Do Indian marriages “work” because only way out is death?
People talk about how the divorce rate is so low in Indian marriages. But isn’t the truth that there is no way out. TC 240K
That must be a joke. Its better for women this way. Divorved women have no takers whereas divorced men have it easier. Same is the trend in US its filled with unhappy divorced cat ladies. Most recent surveys show women unhappiness is increasing and men unhappiness declining in US.
Why do you say divorced men have it easier?
You did hit the nail there. They work because there is no way out. The amount of social shame associated with divorce is too high. I have also realized that Indian people in marriages generally are not in love, so expectations around love are also pretty low which kinda sucks. Why would you separate if you don’t even expect love from your partner!
I am amused by your statement "Indian people in marriages generally are not in love" ...I don't know how you drew that general conclusion but agree about the fact that divorces are frowned upon but the new generation is way more open about it and I hope more ppl understand that sometimes marriage just doesn't work and divorce benefits both in those cases.
Shared values is a more likely reason.
Divorce is very much an option now. I know several couples in India who have either divorced or are in the process.
But it only works when both are ready for it. Even if one doesn’t want to, then it can drag for decades
OP : You should look outside Bollywood for the truth on divorce.
is it still arranged?
Oh ya, that’s a decent percentage
would have expected social media to change norms and expectations. I really need to visit India to see how life there is.
Not so much for this generation I think. 20–30 yrs ago, women had to put up with a lot of shit with no recourse. Overall I think we have lower expectations out of a relationship than Americans in general (I don’t think this is unique to India, it’s probably true for most countries outside Western Europe and US) so I’d expect the divorce rate to be lower.
Arranged marriage is stable, because it takes into account of all important factors for marriage except love, which only matters for first few years.
Can't speak to Indian marriages, but speaking as an American who's been married close to 20 years (and dated the same girl through college before we got married), love gets you through times being shitty, whereas all those other "important factors" can be a total crapshoot. Mind, it's not like some of those factors didn't come to mind for westerners looking for a love match - realizing she was smart/sane, pretty and a fellow college student with decent prospects were things I was aware of before we started dating and before I fell in love with her.
There's another interesting angle, the arranged marriage is really a marriage between two families and not two people. So families also try to help alleviate some of those 'tough times' like financial hardships etc.
Things are changing fast in the urban areas atleast. Amongst Indians in the US, there isn't much stigma anymore.
Making divorces easier is not necessarily a good thing. It can be terrible for children and near family. If Indian society makes people work harder to make marriage work, that's because sometimes people won't think too hard about the consequences of their decision. It's like how people go into debt for an immediate dopamine hit.
On that note, US also make it hard, at least for men, in the form of long term alimony payment.
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