Boyfriend on Grindr
Me (30M) and my boyfriend (29M) have been together for 2.5 years now, and everything was great. We’d even discussed marriage, and I was gonna move with him for his job. But well, I’ve been cheated on once before, and I hate to admit it but I violated his privacy. He trusts me with his devices and stuff, and I ended up snooping through em recently. And well, I found out he used Grindr for over a week while I was in india. He literally downloaded it less than an hour after dropping me off at the airport! I confronted him today after sulking for the past two weeks after he complained about how distant I’ve been. He claims he didn’t use it to hook up, just considered it. And he got off on checking out guys on the app. But there are other red flags, like he searched if oral sex can transmit HIV, ordered an STD kit etc. And he used the app for over a week. I really don’t know how to feel. Posted on blind because he browses gaybros on reddit and I didn’t know where else I could post this. He’s not in tech. #dating #relationships #gay #lgbt
why post this if you already know the answer deep down Hes cheated, you snooped, zero trust either way, it’s probably not gonna work out
If this was a marriage, I’d try to fix. Being as it is not, id pull the rip cord so fast.
Isn’t there commitment similar whether it’s a marriage or an LTR? Or do you mean there’s less repercussions so it’s easier to just move on? This is like my first real LTR (my first relationship ended in 5months due to the cheating I mentioned)
So I finally got him to confess. He did sleep with one guy (still noticed two inconsistencies in his details, so I suspect that might not be the entire truth. But I’m also a paranoid person, so I dunno.) He was mad at me for snooping (not proud of it, but not something I usually do. That’s why I discovered this six month old cheating now.) But he truly seems sorry? He’s practically begging me to stay, and I feel really guilty for the whole thing. I told him I need time. I do love him.
You both need to have a very transparent and honest conversation. Is he bi? Gay but in denial? Can you be with him knowing he may want to also be with men? Are you ok with that? If he’s bi, it’s going to be very hard for him to deny that side of himself, and he probably shouldn’t
I mentioned in my post we’re both guys. So we’re both gay, yes
I don’t think this will stop. He’ll stop for a while and then find ways to get better at it. I know it sounds bad but I can tell you from experience. Cheating is a habit
Why force him into monogamy if he’s not into it. Ask yourself the same if really want to be in a monogamous relationship he’s not the one.
Leave.
So sorry to hear this, one thing is for sure, trust is broken between the two of you. There will never be a day where you wouldn't doubt him if he does something unusual and there will never be a day where he wouldn't doubt you with his personal stuff anymore.
Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about, I don’t want to have to constantly worry about what he’s doing behind my back. Especially given he’s going to be moving to another state soon (I was supposed to follow at some point.)
I’m scared I might not be able to trust anyone again tbh
Bring everyone involved together for a meeting, clothing optional. Work it out as a group effort, drive clarity into the situation by closing out action items aggressively.
If you and he both want this relationship, then he needs to do everything he can do to make you feel safe. What do you need to feel safe? He needs to admit to cheating. He needs to tell you everything and you need to see evidence that backs up what he says. Give him amnesty to tell you everything in one sitting so that there will be no more surprises. It is your prerogative to end the relationship or to continue.