Splitting the bill on a first date??

Cadence / Eng
pretzle

Cadence Eng

PRE
Intel Corporation
pretzlemore
Sep 15 75 Comments

How has who picks the bill on first/second dates changed?
A recent conversation with a friend got me a bit surprised when he absolutely won't pay for his date; even if it's a cheap date like a tea/coffee.

Women - I wanna hear from you as well. So once polls are posted they can't be edited lol; wasn't intentional to Target polls only to the male humans

Update: thanks people of blind! Poll results gave me a decent picture.

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TOP 75 Comments
  • IBM / Eng namastayyy
    don't go to dinner on a first date noob
    Sep 15 7
    • Bloomberg / Eng F.U. money
      This^

      If your friend doesn’t want to pay for coffee/tea/drinks, then all he has to do is get there first and not keep his tab open. It doesn’t look good though. A coffee is not that expensive.

      He can also suggest a walk in the park or a museum, but you don’t have Central Park or The Highline over there so idk if it would work as well as it does for me in NYC.
      Sep 15
    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      So he accused me of "being interested in a man's purse" when I said I like it when man offer to pay, but I always pull out my card and won't mind splitting the bill. I also argued saying I make enough and really don't care; but if he doesn't pick my coffee/tea that's a moodkill.
      Sep 15
    • Apple / Eng MakingIt
      Don’t go to dinner on first date. Ask when are you going to be having dinner? (Answer). How about I pick you up for drinks at 10pm at xyz
      Sep 16
    • Lime yikes_
      Facts

      Do something physical that gives opportunity for touching and flirting, which is impossible with movie and dinner dates
      Sep 16
    • NVIDIA Gk56$iA
      I reject coffee dates on principle. Dinner dates are the way to go. Otherwise it is too casual.
      Sep 16
  • Microsoft macrohard.
    If I like the guy on the first date I'll let him pay if he wants to. But I'll try to split if I don't like him coz I know I wouldn't want to go to a second date and I don't wanna owe him anything.
    Sep 15 6
    • Susquehanna International / Eng Kristaps11
      I actually kinda fish for this. I pay for the first date and tell her she can grab the next one if I like her.
      Sep 15
    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      It's a good deal until she ghosts after the first.
      Sep 15
    • Susquehanna International / Eng Kristaps11
      If that’s the case sucks to suck 🤷🏽‍♂️

      Doesn’t happen often enough that it’d bother me.
      Sep 15
    • Uber / Eng WJde31
      I do this too - I think it’s a nice gesture when he offers to pay; call me old fashioned but it signals that he’s interested. If I don’t see it going anywhere with him, I’ll insist on splitting. It’s not fair at all to lead him on
      Sep 15
    • Amazon jQpf16
      quite the contrray here, if I want to see him again I will make an effort to split the bill, show an eagerness to pay. If Im never going to see him again I will be more half hearted in my attempt
      Sep 16
  • Pandora x0kjF
    The person extending the invitation should pay.
    Sep 15 6
    • Google Mr. GIass
      The people consuming the drink or meal should pay. If both parties consume drinks or food, both pay. This isn't hard.
      Sep 15
    • Rakuten / Ops
      tooQ10

      Rakuten Ops

      PRE
      Rakuten USA
      BIO
      Obligatory: YoE 20, TC 41k. Such is life for us non-SWE office monkeys!
      tooQ10more
      @Google - now that's an even fairer way to do it!
      Sep 15
    • Bloomberg / Eng F.U. money
      👏🏻 Mr. Glass 👏🏻
      Sep 16
    • Pandora x0kjF
      The nice thing about the one extending the invitation paying is you don't need to worry about picking an overly expensive place. "Want to go to a 3 star steak house for dinner?" "Oh no I can't afford that."

      And no, not everyone wants to go to a coffee shop.
      Sep 16
    • Google Mr. GIass
      The person accepting the invitation has a choice on where to go. If you only realize that you're at an expensive restaurant after you've finished your meal, you aren't a smart human. I imagine smart humans would realize what a coffee shop looks like before entering one.
      Sep 16
  • New jobt777
    I am a woman I always pay 50% of the first-third dates maybe this is why I’m still single 😂. I think this is the way to go unless it’s a rare circumstance where your pays are dramatically different like dudes if your Tc is $280k and you ask a public school teacher or someone who serves in americorp on a date don’t be an asshole and expect to split
    Sep 15 5
    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      Ah I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I would feel very queasy about someone who wouldn't even pay a $3 coffee. I am with you on splitting the bill.
      Sep 15
    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      I agree. So in the past when I like a guy and he pays for my coffee/drink and it goes further, I offer to take the tab the second time. I am so nice that I have even dropped some guys in train stations since they didn't have cars lol
      Sep 15
    • Pandora x0kjF
      Splitting the bill is always appreciated.
      Sep 15
    • Sunrun joan
      Lol depends on the guy. I offered to pay 50/50 on the third date and the guy was so offended that he decided we should be friends instead.

