Totally turned off by guys who ...

Apr 12 168 Comments

Have a date tonight but I’m thinking of cancelling on him. It’s only a second date but he made a comment about wanting me to invite him over. I totally lost interest since it seems like he’s looking for a hook up.

Had our date a few days ago. We kept in touch via text. We didn’t really have much common interest but I was thinking to give it some time to see if there’s anything there.

Him.... do you want to get together Sunday?
Me ... no response (not sure what my schedule is, have already another date lined up)
2 days later no texts between us (I forgot to reply, my bad) no flirting going on either
Him: how about Friday?
Me: sure, I’ll be driving back Friday to the South Bay so will be free later. Do you want to get drinks?
Him: Yeah, or you could invite me over and we can have some wine :)
Me: Nice try! 🤣
Him: ?

Either he’s playing dumb or he can not communicate properly. Who says “?” When someone tries to call you out on bad behavior. The first date is a coffee date and seriously he hasn’t made any effort. He wants to be invited over for wine on second date? WTF! Are guys like this these days?

He’s not a bad looking guy - but I’m so turned off at this point that I just feel like cancelling. This makes me feel like he’s just looking for a booty call so I’m crossing him off my list.

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TOP 168 Comments
  • IBM modelx
    This is the most useless post I've read on Blind
    Apr 12 13
    • Intel Who.Dis
      Again, did he ask for your wine? Was he going to bring a surprise bottle?

      I went to her house much more frequently than mine and yes I once made a date at her place, although some context built up towards that being a really good option for the day.
      Apr 12
    • Intel Who.Dis
      Maybe to present a clearer opinion, I’m saying that reading into every single detail for a bunch of meaning is going to cause yourself a lot of internal turmoil.

      That isn’t something that applies to the first 5 dates either. The best method is to ask questions/discuss in an open and communicative way. Speculation is the opposite of communication. Bad communication is a bad relationship; professional, family, romance, friends
      Apr 12
    • OP
      There’s no “assumption” here. It’s attraction. I’m not assuming anything. I’m just turned off by his lack of common sense.

      That’s why we date to pick people who have similar values and judgement.

      I even sent these texts to a few of my really close GUY friends. They all tell me to stay away.
      Apr 12
    • Intel Who.Dis
      Ok, then do that.
      Apr 12
    • Google / Eng hank_moody
      Yes, they tell you to stay away, because it increases their chances at hooking up with you. Lol
      Apr 12
  • Oracle tesla555
    Ask his TC. Then update the post with his TC and your TC. Then we can give an informed opinion.
    Apr 12 2
    • Microsoft shambu
      Best response on thread
      Apr 12
    • OP
      ❤️ good advice. I’ll tell him I’ll need to know his TC so I can make an informed decision whether I should cancel the date
      Apr 12
  • Bloomberg
    YUNOSlayer

    Bloomberg

    PRE
    Bloomberg LP
    YUNOSlayermore
    Cancel, follow your intuition.
    Apr 12 3
    • OP
      There are a lot of guys on Blind who have no game and trying to attack me for wanting to cancel.

      But even my close guy friends are also telling me to stay away from this guy when I showed them the screenshot of the text.
      Apr 12
    • Yelp
      IyLp55

      Yelp

      BIO
      Student
      IyLp55more
      If you're going to say that every guy who doesn't agree with you here has bad game and that you're in the right, why the fuck did you even post this?
      Apr 12
    • OP
      Why not? I’m posting this because quite frankly I’m shocked
      Apr 12
  • Wow he really dodged a bullet. You sound entitled af miss, get off your high horse
    Apr 12 0
  • Oracle ➕cowbell
    You have another date lined up, so you'd be doing him a service.

    Also, people who ignore texts because they can't make it instead of taking two seconds to say no are the amongst the most annoying kind of people 😑
    Apr 12 4
    • Intel Act2016
      And are good at communicating
      Apr 12
    • Intel Who.Dis
      Lol! She claimed that he made no effort, yet she ignored a date request for 2 days with Zero response. Not even a “sounds interesting, let me figure out what day works for me”
      Apr 12
    • Uber / R&D jidao
      Exactly, if you have another date then you're not serious either, don't expect serious guy to date you twice.
      And for the good sake reply to text! If you don't know yet say it, ghosting is not an appropriate reaction if you're looking for a serious relationship
      Apr 12
    • Cadence qwer09
      True, the OP girl here is entitled af and suffers from princess syndrome.
      May 19
  • Twitter Oomnj
    It cheaper to drink a bottle of nice wine versus going to a bar and ordering over priced drinks. He’s a financially savvy keeper
    Apr 12 14
    • Twitter Oomnj
      I’m not saying it’s a lack of relationship desire; I’m saying a lot of men can’t find value in it even if they do desire it
      Apr 12
    • Intel Who.Dis
      I don’t understand what you mean by that.
      Apr 12
    • OP
      You know why that is? I’ve found that most software engineers are way too logical by nature and don’t enjoy an emotional connection. Or don’t know how to foster that kind of connection. That’s why most guys don’t find value in a relationship.

