Couple months ago, my husband came back from 4 week paternity leave and on the first day back his manager said his work is significantly behind. Then my husband worked over 80 hours per week and frequently got panic attack on fearing of work behind. And he started hating the baby for interrupting the work which hurt me a lot. The problem is that the company plan too aggressively ahead and doesn't take into any reasonable leave time into account. My husband tried to raise it before his leave, but nobody cares. Most of the employee doesn't have a family. Now he changed job to save the marriage and his life, but the memory of body still sometimes bring unnecessary panic attack. Note: I am not at Lyft anymore, now an EM at tier 3 company, mother of 2. yoe 10, TC 530K -> 400K due to stock loss (that's my package, not my husband, who was way "higher" during databricks years with most of them paper)
Tell him to get counseling. They mind-effed him. Work is never more important than family.
Is wlb good at the defense contractors such as Raytheon, Lockheed?
or a bank like Charles Schwab, JPMC, Morgan Stanley, etc.
Databricks is pre-IPO right? Is there additional stress on companies like Databricks or stripe that have lofty valuations and are not yet public?
Probably. They blame you for "setting back" deliverables
I think for sure, esp since Databricks seems so close to IPO.
But regardless I agree with others and recommend counseling. Wish you and your husband the very best. Also there are free mental health wellness services provided by CA state as well if it’s not covered in your health insurance
Sorry to hear this. Thank you so much for letting us know. This is why Blind is so valuable. I was considering Databricks as my next stop, but I guess I shouldn't now. I'm a father as well.
Are you pm or dev ?
Sorry to hear about that situation. I agree with getting therapy but also want to provide an alternative viewpoint. In today's world in big tech companies having forced attrition targets, you have to learn how to handle pressure. I presume the panic comes from the fear of loosing job an income. Try to save an emergency fund that can cover expenses for 6 to 12 months and that can alleviate a lot of the tension.
It's not always the fear of losing job. Sometimes you are made to feel useless by not being appreciated and indirectly being forced to work a lot (either by manager or by the peers that also work a lot).
I'm at databricks and I totally believe the story
I'm at databricks and I haven't seen this level of pressure. What I observe is taking on more than you should for any wlb considered healthy. It's on you to set your own boundaries. Who cares what other people think?
I highly recommend EMDR Trauma therapy. It has helped me significantly with the body-memory problems. EMDR basically gets to the root of the body-memory (autonomic nervous system getting "stuck") and gets you to retrain it and "unstick" it from bad memories. Very powerful.
Honestly fuk these type of companies, work should NEVER be priority before personal and family obligations. They psyop u into switching what truly matters. I would always avoid companies that have no empathy towards their employees and a force a toxic culture like this.
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Damn. I’m sorry your family went through that bullshit. Have you considered asking your husband to try therapy?
Thank you so much for your caring words! After changing jobs (which means another painful 4 months for me during his massive interviewing), he seems to be ok for 2 months in the new job until yesterday he got panic attack again on really small things lagging behind and he said it is his body memory. If this happened too often then therapy is definitely considered.
So here’s an analogy. If you tried sprinting and tore a muscle, would you start jogging again once it stopped hurting? Or would you see a doctor before even thinking about running again? It might not be the same thing, but I think my point is clear. I think most people would have cracked hard if put in your husbands position. But who is to say that next project at his new job won’t trigger all this negativity again. Even just now you said he was on edge while interviewing to leave. When there is a history of illness you should lean to be corrective rather than waiting for something bad to happen before seeking help retroactively. That said, I say this with nothing but love: I think your husband could benefit from some therapy or counseling. Not just for his sake but for your family’s.