      Seems like women are equally as confused by men by all of this.
      Sep 15
    • Pandora x0kjF
      I think some men think "let's split" as "I'm not feeling this and want to pay so you don't bad when I end the relationship in 2 days." You might get success by heading that feeling off before suggesting to split.

      Some men also have an old school view but they're not looking to date the women on blind I'd thinkm
      Sep 15
  • eBay / Product blitzer
    Who pays first date, second date, third date, splitting is such an American culture. Nobody thinks about this in Europe or Latin America. Fucks sakes, go out, enjoy each other’s company. Be kind, be human. Even if it doesn’t work out, you met a new person who you’d have otherwise never met in your life out of the billions on Earth, be thankful for that experience. In my case, my date paid our first dinner and she insisted, 2 years later she’s now my fiancé.
    Sep 15 6
    • eBay / Product blitzer
      There should be no hard n fast rule. If a person really wants to pay without making it awkward for each other, excuse yourself and take care of the bill discreetly with the waiter when you go to the restroom.

      Take the initiative, so that he/she will never forget it. She paid for our dinner discreetly, it was a thoughtful gesture that I’ve never experienced before with other dates and that’s why I will marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. In the end, kindness trumps everything - TC, beauty, brains, property whatever.
      Sep 15
    • Pandora x0kjF
      No one thinks about it but people sneak off to pay the bill? I'm just confused what's the system?
      Sep 15
    • Amazon zurbrbd
      This makes it sound like youve only ever had one first date
      Sep 15
    • eBay / Product blitzer
      The opposite in fact, been on several first dates for years. I paid for most of them without expecting anything back in return. So imagine one day when a woman unconditionally returns the gesture, I knew then that she was a keeper and worth pursuing.
      Sep 15
    • Amazon zurbrbd
      Ya. Just cuz you said "in my case". Most girls ive dated in the us offer to split
      Sep 15
  • Amazon zurbrbd
    I always try to pick up the bill, but i very much appreciate the girl offering to split. Immediate brownie points. I always just say to get the next one though
    Sep 15 0
  • New Ab44
    I thought we were living in a diversy feminist metoo-world where everything was supposed to be equal? How can any girl be against this with that logic?
    Sep 16 5
    • Sunrun joan
      Agreed! Tho we live in a dating market and there are a number of factors at play.

      — Engineer vs teacher salaries aren’t equal.
      — Pink Tax on women focused product (sanitary napkins, birth control, etc.).
      — Cost of being a woman is more than a man. Also, don’t you want your girl date to look hot? Makeup, cute clothes, and time to get ready takes time. Have you heard of the Drybar? Blowouts are $40+

      To conclude. We don’t live in a equitable world. It’s nice when a man understands this and is chivalrous.
      Sep 16
    • Verizon wfWb83
      Chivalry is dead. Btfo
      Sep 16
    • Sunrun joan
      Anyways, just wanted to throw empathy on the other side of things
      Sep 16
    • Bloomberg / Eng F.U. money
      Oh, please with the pink tax. It’s a free market!!

      Men’s clothes are much more expensive than women’s everything else being equal.

      The labor market is a free market too.

      It’s not my fault some people are teachers.

      I don’t date teachers because I care about survival just like everybody else looking to start a family.

      Teachers don’t have my 10K+ a month expenses.
      Sep 16
    • Sunrun joan
      Please google “Pink Tax”. Paired with similar male items female items cost more. Research shows that females pay $1300 more per year on similar products. There are items that due to our body shapes we need special “women” sizes, like backpacks, helmets, shoe insoles, etc. (lol sometimes I buy little boys sizes to avoid the markup for “women” products, but sometimes it doesn’t work.) Plus, tampons & pads have a special taxes that condoms don’t have. Is this fair?

      I’m not making this up. I wish I were.

      Anyways, if any men out there doesn’t want to pay for a first date I could careless. Just want to inform you all about things that you might not see.
      Sep 16
  • Sunrun joan
    A guy should pay for dates until “exclusive” because it gets confusing for us gals. I have plenty of guy friends who I split 50/50 on all the time.