      People who are emotionally in touch w themselves find it easier to connect with people so they don’t rely on physical relationship only. These guys include data scientists, software engineers, accountants etc. Not just guys but girls too
      Apr 12
    • Twitter Oomnj
      Maybe that’s true, maybe that’s not. It’s just a matter of managing expectations Op, I wish you the best of luck lol.
      Apr 12
    • OP
      It’s definitely another generalization that will get me in trouble w blind trolls
      Apr 12
  • Google / Eng mad👩🏻‍🔬
    Riveting
    Apr 12 0
  • Amazon yWsJ24
    Cool story
    Apr 12 0
  • Google take
    Ideal blind story would be you getting turned off by his TC or him not working in a "prestige" company or something like that.
    Apr 12 1
    • OP
      I would be turned off if he works for a prestige company and if that prestige alone grants him the right to ask for a date this way.
      Apr 13
  • Salesforce hfkkc7
    also don't listen to everyone else on this thread who's trying to attack you. all entitled boys who think that they deserve to be treated like gods by women. we have day jobs too and you dont owe anyone a quick response unless they are paying your salary. double standard and gross asf. right call is either to cancel or ghost, or call him out on it explicitly
    Apr 12 5
    • PayPal kyku
      Feminist af!
      Apr 12
    • Google Happyness
      No one's expecting an instantaneous response. But don't be surprised when you don't respond for a couple of days and the guy loses interest in something meaningful. We have day jobs too 😂
      Apr 12
    • Salesforce hfkkc7
      😎👉👉
      Apr 12
    • Uber / R&D jidao
      Slow reply is not the same as no reply...
      And dating two guys clearly mean you're not serious either, and it's not double standard, I date one person at a time, a d I reply quickly even if it's just say I'm busy and I'll get back later to you
      Apr 12
    • Amazon jQpf16
      yeah, entitled fuckers
      Apr 25
  • PayPal theniceguy
    OP girls like you are what make the dating scene worst for all of us. Because of various factors like this, a guy always is pressurized to talk something to grab attention and I think this guy here sent that text unintentionally and you make a big scene about it and name it a booty call. If one is just interested in a booty call, it’s matter of few hundred bucks than dealing with your nonsense.
    Apr 13 20
    • Datometry / Eng LangEr
      Bro dodged a bullet, he just doesn’t know it yet.
      Apr 15
    • Salesforce / Eng
      LMTS-1

      Salesforce Eng

      PRE
      Tata Consultancy Services
      BIO
      Lead software engineer at Salesforce
      LMTS-1more
      Looking at this thread. I feel he is lucky guy to miss you. otherwise his entire life will be ruined, he will end up having only arguments with you. You saved his life.
      Apr 15
    • OP
      @LMTS - oh that’s the only thing you can come up with? You seem like the type of person who can hide behind the keyboard and write these snide comments, and then when the poster responds back, you can’t handle it?

      Don’t worry about me or him. Worry about yourself first.
      Apr 15
    • Salesforce / Eng
      LMTS-1

      Salesforce Eng

      PRE
      Tata Consultancy Services
      BIO
      Lead software engineer at Salesforce
      LMTS-1more
      Haha.. I already saved by choosing best girl friend who became my wife. She makes my life so happy.
      Apr 15
    • PayPal theniceguy
      😂
      Apr 15
  • Intel Who.Dis
    I’m waiting for the follow up 5 paragraph post titled “30 year-old woman. Can’t seem to find any guy worth dating, where is the perfect one?”

    That, or a post with a poll asking “When do you make first intimate contact in dating?”
    Option 1: Never, relationships are celibate
    Option 2: After Marriage
    Option 3: After 2 years
    Option 4: If they ask first, leave them
    Apr 12 3
    • Cisco meowwww
      You sound salty AF... he clearly isn’t considering her feelings. Her age has nothing to do with it
      Apr 12
    • Intel Who.Dis
      Sure, I suppose that going to pretty much a stranger’s house for wine can be hurtful, so he’s not on a great start.

      But this satirical comment was inspired by some other Blind posts that went viral.
      Apr 12
    • OP
      Actually any girl who can’t find a guy worth dating will go for exactly this guy
      Apr 13
  • Google Happyness
    You didn't respond to his first text, so he likely lost interest in something meaningful and demoted you in his mind. It's pretty normal.

