She has borderline personality disorder. You cant cause that in somebody, it just is. Obviously I didn't see it before we were married or had kids. The postpartum depression after our first seemed to have triggered a bunch of secondary mental health issues, though I imagine some of this was always there but well hidden from me.
Dunno what to say, other than make sure you have a shared understanding that you will trust your partner and seek professional help if the other thinks you need to. My ex insisted I was crazy and she was fine. I went to a shrink, he told me I was fine and that her behavior clearly was not. But she refused help, as she had through her periods of intense depression, denying there was anything wrong. How you view mental health issues turns out to be important in a marriage, even if you don't think either of you have them at the time.
i have, 3 times, you are just with her all the time. you only talk about the kid/s but don't get to meet them. at least that's the case for me. i guess when things get really serious that's when you get to meet them