Breaking up... Am I doing the right thing?
I've been with my GF for a few years now and we have lived together for the past 1.5. I really like her and things have worked out pretty well so far. However, it's now time to make the big decision: do I want to spend the rest of my life with her? It has been a very tough question for me to answer. I've really tried hard to pop the question, but I haven't been able to make up my mind. I've never been this indecisive my entire life. I think about the future, and I don't think some things are going to work out: 1) She prefers a relaxed lifestyle and wants to move out of the Bay Area ASAP. Go somewhere where it's cheaper to live. I'm more career focused and have worked my entire life to be where I am today. I love my job. 2) She's not 100% self-dependent, I see that in the future I will be the one who would be carrying the bulk of the weight of life. I see that I will be the one working my ass off, and she'll be the one who'll relax more often. 3) Financially, her family is not doing well. She sends them small amounts of money every once in a while. I worry that in the future, they might need more help and this would put a strain on my life. Would I be absolutely crazy to break up with her over the matters above? I desperately need some perspective...
Listen to your heart. It's hard to find the right person, esp in a busy place like Bay Area.
That's an issue definitely, and that's what's making a decision even harder...
Depends on your possible prospects. IMO unless you’re desperate for kids and a family, it’s a mistake to get married without being very enthusiastic about the other person.
I don't really want to have kids any time soon... But also, I'd hate to be alone for the rest of my life
You only need one partner, the Universe definitely has one out there.
#2 and 3 should have been obvious even before. Also, all these aren’t a big deal if you really like her.
Thanks for your response.
Looks like OP wants to bail but not feel guilty about it.
We have talked about 1 and 2. I don't really feel comfortable talking about 3. She has said that "1" is a must (we should move out of Bay Area). But she says that my mentality about 2 is wrong: that she's also a hard worker. I don't fully believe that
Toss a coin and see what your heart wants. Dont look at the result of the toss
No, you should not. But you need convince her to stay at bay area and good career is good for you as a family.
I've tried so hard... She does not believe that working this much affects the quality of life. She does not see things the way I see, and I fail to see things her way when it comes to leaving the Bay Area.
>> Does not believe working this much 'affects or 'doesn't affect' the quality of life? You can work in the Bay Area for some more years and then leave. Does Nvidia not have offices elsewhere? The Bay has well-paying jobs and good weather but also a very high COL, which will only increase if/ when you marry/ have a family. Would staying in an A city & having a well-paying (according to you) job compensate for the absence of a supportive partner from your life, at least in the short-mid term? Flipping the coin, what wishes/ wants is your gf willing to forego to have you as a life partner? Few things you both have to discuss separately, and together.
So you are saying you don’t want to take care of your woman? Wtf asshole
@Ness never said it doesn't work the other way.
Age: late 20's. Dated 2 more girls before her, each about 1 year.
Thanks, this was a very thoughtful response
Blinders who have never had a significant other will probably tell you to break up with her. I would not tho if these are your only concerns. Relaxed lifestyle - you will want this one day too and I see this as pretty normal. If she is demanding you quit your job so you guys can move to Oklahoma or something then that’s another story. 2 - legit concern especially if you refer to her ability to be self sufficient emotionally and take care of herself in areas outside of money. If it’s only about money then who cares, not sure your comp but if you have worked your ass off to get to now I’m guessing you realistically make enough for both of you. 3 - this is tricky but there’s far worse situations if she’s only sending money every once in awhile. It’s not easy to find a girl that checks off even close to all the boxes. It’s never going to be perfect, the one thing many of us on here are good at is making money. So that should be low on your priorities when considering a potential wife.
Legit advice ^^
This is a great response, I deeply thank you for your time. 1) No, she doesn't want me to quit, and is fully supportive about building a career. But she does want to move to somewhere as boring as Oklahoma (sorry, don't mean to be rude towards whoever's from Oklahoma... you get my point...) 2) Emotionally, she's fine. But for example, she doesn't drive a car, even though she's the same age as I am. She's not that much passionate about working hard. Thanks for the perspective about the money... Hadn't really thought of that tbh.
You are doing the right thing.
Would it be too crazy if I said I literally have PyCharm open in front of me now?
Thanks for the response btw.