I am not special. Don't make the same life mistakes if you are young. AMA TC: 750k
Health & Wellness
Yesterday
1671
I hate my f***** life
Tech Industry
Yesterday
968
Brother beaten severely as a kid. Doesnβt speak to dad at all now.
World Conflicts
Yesterday
378
Remember folks, all Israel wants is the hostages back
2024 Presidential Election
Yesterday
381
Crime is down
Today I Learned
Yesterday
671
My understanding of the Holocaust was incorrect!
What mistakes did you make? What would you do different?
Career wise, I felt I would be rewarded automatically without asking. For far too long. Like 15 years too long. Also valuing fake prestige and loyalty over personal career and financial growth. Not asking for rewards / promotions etc. was another big mistake. I appreciate today's generation for being bold about telling what they want; please back it up with the skills to get to where you want to! Personally, not having the courage to say yes to a couple of people / relationships. At that time I used some weird contrarian logic about not wanting to lose someone by having them around me all the time. Psycho shit. Don't do it LOL. Rather try and fail than not try at all.
But I am scared of loneliness.
What advise would you give to your younger self?
Did you have success late in life? How did your perspective on failure change over years?
I would say my lens for success has changed. I've always been successful compared to so many others, however I achieved everything much later in life. I am playing catch up for the most part now. I attribute that primarily to not taking opportunities, hoping things would just fall in place. It wasn't fear of failure as it was about leaving things to "destiny".
Everyone thinks they are playing the catching up game since they have placed their goal posts always ahead of them
What do you value now and optimizing for your rest of 40s?
Health, peace of mind and financial independence in that order. We take our bodies for granted way too much. Seeing pain and suffering from poor health real close has given me a different perspective about making the most of the life we have. Peace of mind - well, I need to sleep well and not be a hot bag of thoughts all the time. Helps with maintaining health, and also with thinking straight to diversify towards growing wealth.
But you work in Meta, It can screw your WLB and mess you if you loose job or have a bad boss
Do you agree with "who you know is more or equally important than what you know?
Who you know is not sufficient since it boils down to the quality of your relationship, and what value you can get from them. For instance, when I was recently laid off, there were more than a handful of very senior ranking people (VP+) at major public companies I knew and had worked with, but only one of them was able to create a role out of thin air for me. The others just gave pseudo moral support. In this case who I knew wasn't sufficient since only one of them went out of their way for me. Incidentally, this was also a person I had truly helped back in time.
It's not who you know. It's how you know them
I screwed up my career by staying at a small org for a very long time and in a city where there are very few opportunities. I in my late 30s and very low comp. I am worried about future and wondering if I will be able to do enough for my kid. How do you suggest I come out of this? Is there a way out?
There's ALWAYS a way out. The question you should ask yourself is how BADLY do you need to change your life. You already have a good motivation - your kid's future. So up level, and keep trying. You don't need to make a big jump - you can get there through multiple small jumps too, say one every year. Here's the fun part - going from a NW of 0 to 100k takes way longer than 100k to 500k, which takes longer than getting from 500k to 1M. Identify your ultimate (realistic) goal, and 2 - 3 steps to get there, along with a time limit. Build on what's required to get to each of those steps. Reactivate old and new connections so you can get in the door for an interview. I would also suggest beginning to diversify a small part (say 5%) of your investments to slightly riskier offerings.
Same age as OP and i vouch this is true!
Boomer π΄π΄π΄π΄
I optimised for money in initial years, came from a shitty poor background and never had any choice, never cared for craftsmanship of software engineering. I tried to change country as well at 8 yoe. I have 2 faangs in my resume but I could not grow as a software engineer. I have 10 yoe and am 31 year old now and I am still mid level engineer. Though they put my promo pack for senior engineer at both the faang, I felt lot of things were not under my control and I was just on the bad side of the luck(reorgs, manager left, people who would support me left). I still try to give 110% every single day but there is this frustration, anger and the constant struggle of catching up. How do you not loose hope?
Are you chasing the title? What is it that the next level will give you that you currently donβt have? If it is money, have you considered alternatives like trying companies where the pay is higher for your current level, like Meta or Netflix?
yes I am chasing a title and I want to grow as a software engineer as well. Both money and engineering are motivation. I can try for meta but I am already on my 5th company in 10 year, last 3.5 years in 2 faang. Tbh bit tired of changing companies, though I worked on low levels so my skills are transferrable but it takes a lot of time to build context and relationships so it is stopping me for change at the moment.
Top 3 regrets? And what youβd do differently
1. Procrastination, combined with a lackadaisical attitute. It's OK at work, but it sucks when done in personal life. Significantly delaying a medical test meant a loved one's disease was far too advanced than it should have been. Delaying getting a home computer because I was too cheap meant losing an exciting opportunity in a foreign country. The list is long. I learnt very late that "done is better than perfect". I try to practice this often now. 2. Chasing fake prestige & loyalty in career. I recommend younger people to optimize for financial independence over donating time to a corporation. 3. Assuming relationships are boolean commitments - you're either all in, or all out. This applies to all types of relationships - friends, soulmates, acquaintances. Later in life as shit happens, you realize you're alone since you didn't spend a few minutes taking calls from people who really wanted to establish a connection. Talk to people, keep the ones who like you, close to you.
I am always trying all in because i don't be alone.