    Also, when two people don't share much in common as you imply, there is not a lot of incentive to pursue something meaningful with that person.
    Apr 12 0
  • Oracle vesuvio
    Waiting for episode 2. Grabbing popcorn.
    Apr 12 2
    • OP
      Suspense...
      Apr 12
    • Oscar 🐨koala
      🍿 plot twist: it’s the right hand talking to the left hand.
      Apr 12
  • Snapchat Timstammy
    Yeah OP sounds like the classic entitled SF chick who thinks they are God's gift to the world and is never wrong. He dodged a bullet here.
    Apr 13 3
    • OP
      Of course I am entitled. I am entitled to choose how I spend my time and not hang out w shit

      I’m entitled to not signing up for booty calls, which guys think they are entitled to these days.

      And guys like you, if you get rejected for a booty call, I hope you don’t come back to blind and cry about it.
      Apr 13
    • Pinterest pinhead
      They have learned the behavior from all the women it has worked on. You are just a number to them. He was just playing it off cool/confident by pretending he wasn’t being too forward.

      That you took the time to make this post and are “thinking” of canceling instead of actually just canceling, says to me you wanted to hook up but just wanted more foreplay, and now you want to be mad about it not going your way. You’re stringing it out for attention by creating this thread.

      Tbqh online dating is pretty cancerous, and this is just another example of the shenanigans going on. You two deserve each other.
      Apr 13
    • OP
      I’m not mad. Why should I be mad? I canceled and it went my way. I wrote a post about refusing to invite a guy over for a booty call and it’s people like you threw a fit.

      If you think I’m posting to get some attention, why do you even bother giving me some more personal attention? If you think every person posting on blind is stringing for attention then you can always refuse to comment.

      Attention is not a GREAT thing. People do it everyday to call out bad behaviors. YES I do it for attention. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it and you definitely don’t need to comment.
      Apr 13
  • Verizon Media sxSG85
    Cancel and move on.
    Just saying, it’s your prerogative but you don’t have to demonize the guy if he’s in it to hook up. May not be your thing and you found it out with his behavior. Cut him off
    Apr 12 0
  • Amazon Deaf Bezos
    You guys should get married. That way you will save a lot of happy people out there.
    Apr 12 4
    • OP
      I’ll let you know
      Apr 13
    • Amazon Deaf Bezos
      Let me think if I care. ... ummm NO
      Apr 13
    • OP
      Of course you do. You took time to think about this problem and you suggest that I should get married to him.
      Apr 13
    • Amazon Deaf Bezos
      Wrong. I thought about happy people that you may cause sorrow to.
      Apr 14
  • Epsilon saysme
    TC please
    Apr 12 0
  • Ignore and then later suggest “Getting Drinks” strongly implies you want a hookup. Nothing about that says I want to take things slow.
    Apr 12 5
    • Cisco meowwww
      No it doesn’t. Drinks are normal for a first or second date . Dinner is too long and more commitment
      Apr 12
    • I agree, though I think getting drinks means both parties are at least open to some foolin’ around. Yes, dinner implies some commitment.
      Apr 12
    • OP
      No it definitely doesn’t imply the girl is open to fooling around. Only guys will assume she is. There is context to this. I told him im
      Out of town and I’m driving back late Friday evening. He asked to hang out so I suggested if he can do drinks.
      Apr 13
    • OP, that’s my point, that given the situation you describe some guys will interpret/assume that you’re open to it, and the guy in question here did so.

      I think it’s the non-committed actions like ignoring contact, drinks as opposed to dinner, late nite on a weekend, having other things to do but squeeze this date in, etc. From a mans perspective, this sure sounds like a “booty-call”. Why? Because this is what men do when they want a booty-call.

      There is nothing wrong with people wanting non-committed short term physical relationships if all parties are interested. Here, it seems like you weren’t interested and he misread your cues.
      Apr 13
    • OP
      There is nothing wrong w people wanting a booty call. The thing that makes him looks like an idiot is he did not do enough work to find out whether I’m interested in a booty call or a serious relationship and before asking for one.

      Guys who are looking for a booty call but don’t do the work for it deserves zero respect.

      He would’ve earned more respect from me had he asked, “what are you looking for?” Or “I would like to start slow getting to know someone but I would not mind a physical connection. I don’t know if that’s where you are. I do see myself in a serious relationship eventually but it’s a lot of pressure for me to start off that way.” After that The girl will get to decide how to take the next step.

      If a guy invites himself over on a second date and did zero work to find out if a booty call is even possible w a girl, this type of guy will be ranked in the bottom of the 🌊
      Apr 13
  • IBM / Product (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
    Seriously though, why waste his time if you don’t like him?
    Apr 12 0