I met my current wife 6 years ago and married for a year n half. We had fallen in love but over time realised we were very different people. Before making the big decision of getting married, we spoke about the important things that mattered to us. From my side, it was taking care of my parents when they are older and having children. Children are really important to me but she wasnt very keen. She did however agree to have one child. We got married and the past year n half was great. Lately we started having discussions about having a child and she has now completely turned negative. She says she doesnt want the "burden" and "responsibility" of having children and is of the mindset that it'll ruin her life and freedom. I understand she is entitled to her opinion but she should have been this clear before getting married. She says she didnt give it a strong thought then. When I try to talk her into it she acts like shes doing me a favor and that I have to be fully responsible for the child. I don't think this is a healthy mindset for to-be parents and the child. I felt she was being very selfish but she says I'm being selfish to force children on to her. Divorce came up today. Considered counseling but dont think either of us are going to change our stance. Not sure what to expect here but just wanted to vent. TC 300k Edit: I'm 34, she's 31
Kids are tough. You might be living in your imagination that you could be a good dad. But in terms of marriage yes you should get divorced.
Im sure there are good dads who dont live in their imagination. And yes i think i can be a great dad.
Children is a key relationship cornerstone. Having a strong difference here should warrant a divorce, imo. You donāt want one person to be unhappy for the rest of your life or another to be resentful for the rest of your life. Not good for the couple and not good for the child.
Run away quickly. Donāt bother with counseling. Get a lawyer. Itās time to split. Donāt have a kid it will only make you miserable with her. Find another woman.
Never have just one child. Either have two or more or none. Being an only child seems like a miserable experience (coming from a person who has 4+ siblings and a big family)
Yes a minimum of two. Otherwise youāll be their playmate.
You canāt really speak to the experience of an only child being awful when itās not you. Iām with capitol one. I was an only child and had zero issues.
Do you want to be married with a person who 'wants their freedom'? I want my freedom too, that's why I'm not married and I'm clear about it. In other words, I don't want more responsibilities yet
This is textbook irreconcilable differences. Iām no therapist so take my comment with a grain of salt, but you seem to be in the right here (not to cast judgement on her) - she should have made it 100% clear before marriage, which is a serious enough of a commitment that there are legal implications to it. Before you proceed with divorce though, plan for finances and have an intentional talk with her. And also, lawyer up
Do not have kids with this woman. Kids are never the solution.
Man it's many women who think like this these days. Career comes before everything. Do we humans really know what we're doing with these liberties afforded to everyone?
This is important for you and it is for her. Having a child is not something you can easily get away from. There are huge obligations, responsibilities and sacrifices. It is also dangerous for a woman to give birth. I know you know all of these, hence you bringing up the divorce. We only have one life (unless you believe otherwise), so choose wisely. I know it is a difficult time for you but, you also have to remember that this is Blind. It is also difficult for me to say this, but, TC or GTFO.
Added, sorry
Thanks. Joking aside, it is a bad idea to convince each other on this. Unless you are open to being a single parent, then don't try to pressure her. Having kids is extremely difficult and requires a ton of patience. If you are able to convince your wife, be prepared to have fights over this whenever your child misbehaves.
That's shallow
Spoken like a faulty sperm