I'm in a relationship that I feel like we bringing the worse from each other, and I'm not sure if is emotional abuse or not, but clearly is not far from it. I tried to divorce a few times, but I always end up giving up and trying one more time. I feel scared that I have no friends, think about the money I will lose, impact on the kids, hope things would change, etc... Honestly I feel like shit, I'm not sure how common is for people to try and fail to divorce... TC $850k
Stop! If the environment is toxic its better for the kids to not live in it. You can make friends and sort everything out. Plenty of people get divorced and life goes on, some even experience post traumatic growth. Ask for custody, get a divorce and move on with your life. It's not worth it.
This is toxic advice! Why are people so eager to encourage divorce and discourage people from working things out? Please OP, you married your partner for a reason, remember that. No marriage is rosy. People have issues, people work it out. That's what adults do. Seek counseling and pray too if you believer.
If you are bringing out the worst in each other and he is saying she is emotionally abusive, she will not change. She already probably thinks he’s there to serve her and doesn’t treat him well when he doesn’t. Counseling only helps if both parties are willing, and she’s not. Marriage isn’t THAT hard if you’re not a fuck. Be Be caring, considerate, and you won’t have that many problems. Don’t be super nitpicky about small things that don’t really matter. I say this 9 years into my marriage and we don’t have that many issues.
Have you tried couple counseling? The impact on the kids is a tough one but it’s better than them witnessing a bad relationship.
It takes two to create a toxic environment. Get individual and couples therapy
I'm planning to take for myself, but she made very clear she won't do couple therapy
Failure to divorce is common. Often it is insecurities. You are the best judge. Trial separation is an option to consider
Last time I tried I spend a month out of home. I still hate myself for not pushing through it
Then do it again and succeed this time. Failing once is not the reason to never try it again. Try till it works.
How many years is your marriage?
I’m sure it’s difficult but I had been in a same situation (without same TC) and I helped myself by keeping myself busy in things which I like. I too don’t have friends and this is where gardening, cycling and chess helped me. I reduced my dependency on my partner and let time dictate the future course. I stopped explaining and stopped seeking justification. Basically, the more you explain, the more it gets messed up.. the more you try to fix, the more it will fall apart. Don’t force anything and let things fly at their own pace. Things went on for like a year or so and then slowly it all started coming together. Now, we have accepted the differences and try having fun in the commonality. We have enough space for our mental health. Fights have almost disappeared. The only matra I have - talk less, think less.. You cannot control other hum being but you can surely control what you think and how you perceive.
Talk less, think less That’s a terrible advice
I might have missed adding the context. Let me try again. Talk less - in terms of giving or seeking justification. Talk less in terms of self talking. Think less - in terms of how to explain her your situation, in terms of fixing it asap.
Great couple's therapy can in some cases bring back domestic bliss. It also can make very clear any major problems.
PS - Couple therapy would make things uglier and divorce is not a solution unless things are messing up your moral values. Try working it out!
Money can buy happiness, tc should do that for you
Money doesn't buy happiness, but for sure makes things easier
That’s very tough, but don’t despair. Discuss with a lawyer on legal matters and talk about stress with a therapist! Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well for you.
Thanks, I think lawyering up is the right next move
Discuss with your school friends or with your father first.. sometimes we need an outlet to oust our discomfort or frustration. It helps!