I really need a help. I am confused as whether to say YES to him or not. I am from India and work here. I am dating a guy who is also from India and works here in the USA. Generally he is a soft natured well spoken guy having a lot of friends and a big family. He makes it a priority to be there for his friends and family even if he falls behind at his work or his personal activities. I am a woman of few words and do the things which are possible for me. I dont go all the way beyond to please anyone or to gain a good name. I say a clear No or a YES . He introduced his family on skype. That was my first introduction to his family. His brotherās wife passed a indecent comment as the first phrase even before saying āHiā. I did not respond to her insult as it may sound different rather I expected if he or his brother tells her it would be more appropriate. But neither he or his brother or his father corrected her at that very moment. After that call I asked why you were silent when she insulted me with disgusting words. This really worried me and I asked him how day to day communication works in his home as whether they openly talk and correct themselves or not. He remained silent for sometime and turned the table to blame me saying I am finding faults with his family. I was just trying to understand his family and make a decision based on that. This did not stop here. he introduced his friends and relatives and we had talk. Most of them went okay. But one of his friendās wife and cousinās wife made some derogatory comment on me during the first speech itself that too before others. Same here their husbands were keeping quiet and this guy as well. I felt really embarassed. I did not say anything because of the previous experience with him and also it was a private event. This time also I expressed my concern he said I dont have open mind, I am too sensitive and gave me a philosophical lecture. Then at other instance his mother also started being verbal abusive. I get the same reply from him as I am imagining things and those never happened or gives me a philosophical Lecture that You cant change the world as this can happen at your work as well. I see that he is really emotionally attached to his friends and family and very happy around them. I wanted to check whether he is just speaking philosophical things or really follows this in his life. So I made a similar derogatory comments on friends wife , cousin wife and his mother during a drive, he immediately left me on road and came to his room sitting silenty and did not talk to me for a week. After a week he said that I am wrong and I should have not told like that. I replied him his words as you are imagining things and it never happened, you are too sensitive and you dont have an open mind and you cant change the world. He could not really take it. He is there at the same job for a really long time. I also discussed with him to give him some personal time to take care of his goals as he is little lazy and reduce time with others for that he got very angry and it ended up in a fight. I have taken his many suggestions and respected them. The only thing I see from my side is that I have always had male friends who are pretty decent and only one or two female friends as I am not that comfortable with the indecent behavior from ladies. I am not sure if it is my problem. Am I too sensitive ? or I should have stand up for myself instead of expecting him?(in this case I was really worried if he will behave different as that was my first meet)
The only thing that worries me is that you couldnāt decide it yourself after experiencing so many red flags
Who are these people who insult others in the first meeting? And why are you with them?
Only read first couple of lines where he didn't take stand against sis in law and blamed you. Enough information for me to say RUN.
Curious what did they insult you with.
Same. What did they say?
I try my best to put it in english. Before even saying Hi. She asked how long you will hook up with a guy before getting married and you are just roaming around with him. (This was asked with equivalent indecent words in an Indian regional language which I cant translate with exact words). The fact is it is a proper date after seeing in matrimony website and we did not even go out together. It was always phone calls and seeing his friends and family. Just 4 times we met in 3 months. The lady who said this was of my age already with two kids looking aged for her age with stout body and she is from non-engineering background. Though she is of my age she got married like a typical indian arranged marriage saying yes after seeing the guy for 5mins. I was able to see that she was way much worried by my mere presence there.
Thank you all
Please provide an update on what you have decided.
Iaintworld wants to know OP, so he can decide his next steps š
Lolol
Clear answer : NO! Run girl run
If those people insulted you in the first meeting before even getting to know you, theyāre definitely intimidated by you or by you being there instead of someone else they wanted to be there in your place. Your bf could and should have been more supportive, itās a definite red flag. It might not have been a good idea to start a fight right there, but him pushing back on you is definitely concerning. Seems like you and him should resolve it, if not then you should move on as this will lead to more let downs in future.
Thanks for your response and suggestion. I gave some more time to his family members and friends by having a couple of talks. Till the same behavior from the ladies and few men. I stood up for myself this time but those ladies influenced his thoughts about me. I see some difference in his behavior towards me. I