, fear, past relationships, career, and even call each other up for anything imp that happens in our lives. Told him yesterday that I have feelings for him. It was bothering me that I haven't put a label to this situation for so long and I'm exclusively seeing him as well. Also, I care about him. He didn't react well. Closed off. Says he needs more time. What does this mean? Should I cut my losses? I really like this person, but seeing him exclusively and not being considered a girlfriend is driving me crazy and making me cry. I'm 37, he's 40.
Holy shit, 6 months and nothing official? I'd have given up months ago
What's wrong with organic relationships?
Just not my style. If I was seeing someone daily and it was as serious as OP makes it sound, I'd prefer to know both people were on the same page by defining the relationship in some way. Whether as serious or fuckbuddies or whatever
Give him some time to sort things out the ask for his feelings in like a week. Try to not contact him during this time.
Men and their confusings! I wish I didn't have to pursue them...seriously!
I know!
Then just select from a wider group of men. Stop with your misandry.
Depends, what’s his TC ?
Both of us make in the 400k range.
Tell him you found a new guy making 500K and he can have fun closing off. 6 months with no label is dumb unless you agreed to be fwb
You are thinking too much, let him take his time and come up with what he feels. Sometimes, conversations can be unexpected and need some time to be digested, and ponder over where you stand, what you want, are you ready to step into the new phase, is it infatuation or do you want to convert it into a relationship. There are a lot of things, I think it's a positive thing that he is taking time to think about it and not give quick decisions in the moment
Thanks. How can I straddle giving time but not too much time?
Go ahead and start seeing other people. Assume the worst but keep the door open to a change of mind.
Did you have an agreement for being exclusive? Or was it just something that YOU decided? If it was your own decision, I'd say it'd be on you if things don't work out. Take responsibility for your decisions.
I mean where's the time to see another person if you spend your emotional energy on one person. Like meet every day. I assume both of us aren't seeing other people because we just meet so often.
It wasn't an agreement if your asking that
Can you actually ‘fall in love’ at 37. Isn’t that something that stops happening after 30?
I've no f'ing clue. Surprised myself.
I have never found love, isn't it like alien invasion? FML
Did you guys sleep together or was this just platonic friends thing? If you didn’t sleep together, he might have thought you’re just being good friends, hanging out and whatnot.
No we didn't get sexual. However few months back he did allude to the idea that this isn't pure friendship as well.
Wait, 6 months and no sex? Yeah y’all ain’t exclusive at all
Has he ever been married? Have you?
One of us has been
Assuming it’s him, correct me if I’m wrong. Is he over that relationship, is he open to new relationships? Does he just want the familiarity and someone to share things with in a (slightly more than) platonic way?
Give him time, but timebox it. Good luck.
How much should I timebox? I already love him. Can't say it though.
I feel like 4 - 6 weeks should be fine.