Is it just me or anyone else has felt this way? - Every time the meeting runs in a similar way. - It’s just the manager talking for most part and justifying you’re not up to the mark. (Not being objective what that mark really is. V2MOM never discussed) - Any point you throw to your defense is brushed aside as a small stuff (tells you nothing to brag) - Almost shut you off and you only nod. When you feel threatened to speak and intimidated with this kind of toxic situation for a long time, what’s the best way forward?
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a negative experience. Was this related to a performance review or was this a one-off feedback meeting related to a specific event?
This is recurring 1-1 nothing specific
I do not feel like that at all. I am also not the most polite person on Earth but you should speak up.
You can’t. I’ve had exactly similar experiences and everything said during 1-1 is not written or recorded so dickhead managers go ballistic. My manager trying to push me out has said one too many things in most of our 1-1s which outright insulted me but I have no proof. And ES will always back him up than me.
Time to start looking elsewhere
Trying to defend against negative feedback is counterproductive. It doesn't matter if feedback rings true to you or not. A very smart person once told me - Perception of a problem is a prpblem
If this is a recurring pattern in your 1-1’s then I think you have a few options (In no particular order): 1- Do nothing different and continue to suffer; reserve your venting for Blind app users only Not ideal) 2- Go to ES with your notes from several 1-1’s and ask for someone to meet with you and your Manager at the same time to help open up a more productive dialogue together. 3- Review your notes from the last few 1-1’s with your Manager. Is there a recurring theme to the feedback that you can tie back to your V2MOM? If your Manager’s feedback is not objective then try to ask clarifying questions that tie the feedback back to your V2MOM. Try adding additional metrics that, if completed, will address your Manager’s feedback. This can also become your ‘documentation’ of prior 1-1’s in case you need it later. 4- Are you friends with any other Managers you could meet with to get their objective point of view? Your Manager might have valid feedback about a performance issue but your personalities could clash which would make it difficult to be objective. 5- You could OOM Bottom line is this.... If you’re not getting the feedback you need to improve your performance then it’s up to you to be proactive and ask for it. That feedback can come from your Manager, other Managers, or your Mentors. If your Manager is just a “jerk” then find another team. If your Manager is a jerk to everyone then pretty soon your Manager will not have a team left to manage! I hope this helps!
Thanks. Your write up really helps. 3 & 4 I can think of considering. This is exactly why I posted on Blind - to get a perspective. Thanks again
what is OOM and ES? sane advice btw
This is the norm these days in bay area to destroy people’s confidence and keep them from looking outside
It's a primer to "manage out" people
I'm usually the one running my 1:1s? I just go in with a big list of topics, but the first one is always whether my manager has any feedback and he usually doesn't
I also don't think of myself as a high performer
Woah. Never thought someone else could articulate my exact environment. But yes. I face very similar situation at work.
Very sad :(
Micromanaging managers reveal how very insecure they are. Seems like your case is similar. Don’t make the mistake of taking him seriously. I did the same thing and lost all the confidence I had in myself. Just OOM out or find some other place. ASAP.