Anyone living with their inlaws ?
Going to bite the bullet and ask here. Married 15 years and 8 years being with inlaws. Driving me crazy with their ways and lack of privacy. The wife always comes home and starts talking with her parents first and they always decide what is best for kids to dress/eat etc.. I guess I wanted to avoid confrontation, so just ignore most of this and live in my own world for the most part. I am ok after I drown a half bottle of wine and listening to 90s evergreen songs :). Just don't want to disrespect in-laws and do not want to deny wife taking care of her parents when they are old. I used to travel a lot due to this but recently switched jobs and being at home more. Curious if anyone else has the same issues.
Are the in-laws disabled? Can't they live somewhere nearby instead of with you directly? I'm thinking of this setup later in life (also probably will have to take care of parents and/or in-laws in the future)
They are not, we cannot afford rental for them.
This is blind. Isn't the obvious solution "grow TC" and buy nearby rental? I feel for you. Consider expanding home to create a private living space and find them friends and social activities that keep them busy. Another suggestion would be they stay six months on-off, half the year in their home country or maybe just summers with your family. As someone else said, take your wife out to a nice dinner, and have an open conversation. Be tactful, talk abt your goals and preferences for your relationship and children.
Asian?
yep
Better than Indian
tc?
myself: TC 200K Wife : 40K
Maybe your tc making them feel inferior. Or they trying to give you free time by taking care of everything? Nicely tell them you want to be part of kids or you be proactive and do things by yourself for kids (cook or go out with them and so on).
Whose house is it? You and your wife’s? Don’t walk on eggshells in your own house. Also re: kid clothes/food pick your battles man
I think there might be a deeper problem lurking - which is your relationship with your partner. Will not having in-laws in the house help to improve that, or will wife resent the change leading the relationship further south? If it does go south, are you ready to part ways with her - knowing the potential impact on kids etc? I would wort through those things in my head before anything else.
Kids always comes first , so yes I’ve been careful not to make her upset .
Talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel as assertively as possible. By talking, you two can find middle ground.
Scout for some common ground to engage better with in laws. Talk to them more. One area of meaningful and healthy engagement is discussing with them about how your kids are spending time at home - no need to take any advises if you do not like them but see if they can act as your information sensors on things you need info on. Match updates, politics updates, food prepared that day etc. Save alexa(?) for complex inquiries, use in laws for simpler updates.
Thanks for this
It feels like 8 years is too late to confront. Good luck man
I’m sorry but wtf... 8 years? Why did u ever agree to this?
Open conversation and clear boundaries.