My girlfriend of 1y just broke up with me. When we started dating, I was covering the cost of all our activities (including long trips, ...) and that’s ok, since my TC is higher than hers. A few months into dating, I made it clear that I would have liked things to be a bit more balanced. For example, if I pay dinner maybe she could pay Uber or drinks. For a while, things went ok, but inevitably regressed to the norm of me paying for everything. Yesterday, after the whole day hanging out and me covering all the expenses (lunch, Uber, drinks, tickets, so 200$+) I broke down and asked her if she thought I was an ATM for her. She became very upset and broke up with me saying “if you don’t like doing nice things for me, I can find someone who can”. To whom I replied: “I’m sure you can. Good luck”. She’s really not a bad person and has put up with a lot of weird situations, and in general was a keeper to me. But it is what it is. Also, while being the first time my “cheapness” degenerates into a breakup, similar situations happened in the past with other women, so I think the problem might be me. In general, I grew up very poor so I like to be frugal with money, I’m 31 and through aggressive savings I grew my net worth from 0 to 1.5M liquid even without working at FAANG. Also, since someone might ask, I’m white, and generally don’t have too many problems finding a date. What would you suggest? I’m also considering saving for a few more years in the Bay and then FIRE in a cheap south east Asia country where cost of living won’t be high, so i won’t spend a fortune on women. Thanks.
Lol. Why are you even stressing out about $200 ? You FIRE folks are pretty pathetic
Because if it’s $200 or whatever every time then it feels very unbalanced
Because as I said I grew up dirt poor, and as a teenager having $5 in my pocket was a very big deal, I would make sure those would last me at least a couple weeks. FIRE is not necessarily the point here.
Based on the data you provided,I think you dodged a bullet man! She wants to be taken care of financially which means she is looking for a daddy and not a partner! In the long run, there is a good chance that she would wanna take a huge slice of that 1.5 M.
True
I wish it was that easy. I dated many women (probably 30+ in the past 3-4 years) and she was the only one good enough in my eyes to go into a long term relationship with. She really doesn’t behave like a gold digger. It’s more like every single woman always expects the man to cover all the expenses, which I find ridiculous in this age where both people are professionals.
If you think this girl is too costly just find another one who is less money oriented or ok with less expensive entertainments. Not a big deal, huh? You are obviously a smart guy
I met quite a few girls who were willing to split a bit
You are not too cheap for a relationship. There has to be compatibility on the expected balance. The way you began the relationship changed. If such a change is not gradual it could be tough. Since you have been bringing this up for some time, she just may not be for you or you could always be unhappy if you are not compatible with spending expectations.
You did absolutely perfect things . I have a gf and we do t k ow who pays what but I suspect it’s 60(me) :40(her). Irrespective of the total comp. we need to be close enough to be equal . If one can’t afford it’s a separate case but when they can afford and don’t shell Money it’s very clear sign of selfish person and no room to date a low Par person. Else u be below mediocre and would be your kids . I am so proud it’s over and now be a man and get into a dating scene and find a real Catch .
She doesn’t have any idea whatsoever about my net worth or income. She just knows I work in tech. In fact, one time she guessed my income and it was much lower than reality, and I let her believe it was even lower than what she guessed. As I said, I’m very guarded with money and would never reveal those personal detail to anyone.
I learned my lesson. I did exactly what you did. I bought stuff, I paid stuff. In the end when I finally broke up with her, I think I had paid several thousands over the course of about a year. We just weren’t compatible and in retrospect I should have been more upfront with sharing cost. This is not to say she was a gold digger. I was willing to pay, but I now prefer to find someone who is more insistent on sharing cost. I am no mean wealthy either. If my future wife keeps money to herself instead of sharing the burden of raising the family, well, not going to last. I hope I conveyed my point. As for your situation, without knowing either of you personally, and being a stranger to you, I don’t know. My rule of thumb is break up when you can no longer communicate. You can try to talk to her again in a few days. If she still refuse to see from your pov, well, you can walk away with a minute of tears. But honestly, from her response, I don’t like the tone.
BINGO! How do you find girls? 30 in 3years sounds like a lot of effort. Are you trying too hard, showing your wealth/financial stability? You said you don’t have issues with finding dates, maybe it’s a wrong source of dates. Sounds like you approach attracts girls who see your wallet first, what do you think? Can you find a date in a different way?
I’m in the Bay, so it’s very difficult to have other sources than tinder/bumble. I don’t flash my “wealth” at all, drive an old ass Honda Civic and rent a cheap condo.
Cheap condo in the bay?
yeah, relationships are expensive. would you rather be lonely with high TC?
But why can’t both parties pull their own weight? If I make double what my partner makes, why can’t we split expenses 30%/70% or something?
they can - you just haven't found someone who is willing