Partners and dogs
I'm trying to get opinions on this. My bf doesn't want to be responsible for my dog. He says that "I wouldn't get a dog unless I had a yard. So I'm not comfortable with taking responsibility for it. It's your dog. " When he does wfh from my place, he won't take the dog out to relieve itself. He won't walk the dog. He won't pick up poop from the ground and because of this won't take the dog out because he doesn't want to have to deal with the event if it pooping. We are talking about marriage. We have tons of issues but this is one of them. I told him, that for me being married would mean that we accept and take on if needed each other's responsibilities. Financial, family, etc. That I don't feel like marrying if he will be so hands off my dog and that if we share a household he will be a dog owner as well. He obviously doesn't agree. I'm not sure what's normal. He doesn't like the breed and doesn't like to have one in the apartment. But this dog has been mine for a while now. Edit: forgot to include this piece of info. I got the dog after our relationship started when we were still long distance. We don't live together yet but in the same city. But discussions towards marriage have started.
This would be a deal breaker for me. It’s very selfish of him and I’m sure that this behavior would translate into parenting and other life impacting things. The dog was part of the package.
I don’t agree with this. I am bringing a cat into my relationship and I expect to do all of the work for maintaining his life, because thats what I signed up for when I got him. The cat is part of my package deal, yes, so my partner has to like him and get along with him. But that doesn’t mean she has to do the work of maintaining his life. To me it sounds entitled to “expect” your partner to take on your responsibilities. You can ask, sure, but expecting it is another level.
To be fair, cats take far far less work than dogs do
Dump him, find someone that doesn't suck. TC?
380k around
Why you want to know TC to answer relationships question? Just curious
I’m with you. He may not want a dog. But you come with one. If he’s unwilling to take on some of the responsibility I’d have serious concerns. Maybe not 50% but he has to make some sacrifices for it. I’d say it’s fair game for him to say I don’t want another dog after this one. But that’s a decision you two can make together. What breed?
Bull terrier rescue. I'm ok with being financially responsible completely. My dog has a ton of vet bills. But occasional walking him so that I don't have to pay rover dot com is something I'd like. Not even walking, just take her out to relieve herself. Don't know if that's too much to expect.
Your SO is rejecting Spuds McKenzie? That speaks volumes.
Dog is part of the package. Dump him.
In short your potential fiance won't support you or do simple favors? If not liking animals isnt bad enough how is that not a deal breaker lol.
So much this. I find it difficult to understand people who dislike animals. I understand some are scared or traumatised by animals and don’t feel comfortable around them, but disinterest/callousness is a totally different deal(breaker).
Some people can literally die from being around pets. It's not a fucking scared thing. It's fucking biology.
FYI People don't change. I understand both sides. I hate taking care of my significant others dog, but that's cause we both work from home and he has the time. I would also be annoyed if I didn't like dogs (and sounds like they don't). Have you thought about pee pads or grass patches? Ultimately getting a place where you can have a dog door is great. I bought a place for this exact purpose. I would leave someone if they didn't get along with my 🐕
I would say, dont expect him to take care of the dog. Some people don’t like dogs. You must have taken care of your dog before him, just continue to do that. I know it is very selfish of him to not let the dog out when he is working from home, once you stop expecting, you would be at a better place emotionally.
Not wanting to take care of the dog isn’t so much an issue as not being willing to ever do it. Relationships and marriages often involve putting up with a lot of shit (sometimes literally!), no one does it because they enjoy it but because sometimes you have to put some effort into it, and meet the other person halfway. Ops post doesn’t paint a flattering picture of the bf tbh.
While I agree with the responsibilities ideal, not all relationships work this way, nor does any one relationship embody that in every aspect. This is the point of engagement and dating, you each figure out what matters to you and what you can live with. It sounds like he doesn’t want to share in this responsibility. Is this something endemic to his personality? Is this a red flag? Only you would know. If not, and he’s a great partner otherwise, then you would have to decide if this is a hill you are willing to die on. I can see where he’s coming from. Personally, I’m bringing a long-time pet cat into an engagement. I expect to fully take on all responsibilities for the cat for its lifetime because thats what I signed up for when I got him. I wouldn’t expect my partner to help out. I can understand why he’s rejecting your expectation, because why would you get a dog if you don’t plan on doing everything to take care of it? “Sharing responsibility” sounds a lot like just pawning off work to someone else who never signed up for the work initially. The way you come off is: we come as a package deal, if you want to date me you also have to do all this extra work. In that case, its better to be upfront about it and decide if you guys can work it out or go your separate ways.
If you went out of town, would you expect your partner to do simple things like empty the litter box and put food into the bowl? Or would you hire help? Just asking to learn a new perspective. For me, he doesn't take care of the dog when I'm out of town - I pay for dog sitting. I even pay for dog walking. But when he works from my home (he does wfh a lot) I find it odd that he won't agree to taking the dog out to pee/ poop once during the day. It could save me 45$. Not a big deal- I can afford, but it makes me feel less close to him.
I think this is a simplistic view of relationships. I came into my relationship thinking I’d always do my own laundry. While it’s not a deal breaker that my wife does some of my laundry (and I do hers sometimes too) I assume she will sometimes. It’s easier for both of us if we share responsibilities. My wife brought a cat into our relationship. I hate cats but I deal. She usually cleans the litter box. But when she was pregnant I did. Should I have refused because “you signed up for it when you adopted a cat”?
First world problems 🙄
Either meet somewhere on common ground or realize this type of compromise will be critical to marriage and you should move on now.