    Story time. I once payed 50/50 on a 3rd date and the guy was so offended that he suggested we be friends. So it’s quite confusing for me.
    Sep 15 1
    • Cisco Lionel10
      That guy was insecure. 'Us' guys like it to be split until something serious is established.
      Sep 15
  • IBM / IT IT 🎈
    Isn't it easier to maybe talk about this a few moments before going out? Maybe text or whatever, just to see what the other thinks? Personally it's a turn off to me when the other party is expecting me to pay. Whether I do it or not depends on my mood at the time and how worthwhile it was.
    Sep 15 3
    • Amazon zurbrbd
      No. This is weird if not done in a quick "drinks on me" way. It comes across as way too focused about money
      Sep 15
    • IBM / IT IT 🎈
      So when you two are choosing out the place, there's no point for the effort of being honest and trying to make this less awkward than it has to be? 🤔
      Sep 15
    • Amazon zurbrbd
      Its not awkward unless youre socially inept. Good rule of thumb is to never pick a place you wouldn't be willing to pay for
      Sep 15
  • Facebook public2
    The person who invites pays, next.
    Sep 16 0
  • Cisco Lionel10
    Not sure of the girls you date but all my dates offered and I wished they offered to split the bill. Had ended up with couple of serious relations. Quality women don't expect you to just pay for a free bite.
    Sep 15 0
  • Axtria foiba
    Where's the option- I am a woman and I pay/offer to pay for the first date because I have been raised to be courteous (and a coffee at Starbucks ain't super expensive) and it would be nice if the man turned out to be courteous as well? Zero points for him if he doesn't offer to pay, one point if he offers to go dutch, 5 points if he pays the bill, 10 points if he offers to pick me up and then pays my bill. If he is at zero or one points after two dates, there's no third date.
    Sep 16 7
    • Axtria foiba
      Meets expectations at 5 points, exceeds expectations at 10 points.
      Sep 16
    • No like what does offer to pick the tab up mean? Won't he also do so in the 5 point scenario
      Sep 16
    • Axtria foiba
      Offer to pick me up and drop me at my place + pay the bill = 10 points
      Pay the bill = 5 points

      Obviously I don't sit with a handy excel sheet, but it's just a framework.
      Sep 16
    • Oh I thought you meant pick up the check
      Sep 16
    • Axtria foiba
      Just meant treating me well
      Sep 16
  • Cruise Automation / Eng ⛸️
    I'm a woman and it seems like most guys don't pay anymore. So the majority of my dates were split 50/50.
    TBH I wish more guys would offer to pay. :( I always offer as well since I'm not there for a "free meal" or "free drink" but you know, it would be nice if they said, "Nah I can pay for you." sometimes.
    Sep 17 3
    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      Yes. I have the same experience; one time a guy asked me while on the date at the register- "should I pay for your tea or what"

      I think if I were a man, I would offer to pay.
      Sep 17
    • Pandora x0kjF
      It's 2019 and men and women are considered equal in our society.
      Sep 17
    • Cruise Automation / Eng ⛸️
      I mean, I offer to chip in for my portion. You can say no (once).
      Sep 18
  • Verizon wfWb83
    Split every time until we know we’re serious about being together. Don’t care about her TC vs mine either. It’s both of us investing time and effort, so it may as well be split evenly. Me making more or less money isn’t the reason we went out in the first place.
    Sep 15 1
    • Bloomberg / Eng F.U. money
      Absolutely. Besides it’s not about TC, it’s about what’s left after expenses.
      Sep 16
  • Cadence / Eng
    pretzle

    Cadence Eng

    PRE
    Intel Corporation
    pretzlemore
    OP
    So the low income theory holds fine but how do you know she ain't a golddigger? Or do golddiggers exist who make good TC? IDK
    Sep 15 0
  • Amazon opWH45
    I am a 👩. If I like the guy I will let him pick the first one and then I am fine in splitting it...if I don’t like the guy I will definitely Pay half in the first ...and last date
    Sep 21 0
  • Bloomberg / Eng F.U. money
    The real question is, would you ever go on a second date if she didn’t reach for the check?

    https://youtu.be/PIYdxeQfF7I

    https://youtu.be/anophqU9Yfg

    🤣🤣🤣
    Sep 16 0
  • Microsoft 🦍Ape
    I know it won’t work out unless we suggest to dine and dash
    Sep 15 0
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Cadence / Eng
      pretzle

      Cadence Eng

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      pretzlemore
      OP
      You!
      Sep 15
    • Amazon newAz
      No, You
      Sep 15
    • I can
      Sep 15
  • Bills.com / Eng 7e7fe3afd0
    I am a guy. I alway offer to pay on first date. If i hear a girl wanting to split, i ask the girl to cover dessert. Then in second date I see if the girl offers something then i usually follow her on the second date.
    Sep 21 0

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